I used to have FUN!

[Julie Marie]

Last Saturday I got all dolled up.  And I felt great!  Then I let some stupid comment get to me and my fun ended.  Why?

I used to go out on the weekends and have the time of my life!  I hadn't yet admitted I was TS so I didn't take being read as an insult.  I knew I was born male and I even used my given voice, which is pretty deep.  I didn't care.  I was having fun.

I realized this when I was going through some old pics.  Here are a few that reminded me of how much fun I used to have:

One of the complaints I had with my ex is she was no fun.  She was too serious.  Now I'm finding myself being the same way.  Is this because I'm taking on a female personna?  Or am I taking transitioning too seriously?

Whatever the case, I knew this was coming.  Even before I saw those pics I had already decided to go out tomorrow and make a night of it.  There's a lot of people I haven't seen in a while because I'm home before midnight.  Tomorrow I'm taking an afternoon nap and plan on staying out really late.  And I may even wear a wig, just for old times sake.  I just miss having fun!

Julie

[Melissa]

Just keep in mind that the whole point of transitioning is so you can be yourself.  If you don't feel that you can be, then make the necessary adjustments.  If putting the wig on and not caring if people read you is what it takes, then I say go for it.

Melissa

[Julie Marie]

Just keep in mind that the whole point of transitioning is so you can be yourself.  If you don't feel that you can be, then make the necessary adjustments.  If putting the wig on and not caring if people read you is what it takes, then I say go for it.

Melissa

Melissa, I am me.  There is no acceptable gender definition that fits me.  I'm not a woman but I am a female.  I am happiest en femme.  Wave a magic wand over me and make me totally female and you will see a grin from ear to ear but that ain't gonna happen!  So I have to play the hand that's dealt.  This is five card draw.  I HAVE to keep at least two cards, bone structure and vocal cords.  That's part of the game.  And I'm okay with that.  I'm a decent poker player.

So I have chosen to focus on having fun when I'm me.  And I used to have so much fun I wanted to pinch myself.  This continued until I started getting serious about transitioning.  And therein lies the teltale word, serious. 

Tell the world Julie has tried serious and it doesn't work.

Anyone for some fun?

[Elizabeth]

Hey JUlie,

Perhaps what was fun before was getting to express a part of yourself that was normally bottled up. It may be that because you can express your gender all the time now, this need to feel this happiness is not pent up like it used to be.

I know this is somewhat true of me. I clearly remember being so jealous of you, reading about how you were out en femme and having such a great time. It had a lot to do with me facing my own denial, as you well know.

I love being female and have a smile plastered on my face all the time now. I don't feel that same rush as I did the first few times I went out dressed, because I don't have that need pent up anymore, but I would be lying if I told you It don't make me smile when I look down and see the end of my dress, or my slip sticking out as I push in the clutch.

It might not be that you are no fun anymore as much as you don't have the need you once did to get that expression out of you. Don't be surprised if you don't seem to have as much fun as you remember.

Remember what Will Rogers said "things aren't like they used to be, and probably never were".

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Laurry]

Julie...YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

Life is too short to take seriously...and every moment wasted is gone forever.  Life is not always good to us, (and vice versa), and we don't always get a chance to enjoy ourselves.  When times come where you can relax, not worry about anything, and just have a good time, it sure is a crime to waste it.

We can all become bogged down in our daily routine.  Work, home, cooking, cleaning, "visiting Susan"  then to bed and do the same thing the next day...and the next...and the next....  We need to reward ourselves every now and then, blow off some steam and dance our socks off.

Easy to say, but don't let some bozo ruin your night (or day).  You learn to live with jerks that cut you off when driving, almost come to expect it half the time.  You have to learn to deal with the bozos.  Sometimes the comments hurt a lot...sometimes you just want to crawl in a hole and die...sometimes you want to sock the bozo.  We can't control what people say to us or about us...we can only control how we react to them...it is your choice as to how you will deal with the situation...keeping safety in mind, of course.

Knock yourself out and HAVE FUN!!!

Hugs.....Laurie

[Robyn]

Julie. if your icon photo is you look like nowadays, I don't see how anyone could ever 'read' you as anything but female.

Fun changes as life develops.  I wouldn't worry if your outlook changes. To me, there is little that is more fun geocaching with my husband, particularly on Maui.  Time for reading a good book is fun, too.  And did I mention a rare afternoon nap?

But then again, I've only been to one bar in my life, a gay bar, and it was <cough hack> smoky.

Party on.

Robyn

[Ricki]

Julie I sympathize totally.  I find myself being and becoming the opposite as each month passes. - less serious maybe not always fun but less serious!
As a young person i was soo driven and soo utterly serious about everything i was a walking meltdown!  Work would just crimple me into a ball because i was soo serious about every little thing that happened.  Social life, few to little hobbies i had time for back then....relationships, everything drove me to the brink of heart attacks cause i was soo serious!  that was well into my late 20's early 30's.  These last 7-8 years I've been playing catch-up!
Hobbies, having fun, doing fun things...Now they play an even (for gender sake-continuity)bigger role my hobbies and personal time are spent filling my time with fun, active distractions, enjoyment, activities that please me and pass the time?  Really i only have time in this life and that is one thing i cannot control "time" so i manipulate it as best as i can-think as an adult hitting middle agedness (a word? Hmmm) i am becoming less serious, exercising less contorl over things and just trying to live and fill each day.  I do not know if that makes sense.  A plan is better than no plan.
To be relevant i guess to get so caught up in a huge thing or process or journey (umm like transitioning or whatever) and then lose sight of other things  happens all the time but you are recognizing it right>
So would it be too late to let go a little and make some small changes! 

[Julie Marie]

Well, I'm all dolled up but it's all me!  No wig, no forms just all Julie.  And I haven't felt better!  I'm in mostly "earth" colors but with a black leather jacket.  Ya gotta let them know you have a bad side.  Tonight I'm gonna blow them away!

Pictures at 10

Love ya,
Julie the nutcase 

[Melissa]

Julie that's wonderful.  I remember the first time I went out without breastforms.  It felt so great to be natural.  I think I never wore them after that again.  Now, I hadn't even been on HRT for 2 weeks, so this was all growth that had occurred beforehand.  I knew what it was that made me feel great too.  I felt fake as a male and I still felt fake when wearing a wig and breastforms.  As I started to actually be female, that's when the clouds of despair started to part.  Right now, I pretty much am female and it feel so great.  I don't really worry too much about passing anymore and that's also a huge part of the relief.  I hope you were able to have fun.

Melissa

[Julie Marie]

I felt fake as a male and I still felt fake when wearing a wig and breastforms.  As I started to actually be female, that's when the clouds of despair started to part. 
Melissa

Yeah, I know the feeling.  Last weekend I found it really hard to put on that wig but I will admit once I did I felt I looked better.  Still, I don't see a repeat of that anytime soon.  I haven't worn forms in a very long time.  Like you, I felt phony with them.  It's nice to have enough that I don't need them anymore.  Last night I had on a gold V-neck sweater that was cut deep enough to show cleavage.  I don't know why but when I'm sporting cleavage I feel so womanly. 

As far as pics, when I went to take my first picture I found the battery was almost dead.  There wasn't enough juice to take even one picture.  Bummer!  The picture I was posing for had me and the bartender in it.  He was dressed as a murderous mad scientist with a bloody lab coat, wild hair and horn rimmed glasses.  It was a great costume!  Next time I'll make sure the battery is fully charged.  Live and learn.  Anyway, I had a pretty good time and ran into some people I hadn't seen in over a year.

Julie

[Melissa]

I don't know why but when I'm sporting cleavage I feel so womanly. 

Yeah, I wouldn't know why that is either.

Anyway, I had a pretty good time and ran into some people I hadn't seen in over a year.

Wonderful!  Do tell about their reactions to you changes.

Melissa