Do other young TSs feel like...

[Alyssa M.]

I missed out on my childhood, I missed out on my teenage years, I missed out on college, and I missed out on my early adulthood. I've always seen girls and women younger than me (whatever my age) as reminders of what ought to have been, and girls and women a few years older as examples of what should be.

I don't feel that nearly as strongly now. I'm not missing out anymore.

[Just Kate]

you are missing out on being a teenager, in some way?
I see all my guy friends, who are happy, getting girlfriends, having fun, living life basically, and I feel sometimes like I'm missing out on that because of having these problems. Anyone else feel like that?

This sentiment will continue throughout your life until you change your focus.  If you are always focused on what you don't have, on what was denied to you, no amount of transition will help you - there will always be one...more...thing... you don't have.

Keep your focus on what you do have and what is realistic to achieve, and remember to feel the humility that comes with knowing that it could be a lot worse.

[LordKAT]

I grew up being not allowed, to laugh dance , sing , play smile, cry, have friends, hurt, go places or walk away, have an opinion, talk, so many more things.

No amount of changing my focus will change that. The future is another story but it ain't here yet.

I do believe that I missed out on a great deal then. There will always be things I miss out on but at least now I am allowed to try and that is what I do.

[Inphyy]

I'm still in my teens and well...Yes there's things that I'll likely miss out on AND HAVE ALREADY MISSED OUT ON but dwelling on it is no good.

Sooner or later...Good karma will come back on you and me and those moments you missed won't be the same as your teenage ones but slowly and progressively over time, they will be made up.

[Just Kate]

No amount of changing my focus will change that. The future is another story but it ain't here yet.

Nope it won't, but no amount of focus on it will change it either, and it is likely just to make it worse.   I lost my mother this year prematurely due to a mistake made during a routine surgery.  It sucks, it happened, but my focus is elsewhere.  If I put my focus back on her death, I will become depressed, but generally, I can control what I put my focus on.  I choose to look at my life going forward and focus my energies there - doing so allows me to be happy.  My sister however has been stuck on that day since that day, and failing after failing she has had since can be looked at in terms of focus - she continues to feel it unfair and that life sucks without her support base (her mother).  She is not looking forward, she is not looking at the positive, at the wonderful things she still has going for her and as a result, she continues to lose them - one by one.

I've seen this constantly with the trans people I've known.  No matter how far they get, they stay focused on all they've lost.  Each younger transitioner burns them up, each genetic person of their desired sex makes them feel fury at what they take for granted, they cannot get out of that hole.  They never stop, breathe, look around them and say, "Wow!  Look at all I've done with the hand given me!"  They are never satisfied, never happy.  That attitude, that result, starts early, and if you don't curb it soon, it can rule you.  Years will go by, you'll look back at your failings and wonder, "What happened?"  The answer you'll come up with?  "Look at what ELSE has been denied me due to my GID!" and they continue in the same cycle.

Focus is so important and its influence on our future happiness cannot be highlighted enough!

[Lachlann]

Nope it won't, but no amount of focus on it will change it either, and it is likely just to make it worse.   I lost my mother this year prematurely due to a mistake made during a routine surgery.  It sucks, it happened, but my focus is elsewhere.  If I put my focus back on her death, I will become depressed, but generally, I can control what I put my focus on.  I choose to look at my life going forward and focus my energies there - doing so allows me to be happy.  My sister however has been stuck on that day since that day, and failing after failing she has had since can be looked at in terms of focus - she continues to feel it unfair and that life sucks without her support base (her mother).  She is not looking forward, she is not looking at the positive, at the wonderful things she still has going for her and as a result, she continues to lose them - one by one.

I've seen this constantly with the trans people I've known.  No matter how far they get, they stay focused on all they've lost.  Each younger transitioner burns them up, each genetic person of their desired sex makes them feel fury at what they take for granted, they cannot get out of that hole.  They never stop, breathe, look around them and say, "Wow!  Look at all I've done with the hand given me!"  They are never satisfied, never happy.  That attitude, that result, starts early, and if you don't curb it soon, it can rule you.  Years will go by, you'll look back at your failings and wonder, "What happened?"  The answer you'll come up with?  "Look at what ELSE has been denied me due to my GID!" and they continue in the same cycle.

Focus is so important and its influence on our future happiness cannot be highlighted enough!

I agree with you, it is better to focus on what you have because you will be more productive, however... some people struggle with getting there and there are times when I can do it and times when I simply can't or the struggle is double. The problem with these situations is that people need to know how to move on, some haven't found the solution yet.

[Alyssa M.]

For me, the issue wasn't as much what I'd lost, but that every time I was reminded of it, it would remind me of what I was continuing to lose. Without that, it's not nearly as big of a deal.

[LordKAT]

Nope it won't, but no amount of focus on it will change it either, and it is likely just to make it worse.   I lost my mother this year prematurely due to a mistake made during a routine surgery.  It sucks, it happened, but my focus is elsewhere.  If I put my focus back on her death, I will become depressed, but generally, I can control what I put my focus on.  I choose to look at my life going forward and focus my energies there - doing so allows me to be happy.  My sister however has been stuck on that day since that day, and failing after failing she has had since can be looked at in terms of focus - she continues to feel it unfair and that life sucks without her support base (her mother).  She is not looking forward, she is not looking at the positive, at the wonderful things she still has going for her and as a result, she continues to lose them - one by one.

I've seen this constantly with the trans people I've known.  No matter how far they get, they stay focused on all they've lost.  Each younger transitioner burns them up, each genetic person of their desired sex makes them feel fury at what they take for granted, they cannot get out of that hole.  They never stop, breathe, look around them and say, "Wow!  Look at all I've done with the hand given me!"  They are never satisfied, never happy.  That attitude, that result, starts early, and if you don't curb it soon, it can rule you.  Years will go by, you'll look back at your failings and wonder, "What happened?"  The answer you'll come up with?  "Look at what ELSE has been denied me due to my GID!" and they continue in the same cycle.

Focus is so important and its influence on our future happiness cannot be highlighted enough!

I'm agreeing with you. I can't change what happened , I can work on doing better in the future. Sorry I'm not very good with words.

[Just Kate]

I'm agreeing with you. I can't change what happened , I can work on doing better in the future. Sorry I'm not very good with words.

NP!  Your avatar rocketh by the way!

[mL]

I don't even feel like a teenager. My parents certainly don't treat me like one. They basically make me take full responsibility for everything in my life, besides the financial part. It doesn't affect my relationship with my parents, although if I were born a guy, I could have avoided all those hours arguing over clothes and hair with my mother. Socially, I would probably have some more friends because I would be more confident, and some peers and my parents wouldn't think it's weird that i have a girlfriend. I don't think I'm missing out on much though.

[LordKAT]

NP!  Your avatar rocketh by the way!

Thanks

[Lachlann]

I don't even feel like a teenager. My parents certainly don't treat me like one. They basically make me take full responsibility for everything in my life, besides the financial part.

That actually sounds very much like a normal teenage development.

[rejennyrated]

The way I figure it was that I gained at least as much as I lost. I got to go on a big exciting adventure at a very young age. True I probably wouldn't have chosen it... but with exception of a couple of years in my late teens I had a pretty good time making up my own rules as I went along and figuring that anyone (of either sex) who wanted to object could go hang cos I wasn't like them!

Plus the few things which I really did lose, like for example going to uni as an unambiguous female, I have taken deliberate steps to reclaim and revisit in later life. That's partly why I did my MA last year. I got to play at being a young woman again, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

So whilst I understand why you might feel as you do, Interalia is completely right. Positive focus is important otherwise you will also miss out on all the things you CAN have.

[The None Blonde]

Nicky: Actually, if you're being nitpicky... i DID transition in my teens, and thus, my response is entirely ACCURATE and apropriate. The fact im now 22 still qualifies me as 'young'. So I don't quite see your point.

[Miniar]

Aside from the trans issue, I spent my teen years more or less drunk.
I still feel I missed 'em....

I just choose to use it as an excuse for being well in touch with my "Inner child". Never "grew up" anyway.

[Chamillion]

Well I don't feel like I really missed out on much to be honest.  I still had a lot of fun in high school, had a lot of sex, went to a lot of parties, fell in "love", all the typical high school things.  But it would have been cool if I could have started T before puberty or something.  Most of my friends in high school were girls, it would have been cool to be one of the guys and experience male socialization.  All in all it doesn't bother me that much though.  I'm only 19 and have a lot of my life left to live as a guy

[icontact]

Well I transitioned a year and a half ago, and have passed 100% since I got a haircut and began binding. I'm in a very accepting place, and although I am extremely lucky to be able to live as a guy, and for the most part, be the stereotypical popular kid as I easily get boyfriends or girlfriends, am considered attractive, charismatic, etc. And I am somewhat stealth to people who didn't know me from before.

But I am still held back by the parentals, the father in particular who feels the need to call me a she wherever we go. So many confused waiters...But anywho. I truly feel like I could have the "perfect" childhood experience if I'd been born proper. But I realize that I am as close as I could ever get, and a whole lot closer than 99% of ts/tg kids so I'm completely satisfied.

[inoutallabout]

What teen life. All I had was teen strife.

I'm digging the optimism.

[Hanlet]

I must be in the minority; I really don't feel like I missed out on anything. Sure there was (and is, I suppose) the additional confusion and complexities, but I've had relationships, done what I want, and am where I've always wanted to be right now. I'm still young though, so we'll see what happens.

[Northern Jane]

... I think a lot about what it would've been like to grow up as a girl...how different I would've been, how much more comfortable with myself I might've been .... I think I missed out on a LOT.

I to have thought about how my life would have been different and in some ways my curse was a blessing - I would have got into SO MUCH trouble!!! I was bad enough anyway but being fertile would have been a disaster   

No matter how one lives one's life, when things that should be choices are, by circumstance, not even options there are bound to be regrets. My one huge regret is not being able to have children (which I very much wanted), denied first by infertility and later by circumstances that made adoption unwise.

But when I look back on my 60 years, particularly the last 35 (since transition/SRS), I am amazed by what I have done. The direction of my life was set by circumstance but within the options open to me, I did well, far more than I would have if the first 24 hadn't taught me how to stand my ground and keep pushing for the things that were important to me, how to face and overcome my fears, and to have faith in myself.

I am not Christian but there is great wisdom in the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

        --Reinhold Niebuhr