Do other young TSs feel like...

[tekla]

I've seen this constantly with the trans people I've known.  No matter how far they get, they stay focused on all they've lost.

Oh, its not exactly unique to trans persons.  Everyone has three choices, you can live in the past, or the future, or you can be here now.  And lots of people make the wrong choice all the time.  Looking at the past and all you've lost is just as bad as those who are living for heaven or some other pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by reward in the future where they will gain everything.  Those two choices are pretty much flip sides of the same coin.  The reality is that there is only here, only now, and that's the only thing you can really effect or change. 

[Myself]

you are missing out on being a teenager, in some way?
I see all my guy friends, who are happy, getting girlfriends, having fun, living life basically, and I feel sometimes like I'm missing out on that because of having these problems. Anyone else feel like that?

completely :/

[Wolf Man]

Ever since I had been labeled into the "other" category when I was 9, things have just been.

I may have missed out on something, but can I have really missed out on it if I didn't realize it at the time?

It all depends on how you look at things. I'm trying hard to focus on what is to come because that is what matters. That is what our lives will be. We've found ourselves and now we just need to be ourselves.

Optimism is key. Try it. I've always seen the glass as half empty, but I'm trying to see that there is still something in the cup.

[BubbleTea]

you are missing out on being a teenager, in some way?
I see all my guy friends, who are happy, getting girlfriends, having fun, living life basically, and I feel sometimes like I'm missing out on that because of having these problems. Anyone else feel like that?

In a way i do because i didnt get to experience many things a GG would have been through. But...I always had feminine facial features,long hair, small hands, etc. so would often get mistaken as a girl...LOVED IT! until they said "sorry".
Even then i still feel like a chunk of my life is missing. Im 19 right now on hormones, planning to go f/t asap, and hope to have a long life living as the gender i know i truly am.


<3

[milktea]

there are always two sides to everything -- i did miss out on my teenage years experience growing up as a girl, and sure i did go to some extreme ends trying to conceal my puberty changes in high school...very unpleasant and tough times...but on the other hand i look at it as a unique experience 99.999% of other women my age have no idea about.

not to say that girls had it easy, but growing up as a boy comes with greater expectations on some attributes: independence, lesser tears, bigger guts, etc., and these attributes i find rather helpful in my current life...and somehow they get magnified on a girl than on a guy

of course sometimes i look at two college kids holding hands and would wonder what it would be like if i can be like them, but at the end of the day its today that is more impt than fanciful 'what-if's.

[K8]

I am far from young, but I think it is probably good that I didn't have a vagina when I was young.  I would have gotten into all sorts of trouble.  It was before reliable birth control, and as stupid as I was then I probably would have been pregnant before I got out of high school.  It's just as well things worked out as they did.

- Kate

[Northern Jane]

I would have gotten into all sorts of trouble.

LOL! I have often said that myself! Having lived part of my teens en femme (after age 14) I know how easy it would have been to do stupid things and get caught up in the passion. Having no 'natural roadblock' would have been disastrous!

[The None Blonde]

But with no natural roadblock you'd also have had the female upbringing and parenting that would have 'checked' the horny teen desires forcibly if required lol.

[chrysalis]

It is very annoying to see life passing me by and lots of experiences being lost. Really though even if I had magically transitioned when it really began to effect me, it wouldn't have worked out too well. I wouldn't have been ready. I don't think I currently am either.

I have a plan for the future, and currently I'm building my life towards it in very realistic terms.

[T2Logan]

I was just thinking about this lately and it kind of made me sad. I feel like I completely lost my (boy) childhood. I was very shy in high school because I felt I never fit in. I never fit with the girls, but I felt I couldn't fit in with the guys since I wasn't one (physically). It hurt a lot and I am still in that boat a bit in college. Slowly changing my appearance I've felt that I fit in a bit more and the community is more accepting, but it's still hard....

[Inphyy]

The funny thing is I'm in High School right now. I'm a young trans. Also, I don't feel like I've ever missed anything...And all these people you know getting all the boyfriends/girlfriends, popularity, etc. etc. are soon going to go to the dumps...Just like most celebrity couples, it's just a quick fix! So when you take the time to appreciate what you have and you're about the ripe age of 30-40...

Instead of looking old, tired...Divorced, broke...And barely hanging on. Since you have had to live two lives and go through hell and back, you'll have a respectable head over your shoulder and you may not be the richest but you'll sure be living well.

[Adam]

I just turned 20 yesterday, and I feel like my whole teenage life was wasted because of this. Well hopefully once I start T, my 20's will be when I can finally start living.

[tekla]

it's just a quick fix! So when you take the time to appreciate what you have and you're about the ripe age of 30-40...

I knew you had it in you girl!  That's about the smartest thing I've read on here in months.  What you need when you finish HS is not a BF/GF, but the grades to make sure you can do something more than ask people if they want fries with that, or what size coffee they want.  Too many people wake up at some point and realize that the 'year they took off college' turned out to be a decade - their friends have masters degrees and more, and you ain't even got an AA.  That messing around with entrance level jobs - oh that one was just not right, I didn't like the second one, the people on the third one didn't like me and so on, realize about the time they are 28 or so that they are going into their fourth/fifth entry level position and their friends are buying houses while they are still playing with roommates.

Make every decision like it's going to last a life time, because most do.

[The None Blonde]

The funny thing is I'm in High School right now. I'm a young trans. Also, I don't feel like I've ever missed anything...And all these people you know getting all the boyfriends/girlfriends, popularity, etc. etc. are soon going to go to the dumps...Just like most celebrity couples, it's just a quick fix! So when you take the time to appreciate what you have and you're about the ripe age of 30-40...

Instead of looking old, tired...Divorced, broke...And barely hanging on. Since you have had to live two lives and go through hell and back, you'll have a respectable head over your shoulder and you may not be the richest but you'll sure be living well.

Eh no. Not everyone in a relationship, or popular, is going to have a terrible life... interesting justification, but not so true...

and you CAN be the richest.... its the same ammount of effort it takes a non trans person to suceed and make it... we all can, trans people just seem to sometimes not want to because they are 'so happy' by being thier gender, they make that thier life, and live just thier gender, forgetting to be anything else... like a person. Why settle? you seem to be suggestin that.

[WillowG]

Yeah I missed out on a bunch, I came out midway through high school but wasn't able to do anything.  Same with college, I was stuck in the middle for ages and really wasn't able to do much.  I never even approached a sorority even though I wanted to and I spent way too much focusing on my issues instead of doing things.  Seeing as I'm only getting to hormones now I've missed out on the first few months of grad school too, wrapped up in issues.  I'm only 22 so high school wasn't that long ago and I managed a 4 year undergrad. 

Anyone transitioning in their early & mid 20's, maybe out for awhile but held back transitioning because of circumstances?  The high school issue reminded that it seems like there's 2 distinct camps of transitioning folk, the early teens & the +35 folk, those of us in the middle seem to be few & far between.  I say this because it feels so akward in middle of the age groups, you can kinda relate to both but don't really fit in with either.  It's a serious question even though I realize it's kinda ironic also, it just has been on my mind a lot lately.

[T2Logan]

Yeah I missed out on a bunch, I came out midway through high school but wasn't able to do anything.  Same with college, I was stuck in the middle for ages and really wasn't able to do much.  I never even approached a sorority even though I wanted to and I spent way too much focusing on my issues instead of doing things.  Seeing as I'm only getting to hormones now I've missed out on the first few months of grad school too, wrapped up in issues.  I'm only 22 so high school wasn't that long ago and I managed a 4 year undergrad. 

Anyone transitioning in their early & mid 20's, maybe out for awhile but held back transitioning because of circumstances?  The high school issue reminded that it seems like there's 2 distinct camps of transitioning folk, the early teens & the +35 folk, those of us in the middle seem to be few & far between.  I say this because it feels so akward in middle of the age groups, you can kinda relate to both but don't really fit in with either.  It's a serious question even though I realize it's kinda ironic also, it just has been on my mind a lot lately.

WilloG - I understand where you're coming from. I'm 22 also and have felt many of the things you describe. I'm just starting to make active steps to transition (hair cut, clothes, natural hormones, etc.), but I still don't have financial means or family support to do all I would like to so in a way I'm suck in that situation as well.

Maybe this is a horrible generalization on my part so I do apologize if I am assuming incorrectly, but it seems as if those younger teens that do transition have the support of their families and those that are older 35+ have their own financial stability. I depend on my parents for financial support completely and they are paying for school, which I can't risk losing. They are very homophobic so I can only imagine how transphobic they would be. I can only do baby steps until I am out of their financial hold....sorry, I rambled and vented!!

[K8]

Maybe this is a horrible generalization on my part so I do apologize if I am assuming incorrectly, but it seems as if those younger teens that do transition have the support of their families and those that are older 35+ have their own financial stability. I depend on my parents for financial support completely and they are paying for school, which I can't risk losing. They are very homophobic so I can only imagine how transphobic they would be. I can only do baby steps until I am out of their financial hold....sorry, I rambled and vented!!

I think your generalization has a certain truth, Logan.  I can't see how it would be possible for a teen to transition without family support - maybe extended family, but family nonetheless.  I don't know about the 35+ age, though.  Often people are in long-term relationships by then - marriage, whatever - and have obligations they must meet. 

I am three times your age, and one real advatage I had was that I have no family obligations.  I am a widow, my daughter is grown and on her own, and if my brother and sister objected then so what?  (They didn't.)

When you are still dependent on your family, then you have a number of restrictions that others don't have.  So ramble and vent away.

- Kate