Quote from: Nicky on December 01, 2009, 05:03:20 PM
You know, I think your probably right Jessica. Perhaps I did not give it a chance. In some ways maybe I was unprepared for the changes and panicked a bit. I was not in a good frame of mind. My biggest fear was to do with how it would affect my relationship with my wife, after 10 years of penetrative sex and being in a good place together having a spanner in the works was rather scary.
----caveat: this is a bit of a TMI post, so apologies for anyone that finds this and is offended. It's not my intent, just sort of an explanation of how HRT affected my sex life and how I dealt with it. Also, apologies in advance for dropping my experiences as an MtF in the Androgyne section.
So here goes:
gods yes. I was terrified when the libido collapse happened to me. Combine that with the erectile dysfunction and it was sort of a recipe for disaster. my wife and I weren't in the best of places when I started HRT, so we started going through this just as things started getting better. It was a little frustrating several months ago.
I was somewhat lucky during this phase-- my wife has historically had a fairly low sex drive, so my lack of interest didn't bother her very much. I've always liked sex, even as a guy, so I would usually want it more than she did, but my wife considered it not so big a deal.
As things started to balance out, and some of my libido came back, my wife still wasn't always interested, so I had to make do on my own. In the interest of trying to figure out what sex was like with my "new" body*, I started experimenting: vibrators, masturbating, etc. I find that in order to really get turned on, I have to be engaged in it, and so does my wife. I have also found that almost every nerve ending just comes
alive. My breasts are a huge erogenous zone, whereas I was pretty uncomfortable being touched when I was still a guy. Now being touched sends these little shockwaves of sensation through my body.
So, we've tried some things. I bought a lesbian sex book. For positions that would require a strap-on, we save those for the nights when "it" decides it still wants to work. Which is surprisingly frequent. If we're both pretty into it, I can still get it up. Maybe not much more than twice a week, but I've heard from my therapist that that's a pretty rare experience, so I'm convinced that it's a very psychological thing.
In the interest of trying other things, there's a lot more oral sex, grinding, touching, etc. We try things, some of which work, some don't, some end up with one or the other of us crying. We talk, try to be open about how we're feeling, and sometimes it's just frustration over how my body just pisses me off sometimes.
My wife has told me that she's started enjoying the sex a lot more, and she wants it more frequently. I like to think that some of it has to do with me feeling much more comfortable with myself overall. I think I'm a lot more confident, seductive and open. I make a point of saying things that I might have been mortified to say a year or two ago, and I make a point of telling her what I want. It can get uncomfortable sometimes, but I try to remember that it's not her job to guess at what I want. So I help her.
I
like to be touched like a girl. Open palm, rock it back and forth over the pubis, that kind of thing. It's how I used to masturbate when I was younger, and I had recently read a book where the author made a point of saying that's how she used to masturbate. She claimed it was a very "female" way of touching oneself, by which she meant that most young girls start out that way, which I had never known, and have no idea whether it's true or not. But it reminded me of what I used to do and put me in the frame of mind of trying new things.
When I mentioned this to my wife, she gave it a try, and OMG, it was amazing. I made a point of telling her so. Overall, I have found that the sex is a lot better for me (and I wasn't complaining about it before) but I think that makes me a lot more passionate and interesting in bed, and I think that in turn has had an overall positive effect on my wife's sex drive and on our relationship in general.
But I'm not trying to convince you to go back on hormones or anything like that. Everyone reacts differently, and that's how I reacted. Short of going off hrt altogether, I don't think I'd ever completely recover my sex drive, but I'm okay with the way it's changed. I think if you're comfortable with where you are, and you're happy with your sex drive then that's the important thing. The goal shouldn't be to look a certain way, or behave a certain way. The goal is to be happy with yourself. If you're happy as you are, then no worries. If you decide that you want to go back on hrt all the way, then maybe some of our collective experiences will help you work through some of the tricky stuff.
BTW, your new pic is hawt. Looking good.
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*I'm not trying to be weird, just that being on hormones has completely changed the experience of sex for me and I'm not really sure how else to put it. I can put on a somewhat revealing dress and with the right push up bra, I've actually got cleavage. I make a point of wondering sometimes whether these actually belong to me.
