I was young i don't know maby ten or eleven or younger.I tried on my mothers pantyhose i guess i felt this power like she was the boss when i was young.I don't really know what it was but i liked it.I kept on wearing them in private Into my teen's i was masturbating in them ,and well into my 20's also and into my 30's too.sometimes i wanted to be my mom .I mean i wanted to be a woman.I dressed more, like with a skirt and heels then a nice dress and i would buy a bra,then a wig.I felt good as a woman.then i would masturbate and feel guilty and the shame would loom over me like a ton of bricks.I would throw everyting away ,only for it to return.the guilt persisted over decades.the first time i said " >-bleeped-< it " and dressed and went to a bar this hunk of a man put his arm around me and said "you look nice baby" and gave me a kiss.i melted,i was almost crying.I kissed him back because i really loved that feeling of being pretty.needless to say after more drinks i wound up in bed with him.the next day i was soo afraid of what i had just done i mean >-bleeped-< i just had sex with a man ,thoughts are streaming though my head like a freight train and i had a hangover. my ass hurt from him >-bleeped-<ing me.I quickly started to block it out of my mind and be a man to get drunk and watch war movies.A few months later i wanted that arm around me again with that kiss.I longed for it, i wanted to feel like a woman again.i never could talk about this on the crossdresser forum's because the wive's would say "omg he is gay".But i know in my heart i loved this man and i am most likely gay witch puts me in the minority .Today i know i am a gay transvestite and i like it when men check me out.If i am not turning their heads means i am doing something wrong
