Freak out before SRS?

[Valerie Elizabeth]

So, I have about 2 months to go before my SRS, and it's kind of scary.  I don't even really know how to describe it.

Like, it's like "whoa, two months to go."  blink.  blink.

Anyone else go through something similar?  Am I nuts?

[gothique11]

nope, it's normal. It's a big surgery, and also a big change.

[Robyn]

My position remains the same: If you don't get a bit nervous, I'd worry about you.

Remember that when you wake up, you have to lift the sheet, pump ypour fist, and say, "Yes!"  It's not official until you do.

Best wishes.

Robyn
Been there, done that, have the T-shirt

[rejennyrated]

One of the side effects of having originally progressed at almost indecent breakneck speed in my youthful naivety was that I never allowed myself time to freak out because I was so determined to get it all over with as fast as possible.

But from the perspective of slightly more senior years I agree with the others it is a big step and some feelings of aprehension are absolutely normal and healthy.

The fact that you are allowing yourself to admit that you are scared and are thinking about what you are doing is good. 25 years on and second time around I'm certainly nervous about my cosmetic update, and wondering if I am being stupid and risking spoiling a pussy which although not perfect has served me reasonably well for all that time... So don't worry it's normal.

[Valentina]

Nope you aren't nuts.  I posted something similar before my GRS too.

Here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,41592.0.html

[sneakersjay]

I'm about to finalize a date for mine and while I really want and need the end result, the thought of them 'messing' with my junk makes me nervous, and the thought of a long painful recovery scary.  But can't live with these wrong parts any more.  Not working for me.  Gotta get it done while I'm healthy enough and have the funds.  And get on with the rest of my life.


Jay

[mmelny]

Hi Valerie,

I think i had/have that.. lol.. and watching 'sex change hospital' hasn't really helped much, as I watch in morbid fascination as Marci systematically slices and dices her way to genital freedom, placing myself on that operating table in my head... yikes!

Countdown months 6 to 2 seemed to drag.. time literally moved slowly, I don't know how to describe it.  Perhaps it's the holidays, but the last month has flown by, and I don't see time slowing down any from here, thank goodness.

Exactly 4 weeks from today, I'll be asked to put on a plastic mask and count the birdies flying around, and I'm still a bit nervous, but I have a feeling after a holiday weekend spent with my gf, that I'll pass from this 'nervous' phase to the 'calm resolution and happiness phase', similiar to how I reacted before FFS this time last year.  At least I hope I hit this phase, or I'll be a complete nutcase the next month!   

If your nuts, I'm nuts! But just as about everyone has mentioned, it's human and quite normal to be excited, nervous, even scared going into something like this.  Find someone to hug and hold, and whisper sweet things to you  

Good luck! 
Melan

[pretty pauline]

Hi Valerie
Its perfectly natural to feel a little anxious or nerves leading up to your surgery.
I remember way back in 1985 when my date was set, I really only got anxious about 2weeks before my big day, then 2days before getting ready was all a blur, I remember on the day itself I was surpose to be going under @10am, but for some reason or other my surgery did not start till 2PM in the afternoon, that morning I was given a sedative to relax and calm my neves, my Mam was a great support, it was wonderful when it was all over, its over quicker than you think.
When I came out of hospital my Mam treated me to a pamper in a beauty salon, a new hairdo and a makeover, the lead up is the worse but its good when its over, the first day just to be a complete woman, you'v that wonderful future to look forward to, best wishes and good luck.

p

[K8]

I think that it's normal, Valerie.  (At least I hope it is. )  I feaked out about six months out and then calmed down.  I started freaking out again at about five months to go but have calmed again.

So far I haven't been worried about the actual surgery, but about the implications.  My last freak-out was when I came to the realization that, yes, this might actually happen.  I've been afraid of admitting to myself that this is what is going to happen.  I've only wanted it for more than 60 years, and it actually, really, possibly, may happen.  I'm still not ready to say it will happen.  I'm still too afraid to say that.  But it's looking more and more like it will.  Wow.  How can a grown person cope with the concept of getting her fondest wish?

You're a bit ahead of me.  Let us know how it goes.

- Kate

[FairyGirl]

of all the people currently running tickers till SRS here, so far I think mine is last Still I am very anxious about it and think I will be until it's over, and like everyone else said I'm pretty sure that's normal. A lot will change on that day. At this point however every time I think about it, the overwhelming feeling is that I'll just be glad when it's done and over with and I can get on with my life. I wish all my sisters the best of success in becoming complete.

[Valerie Elizabeth]

Thanks everyone!!

That makes me feel better.  I'm glad I'm not the only one freaking out.  Good luck to everyone who has upcoming surgeries!!

[jesse]

trying my best to catch up with you val good luck on the surgery i hope you heal quickly
jessica

[Flan]

My position remains the same: If you don't get a bit nervous, I'd worry about you.

If I had surgery tomorrow, I would be cool with it. 

As I see it, it's a trust thing, that the surgeon and assistants will perform to their ability so that not only there isn't many, if any, complications after the surgery, but since for most, it's a one time only deal, (barring revisions) one has to trust that the surgeon can provide for the means to be more happy in the long term. (in terms of aesthetics and function of the new getup)

Now the trip there is a different story, from bad "food"...


...to worse seats...


... and wondering what city my luggage will end up in, I'm not too fond of 3 hours 30 min, to 4 hours in the air in cattle class. 

[Northern Jane]

Like Jenny, I never did the freak-out thing. SRS was impossible when I was young and by the time the door opened, I was way more than ready. My freak-out came with trying to get to Colorado and running into one roadblock after another! (It is  along story.) When I finally got to Trinidad and Dr. Biber said "Yes" everything was fine.

[Meshi]

I went into a kind of depression after labiaplasty.  One can get  postpartum symptoms aft SRS or even it is two stage. 

[K8]

I was talking to a long-time friend about this today.  He is very happily masculine.  He was trying to understand my feelings, saying he imagined I would have some separation anxiety.  I tried to explain to him that I've wanted this since I was very small, and my anxiety was more that it still wouldn't happen for some reason.  I think that because he is very happy with his male parts he has trouble understanding my having no anxiety about being rid of mine.

To some extent, I think I will be freaking out until I wake up after it is done.  Somehow the impending surgery just seems too good to be true.

- Kate

[Sandy]

The anticipation and the anxiety of the process can be daunting.

I was incredibly anxious about my flight and not so much about my surgery.  I had not flown since before 2001 and had heard so many horror stories of people being delayed or even rejected for flight.  I have had my shoulder rebuilt as a result of an accident while I was younger, so I ALWAYS set off the metal detectors.  I knew I was going to be pulled out of line and hand scanned.  I was terrified of being found out as a female with a penis and being questioned by the brown shirts er, TSA people.

As it turned out I flew through the hand scanning, it is much more cognizant of my personal space as a woman.  And I ended up literally collapsing on the flight out and didn't wake up until we were about halfway to Philly.

I think that may have masked any anxiety I may have had about the operation.  I figured once I was on the plane everything else was down hill.  The only other time I was a bit anxious was when I was in the surgical prep area with tubes in my arms and they said they couldn't find my blood test results.  If they couldn't locate them they would have cancelled my surgery.  All turned out right though.

-Sandy

[Marie731]

Anyone else go through something similar?  Am I nuts?

Seems normal to me. It's quite a change and experience that's approaching!

I didn't freak out about *what* was about to happen. I actually freaked out that I wasn't freaking out lol, as I worried I was in denial or something. I kept waiting to suddenly panic, like yelling "No wait!" as I was going under. But nah, never happened.

What I DID obsess about was missing some logistical detail, not signing some form, letters not getting there, making traveling arrangements... stuff like that. I actually had fears and nightmares that my therapist would get mad and call my surgeon saying she'd changed her mind. I was just so terrified something would happen, or I'd forget something, and the surgery wouldn't happen.

What I finally got to the, "OK, count backwards from 10... 9..." point, it was just such a HUGE relief to know I'd actually made it...