Do you ever feel bitter, and that LGB have it easy?

[Elijah3291]

I mean, yes a lot of us are LGB as well as transgendered, but still

People always talk about what LGB have to deal with, etc, and there are so many support groups for them.  its like what people say "the T is silent" For example, I was just on my schools PRIDE website, and it hardly mentions transgender issues its all about LGB.  I probably wont go to the group now, because I will most likely get tagged as a lesbian, and that isnt me, I'm gay.

I dunno, just feel a little bitter about that, wondering if anyone else did too.

[LivingInGrey]

I'd have to say that the issue of LGB ranks a bit up there in the sexual identity issue. I can understand most of the people in a tans community would feel that they are L G or B, but to have people confuse or include 'all transitional people' as L G or B is a bit odd for me.

I try to avoid the actively LGB community in general.

But then again... I'm not L G or B.

I'd say go, if they give you static about who you are... then don't go again, just don't let it hurt your feelings. It's like going to a church and finding out your not 'in their opinion' (what ever their excuse may be) a God fearing person.

[Lachlann]

I feel rather bitter a snubbed by a lot of things as of late. And yes I have.

I've had the unfortunate experience of dealing with people from the LGB who weren't all that accepting of me being trans. Even had one tell me I have a mental problem. I just try to remind myself it's just people in general who are like this, it's not always the affiliation.

[Janet_Girl]

We seem to be the redheaded step child when it comes to issues.  No wonder that people seem to think that this is a lifestyle and a 'choice'.

The only 'choice' is that we choose to be true to ourselves.  Some of are G, L or B.  But some of us are straight.  We need to stand and be counted.  Counted as just being T.  And T only.


Janet

[eshaver]

First , I agree with what Janet just said , way to go girl !!!!!!!!!!!  Secondly , I left a local Metropolitan church because I got tired of Pleading for acceptence ! What you say , a M C C Church that dosent accept Trans   Sad but true , Ive spent several years trying in vain to gain acceptence of several of the people there . They either don't or never will accept the fact that Transpeople arent a Freak show or there for their entertainment ! Oh yes , I was even told by one member that the reason he came to church was to see what I might be wearing ! I dunno, I know Im way too out of the closet to ever go back . Ive come this far and folks , im here and I want to share and learn all I can to help us become better at being Transgendered individuals !! Ellen Shaver

[Dana_W]

To answer the question... yes. I do feel L,G,B people have it a bit easier. (Perhaps the L and the G moreso than the B, who often get a lot of resistance from the L and G people who don't believe B's is supposed to be a permanent state. But that's for another post.)

Other than the fact that being T is not yet as accepted by society overall, for those of us T's on the transsexual side there is also that nasty and loooooong process known as transition. L, G, B get to come out and then just get on with life. We come out and then get on spending ourselves blind to correct our bodies, trying to learn habits and traits other people learned while growing up, and trying to unlearn the habits we forced ourselves to learn in order to fit in.

I know my opinion here is inevitably biased, but I don't think L, G, B people have anything close to that hard. And yeah, it does bother me that many of them would rather dismiss us altogether than care.

[Icephoenyx]

I try to avoid the actively LGB community in general.

So you wouldn't be friends with someone who identifies as G, L, or B?

Similar to me, I feel absolutely zero connection to the GLB community, and I hate when people assume that I belong to that GLBT umbrella term. I consider myself a straight woman, and I'm not a big fan of the GLB community, especially when you have men who purposely highten their voices and run around in tight pink tank tops to draw attention to themselves. It makes other GLB's look bad.

Overall, I believe they do have it easier, more resources and a little more understanding. They also don't have to shell out thousands of dollars to transition, and don't have to worry about all the beauracracy of being trans.

However, I can hold my boyfriend's hand in public without stares

The GLBT acronym doesn't mean much. Besides the GLB vs T issue, there is a lot of animosity within the community, esp. with the treatment of bisexuals that Diana mentioned.

Elijah, personally I would not go to that group, but if you do, please let us know your experience! They may not understand your perspective, however...

[Asfsd4214]

To answer the question... yes. I do feel L,G,B people have it a bit easier. (Perhaps the L and the G moreso than the B, who often get a lot of resistance from the L and G people who don't believe B's is supposed to be a permanent state. But that's for another post.)

I'd go way further than "a bit".

I can't speak for anyone else, but I would take being a lesbian rather than trans any day.

I think that the T part of GLBT only serves political purposes. And in that sense, we stand far more to gain from it than GLB's do.

There's far less of us than GLB's and I don't think our issues really relate at all.

GLB are all varied sexual affiliations, our issues are nothing to do with sexual affiliation. In that sense, it only makes sense that we're the minority of the GLBT minority. 

I completely understand why some LGB's wouldn't want to be associated with us. In just the same way as Gay's and Lesbians might not like being grouped together with the Transgender spectrum as a whole, I don't like being grouped together with other parts of the transgender spectrum either.

[K8]

When I first talked to my minister about being TG, I told her it would be easier to be gay.  She said that's because almost everyone either knows someone who is gay or knows of someone who is gay, but not many people know that they know someone who is TG.  It's the numbers and the visibility.  That helped me a lot to be open to everyone, sort of as a public-education project.

My gay friends accept me fully, but they always have – they are my friends.  I've had a couple of lesbians become friendlier, perhaps seeing me as someone on a journey a little like theirs.  The few times I've been with "the LGB community" they have accepted me even when they don't understand me – accepted me as an outcast like them, even though I am outcast for other reasons.

Having been on the fringes of the gay community most of my life, I've found that it includes many jerks and bigots – probably in about the same proportion as the general population.

One place I lived they were trying to pass a non-discrimination law.  There was a fight within the LGBT community whether to press for inclusion of gender identity.  Some insisted that we T's should be included; others said it would make it harder to pass.  It was included in the proposed legislation and didn't pass.  (Perhaps the bathroom issue. )

Our issues are different than those of at least gays and lesbians, but we usually benefit from our inclusion in LGBT because that increases our numbers and therefore our clout.  As for them having it easier, as one who marched for gay rights I would say we are just lagging thier hard-fought progress.

- Kate

[Asfsd4214]

When I first talked to my minister about being TG, I told her it would be easier to be gay.  She said that's because almost everyone either knows someone who is gay or knows of someone who is gay, but not many people know that they know someone who is TG.

Do you agree with that?

I could be on a desert island by myself and my GID would STILL bother me. Would the same be true of homosexuality?

EDIT: Maybe I am bitter after all. 

[sarahm]

I have to say, I am a bit envious of L and G, but haven't had a problem with any. They know what it is like to be outside the normal (a different way to how we are)... Aside from that, I have known 2 bisexual people, one was a girl when I was at TAFE (Further Education) and she was my best friend. The other person I know, is a guy from work (Who is REALLY CUTE) and he has a thing for me (Apparently)

I think it would be easier having a Bisexual boyfriend then a straight boyfriend. Because the response I would get when comming out to them would be something along the lines of; "Oh cool! I've done it with a 2 in 1"

[Asfsd4214]

I have to say, I am a bit envious of L and G, but haven't had a problem with any. They know what it is like to be outside the normal (a different way to how we are)... Aside from that, I have known 2 bisexual people, one was a girl when I was at TAFE (Further Education) and she was my best friend. The other person I know, is a guy from work (Who is REALLY CUTE) and he has a thing for me (Apparently)

I think it would be easier having a Bisexual boyfriend then a straight boyfriend. Because the response I would get when comming out to them would be something along the lines of; "Oh cool! I've done it with a 2 in 1"

If a boyfriend said that to me, I don't think the relationship would last. lol 

[K8]

I could be on a desert island by myself and my GID would STILL bother me. Would the same be true of homosexuality?

You have a point, Ashley.  But my minister and I were talking mainly about the social constructs and how society had held me back from being myself and how I was struggling to come out to myself and to others.  One of my best friends is a gay man my age.  He went through years of denying his homosexuality, married, had two sons, divorced...  Well, you know the pattern.

I also meant that it would be easier to be gay because I knew what being gay was but still hadn't figured out what being transgendered was.

You're right about the desert island for many of us.  Some of us have extreme discomfort with our bodies.  I pretty much accepted mine (most of the time) but was very uncomfortable in my role in society.  I realize that is not always the case.

- Kate

[LivingInGrey]

So you wouldn't be friends with someone who identifies as G, L, or B?

I can't say I wouldn't be friends with someone who identifies as G, L, or B... But I wont go to a social gathering of "Actively" (In other words the people who like to stand in the open and scream they are the way they are, then wait for wolves to rip them apart just so they can QQ about it to the media) G, L and B participants in hopes to make a friend and help represent the T community. I've had several friends that were at the time, and probably still are openly G, L or B and I have a friend that I didn't know for 3 years until he introduced me to his boyfriend.

[Silver]

Well, on one hand they do have it better in an absolute sense. More accepted in society, no transition. And transition isn't perfect either. It's certainly expensive to medically transition.

But on the other hand, their struggles probably seem as difficult/stressing to them as ours do to us. So they shouldn't be dismissed, but neither should they dismiss us. Which apparently they frequently do. And make generalizations about us, and dismiss the condition. I don't really see transsexuals doing this to non-trans LGB and it's pretty unfair.

[gennee]

I'm not bitter about it. Each group has its own issues and struggles. I am a straight transsexual woman who is still learning. There are many in the GLB community who do not understand what transgender people are about. Gender is often equated with sexuality and that's not correct.

The difference between T and GLB is that we wear our identity in the open whereas sexuality is not always so. I have been able to educate some folks about transgender people.

Gennee 

[Just Kate]

I think the T needs to get off of the the LGB coattails.  We really are fundamentally different with different issues!  The only thing we really had in common before was a shared distaste for all of us by society.  Now the LGB feels we are holding them back, and in truth, we can never gain the acceptance we desire while associating ourselves with them.

I've never felt bitter toward them.  Their current and past activists worked very hard to get them to where they are today, and while not every member of the LGB community contributed to their success, I am glad for them.  I do wish they'd stop being so damn whiny though (just finished reading the StopTheAvatar thread) - seems they can afford to be now considering all the gains they've made.

[Marie731]

Nah, I think we have things much easier. We can often assimilate into the mainstream and blend back in, while the GLB will always be subject to public prejudice (if in a relationship).

[Just Kate]

Nah, I think we have things much easier. We can often assimilate into the mainstream and blend back in, while the GLB will always be subject to public prejudice (if in a relationship).

In that way they are the same as we are.  They can assimilate too so long as they choose not to show the world their lifestyle and let others assume they are heterosexual.

[K8]

In that way they are the same as we are.  They can assimilate too so long as they choose not to show the world their lifestyle and let others assume they are heterosexual.

Many of us, once we transition, blend into normalcy.  But when you're gay you are always gay.  My friends have been together in a committed relationship for 25 years but can't marry.  They are two men living in the same house, which means they are out to all their neighbors.  They don't feel they can hold hands in public.  They can't give each other a little peck hello or good-bye in public.  They have different issues than I do, but they have issues nonetheless.

And just as my transition is hardly a lifestyle, them living together in a loving relationship is hardly a lifestyle.

- Kate