How Long Before You Weren't Surprised to Be Called "Ma'am" (or "Sir")?

[Autumn]

I don't know why, but, ever since transitioning at work, I've felt... odd. Not just a work. But like I keep hearing my internal voice use phrases like "thinks I'm a woman" "thought I was a woman" ... as if I'm pulling something over on people. I guess it might be the whole big "outing myself to everyone" bit that has me really not feeling like the person I was a couple of weeks ago. I felt much more confident in myself as a woman before that, strangely. It had to happen (or I had to switch jobs, which I can't right now) but still. And this way if people from school who know me as a girl come to work, there won't be a big... eh, mess.

Yesterday, tech started for a play I'm forced to be a part of. We were congregating in the womens' dressing room and call happened. So the men got thrown out. Then the lead actress complained that she had to strip down to her underwear to get into costume. Someone else chimed in "We're all girls here. Last I knew at least."

Heh. One of the actresses is an acquaintance of mine from before transition, but her father and brother are both gay and she's very big about GLBT rights. She said she didn't recognize me when she walked in. Of course the secret is safe with her and the instructor.

The reason I have to be involved in the play is because I'm enrolled in a stage makeup class. And it was very intimidating to me, to be surrounded by incredibly girly girls who all are experienced with makeup and hair and all this crap that I never did, and am still not really that interested in. I'm outside of the clique, since most of them have known each other for at least a semester and through multiple shows and trips, but they're still nice. They just talk so much to each other that there's no room edgewise.

I felt good about that happening, but somewhat bittersweet.

[sarahb]

It took me quite a while to accept myself as a girl, even though I knew who I was. For this reason, it also took me a while to get used to people referring to me as ma'am. Over the months and years, though, after being referred to in the correct way for so long, now I have no trepidations with it.

Another factor with being able to fully see myself as a girl is the fact that physically I was not. With each change I became more comfortable in who I was. Now that the final piece has been completed, SRS, I have realized that I no longer have any thoughts about it at all.

~Sarah

[kyril]

I got "sir" three times yesterday - once from the dressing room attendant when I went to try some clothes on, once from a Subway employee when I was ordering lunch, and once by a kid panhandling on the street. All three of them made my day (the kid got all the change in my pocket for it) but it's still sort of a weird feeling - I mentioned just a week or so ago in this thread that I never got ma'amed or sir'd. And now I'm getting it consistently.

The one that felt good, rather than weird: I also got my hair cut yesterday. I go to a place that calls itself a barbershop but is really more of a salon-ish thing. It's queer-friendly (rainbow flag, Seattle Gay News stand) which is why I felt comfortable going there to get the big cut, but it's also why I generally expect to be read as female - I never expect to pass anywhere that's familiar with lesbians.

Anyway, I got a stylist I hadn't met before, and after she spent half an hour cutting my hair (with all that entails - talking with me, hearing my voice, touching my head, seeing my face up-close and personal) when I went to pay, she circled "M" on the little form she gave the cashier. And I never specifically said anything about getting a men's cut, or making it look masculine, or anything to indicate that I wanted to be seen as male. So that was surprising, but very very cool.

[fastknight]

I got "sir'd" once by my therapist, but, although I pass fairly well, I still look like I'm about fourteen, which is probably too young for sir-ing in most people's minds. I guess as I get more time on T I'll start looking/sounding more of a "sir-ing" age.

I do get called "he" and "that guy" a lot in public though. It's the sort of thing that makes me want to start singing loudly with happiness.

[Alyssa M.]

There are still those times I'm surprised. Yesterday I stopped by a liquor store after an afternoon hike. I was feeling pretty self-conscious and thought I looked rather unfeminine. When I reached into my pocket to get my license to show to the man checking ID's at the door, he just said, "Go ahead, dear."

It felt good, but my surprise proves I still have some ways to go.

[pretty pauline]

It was a relief to transition and simply get "miss" and now, many years later "ma'am". I never thought about it back then.

I agree, many things are very easy to take for granted.

I never really thought about it much, it is true for those of us who have transition over 30years ago, Id never get ''sir'' now, just take these things for granted, but sometimes actions speak louder than words, just on a resent shopping trip to London I was traveling on the tube when a young woman with a teenage son asked him to give up his seat and let the lady sit down, I was a little embarrass for the teenager, but she said no problem, it was important her son showed respect to women, I thanked her but it was a lovely moment for me, we had a nice girly chit chat, tolded her I was shopping for my wedding, after all these years I still cherish moments like that.
When I was in a store in London, I must have looked a bit lost lol because a young assistant came up to me and asked ''excuse me Ma'am are you looking for the ladies room'' never thought about it really till I read this thread, taking it for granted which we shouldnd, thank you for bringing me down to earth.
p

[Tammy Hope]

I was up to the state line the other day getting some scratch-off's and I was bending over looking closer at a lower placed item and the girl behind the counter said "Can I help you find something ma-am?"

Now, I was without bra or makeup - butched up as my wife asked me too - and even when I stood up and continued the conversation, she remained in "girl talk" mode, asking about my nails and so forth.

It was very rewarding.

[Carolyn]

After I lost my ID on the bus and had to go pick it up at the bus station

I was dressed like a guy and my ID said M on it, and the person had to look at my ID to confirm it was me, he looked at it and then handed me it, and said "Here you are miss, sorry about that"

So yea after that day I stopped trying and the Miss and Ma'am have kept coming I get a RARE sir every now and then only to have it quickly replaced with a miss or ma'am

[Inkwe Mupkins]

I guess I'm lucky. When I was about 10 I started dressing and living kinda full time as male. All I did was shave my head and ever sinse then I have never once been called ma'am. I'm always regarded as sir in public, my family and friends is a different story. It still feels good to be sir'ed even after 7 yrs. I even get sir'ed if wearing tight clothes. BTW i went through pubery at 8.  I have a rather prominant chest but I can still go out without binding or wearing a sports bra and still pass, partly cause I'm fat and they take the shape of a fat mans, TMI.

I'm fortunate that I have a masculine build and a manly face as well. I even passed with hot pink mohawk. In womens clothes I look like a man in drag.

[Sarah B]

Groan Groan Groan, Mumble Mumble Mumble, Whinge Whinge Whinge.  How dare they call me Mrs, I am a Ms.  At least three times that happened this morning from the nurses, technicians and doctors at the local hospital.

I'm sure I ticked or circled the right title enough times, I had to fill in 4 forms.

Oh well, I guess I have to deal with it, get over it, build a bridge and move on.

Kind regards
Sarah B

[Kentrie]

Everyone always calls me "He" when they first meet me and I'm surprised/scared/happy all at once and when someone calls me "She" I feel a terrible dissapointment.

[Lacey Lynne]

Today I am 7 months RLE.  I went into a store and they said: "Welcome, ma'am." 

It certainly pleases me to be called ma'am, but it still surprises me a little.  I live in a place that doesn't use a lot of ma'ams and sirs, so I only hear it about once a week.

How long before you weren't a little surprised when someone called you "ma'am"?  (Or, for FTM, "sir"?)

- Kate

Well, I'm going full-time 2 weeks from this very day, 31 October 2010.  Honestly, I wonder if I'll ever be called ma'am.  More than anything else, the voice is the problem. 

Two weeks ago, a really good friend and I did the mall, and we were fully en femme.  She's been full-time for a few years now.  Pass City for her.  This was my first time out, anywhere, ever.  Doggone if I didn't moreorless pass.  No hassles.  No fuss.  No muss.  Heck, girlfriend even got me to use the women's room in a big store. 

She finishes before me, leaves the restroom, and I'm in there with a gg right next to me in the next stall!  I was like, "OMG!"  That gg and I finish up at about the same time, come out of our stalls, wash up, do our hair and lipstick, and leave the restroom.  Not even a second-glance.  Whoa!  I passed ... THERE!

Doggone voice is a natural resonant baritone.  Hurts to take it up a few registers for any period of time.  Sigh, ... practice, practice, practice.  Right now, I'm worried about EVER being called, "Ma'am."   

[Lacey Lynne]

I was up to the state line the other day getting some scratch-off's and I was bending over looking closer at a lower placed item and the girl behind the counter said "Can I help you find something ma-am?"

Now, I was without bra or makeup - butched up as my wife asked me too - and even when I stood up and continued the conversation, she remained in "girl talk" mode, asking about my nails and so forth.

It was very rewarding.

EXCELLENT!

[K8]

Well, I'm going full-time 2 weeks from this very day, 31 October 2010.  Honestly, I wonder if I'll ever be called ma'am.

Congratulations on your trip to the mall, Lacey!  You can do it.  One thing that held me back was that I was sure I would never be convincing as a woman.  Well, either everyone is very nice or I'm at least a little convincing.

That first "yes ma'am" is wonderful and for me, 18 months fulltime, it still hasn't gotten old.

- Kate

[Lacey Lynne]

Congratulations on your trip to the mall, Lacey!  You can do it.  One thing that held me back was that I was sure I would never be convincing as a woman.  Well, either everyone is very nice or I'm at least a little convincing.

That first "yes ma'am" is wonderful and for me, 18 months fulltime, it still hasn't gotten old.

- Kate

Thanks so much for the encouragement and support.  I really appreciate it. 

Today, I'm at the mall (at which I walk 3-4 laps every day after finishing work, because my work is so intense and depressing), and I got so blue.  Why?  Well, just for the old times and as a farewell to guyhood, I wore my Abbey Road Beatles shirt.  Darned shirt was tight.  I saw myself in several mirrors in the mall.  Darn!  Way broad shoulders, pronounced trapezius muscles, broad back, etc.   

Doggone it!  I've cut way back on the weight on my workouts.  I don't work out as often.  I've dropped many guy-muscle-enhancing exercises.  I'm almost 11 months on HRT.  My girl tops are either large or extra large, and I'm still nearly bursting out of them, and I'm NOT a big "guy!"

Full-time is just a tad over a week-and-a-half away.   What am I going to do?   

My for-now wife says I've now got girl's legs (she says Vera-Ellen legs!), and she and a good friend on here say I've now got girl's hips and backside (Really?  OMG!), but ... what girl has immensely wide-assed shoulders and a way-wide back?       I think Bibilinda on here works out a lot too.  Bibi, what do I do about this?   What do you do to not muscle up too much?

Yes, I'm still going full-time on 31 October 2010.  I look like a doggone female bodybuilder.      Okay, I could totally wear miniskirts and get away with it, but what woman wears miniskirts at age 55?  Any female top I wear and I'm moreorless bursting out of it, ... sigh.  Again, I'm NOT a big "guy."  Just built up from L.A. Fitness.  Can't give it up ... love it too much.   

Kate, how did you ever do it in the early days when you first went full-time?   I would way appreciate any advice you could offer.  Sorry to go on and on, Kate.  I'm just bummed out.  What genetic girl looks like this?  Maybe beach volleyball players or something.  I don't know what to do.

[K8]

I'm there.   

Oh Dee, how wonderful.   Your story brought tears to my eyes.


@Lacey: I'll PM you rather than cluttering up the thread, but it may be later - I've got a busy day ahead.

*hugs*
Kate

[Lacey Lynne]

She asked me when my last period was, have I had a hysterectomy, etc.  Standing half naked in front of a nurse in a hospital and being asked those type of questions, that was the ultimate in "passing".  They never asked my sex, they looked at me and filled in "female" for me.

I'm there.   

You totally are ... YES!   

[Lacey Lynne]

Oh Dee, how wonderful.   Your story brought tears to my eyes.


@Lacey: I'll PM you rather than cluttering up the thread, but it may be later - I've got a busy day ahead.

*hugs*
Kate

Thank you, Kate!

@ Everybody:  Sorry if I've cluttered up the thread myself.  Didn't mean to.