Hello everyone.  This is my first post since I've registered here on this great forum.  Here's the deal, I was born a boy (against my will) and I am now 27 year of age.  The last faze of my life that I can remember enjoy living was during my pre-teen years and even then thoughts uncertainty would tourment me.

My teen years were a disaster as I was always confused and unfocussed toward reality and seeked refuge in drawing and video games.  I never had relationships with girls till this day and struggle to find anykind of relationships now.  I dont feel unattractive nor do I believe that I am and seem to be fixated on looking myself in the mirror and trying to correct any flaws.  I maintain a clean shaved face and body and prefer to look more boyish/feminine than manly because I dont feel that the male sex works for me whatso ever do to the fact that I don't play the role as well as I compare to others. 

I dislike being refered to as 'sir' and prefer 'kid' as it is the closest thing to being an intersex term (I look way younger than my age).  I don't consider myself gay however I have been in and out of relationships with other males and thought that it felt comfortable so long as I remain secret about it.  I am really self conscience and if I dont maintain myself and let manhood take over I become really depressed.  Things like the regrowth of facial and body hair irritate me deeply.

Well my problem is that I carry myself like a male as far as charactoristics ( gait/stance, speaking patterns/tone) however my sexuality is of gay traits and my gender is leant towards female.  It feels like hell and many times I know that people just give up trying to figure me out. 

Sounds like so many people here, and welcome :-)
Coming to accepting yourself, as yourself, was the first step for me. If you have access to a therapist who works with gender differences you could always make an appointment. For me it helped a lot for me to accept who I was and to realize there is nothing wrong with me...

Hi Kadeci,

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Blessed Be.
Janet