Life in the future - Do you have a plan - expectations?

[Steph]

I would be interested in knowing what your thoughts are on this topic, and what advice you would consider to be relevant.

From a quick read of the TS forums it is obvious that practically everyone is tied up with their immediate future, and probably rightly so... therapy, HRT, coming out, and the other issues that we know affect us in the, shall we say, early years.

But what of the future, post op, yes we have those who transitioned late in life, in their late 50's and 60's, but what are your plans past this age when we become elderly and we possibly need care.  Are there specific issues that we need to be aware of such as the need for HRT, continued dilation, hair loss, possible health complications due to HRT, etc. etc.

We often advise that we need a plan in order to transition successfully, and I think that this plan needs to extend past transition.  I have my thoughts on this but it would be very interesting to get input from our post op members as to their plans, if any, and of course thoughts from our other TS members.

Have at it folks.

Steph

[Sheila]

Steph,
    I live everyday as a special day to me. I told myself that if I die on the way back from Thailand it would all be worth it. I would have died complete and whole. I was a woman to start with some abnormalities, but after the surgery I'm whole and complete.
    I took a part time job as a bus driver just to meet people, especially the school districts as they were one group that oppose gender identity. I'm now working with children and adults as myself and everyone knows who I am. I don't keep it a secret, but I don't scream it out either. I guess I'm making a case for TS's one person at a time. I still belong to various groups in town here that are connected with the city, county and law enforcement. They all know and in fact cheered me on when I went for my surgery. My expectations are that people will know that we are not monsters and that we do exist and that I'm proof of it. We are a cross cut of civilization and that we do have some bad apples in the barrel, just like anyother culture, race or gender. Treat us with respect and don't put the spot light on us. We are normal as anyone else. This will be my life and my future. If I land in a rest home then so be it. I may get hit by a bus going to work today, who knows. I know I won't try suicide anymore as I'm cured of that. The future is in Gods hands or who ever that thing is in the sky or maybe no one. Who knows. I'm an average woman with small expectations. I would love to hit the lottery but not planning on it.
Sheila

[Melissa]

You know, I thought about this very subject and I decided that I could start making plans and living my life how I wanted right now.  There are few things that I am delaying until after surgery.  I am dellaying major expenditures for now just so I can save money, but there is no reason to not just be me.  I have some long term goals in mind and some of these goals will be easier to accomplish after surgery and documentation changes, but for the most part, I am doing stuff now that I always wanted to do as a woman.  I believe that surgery should not be an ultimate goal, but a milestone in life.  After we get past that milestone, there is still so much you can do.  What plans would you make if you had been born a GG?  Well, you should be able to achieve those plans (short of giving birth) after transition.  Then ask yourself which of those plans you can start doing right away.  There are so many aspects to life that I believe we will constantly reinvent new goals as we go along this path which we call transition.  The trick is to not lose focus of these goals, but to record them and hold them dear to our hearts.

Melissa

[Robyn]

There's an old saying that applies to us as well as to everyone else:  "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."

That's why I try to say, "I intend to..."

Life after transition has been quite different from what I anticipated.  E.g., I have a husband rather than the expected lesbian partner.  I've worked much more than expected.  (I'm just a girl who can't say No.)

Although we have pretty close to free medical care (Medicare + TRICARE for Life), there will still be medical concerns.  As a postop who has been completely honest with her medical providers, I don't foresee a difference in meeting health problems from any other older woman, though. 

As a transactivist, I expect to continue advocating for equal medical treatment for TransElders, for all Trans people. 

Robyn

[Steph]

There's an old saying that applies to us as well as to everyone else:  "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."

That's why I try to say, "I intend to..."

Life after transition has been quite different from what I anticipated.  E.g., I have a husband rather than the expected lesbian partner.  I've worked much more than expected.  (I'm just a girl who can't say No.)

Although we have pretty close to free medical care (Medicare + TRICARE for Life), there will still be medical concerns.  As a postop who has been completely honest with her medical providers, I don't foresee a difference in meeting health problems from any other older woman, though. 

As a transactivist, I expect to continue advocating for equal medical treatment for TransElders, for all Trans people. 

Robyn

And this is what I was referring too Robyn.  I haven't seen any studies on the long term effects of HRT on TS.  Additionally is anyone aware of any complications that elderly TS have been exposed too.  How about complications due to an elderly TS being unable to dilate.  These are the issues I'm referring to and should we have plans in place in preparation.  I'm not talking about goals, milestones or living as a woman, I'm doing that now and will be for the rest of my life, this is a natural progression for most TS post ops.  I'm looking for information on elderly TS women.  Elderly women suffer from several illnesses in their later years, osteoporosis is one, even breast cancer etc, urinary problems etc.

Is there any information on this.

Steph

[Julie Marie]

Steph, my understanding is osteoporosis is caused by a drop in estrogen levels.  Since we will be taking estrogen until we die I'd imagine that would be less of a problem.  Add to that the bone density we achieved as a male and it may not be a factor at all. 

But I'm wondering if you are worrying for nothing.  By that I don't mean not caring for yourself but rather worrying about things over which we have no control.  Granted, there's very little mainstream knowledge about what trans persons can expect as they age but I'm sure there is some information that's been documented.  After all we aren't the first generation to have transitioning persons in it.

I look at all that as "I will address it as it comes".  We know when things are beginning to fail.  And we are aware when it's time to do something about it.  I'm not sure we need to be treated any different than anyone else.  And worrying about it might age us more than it helps us.

There was a documentary I saw recently where this group participated in self administration of a 'youth serum'.  If I remember correctly the 'potion' consisted of HRT meds as well as other things.  The doctor who started the group felt strongly that compensating for the testosterone loss that comes with age (in men) was a major factor in helping keep him younger.  I think he was in his 70's but had the physique of a physically fit man in his mid 40's.

But what I walked away with was the feeling that as long as we remain on HRT we won't be subject to the physical breakdowns caused by lower hormone levels from aging.  And if we need a testosterone boost we could always asks our doctor for it.  We are lifelong HRT patients but that can be good if we work with our doctor to keep them at healthy levels.

Julie

[Steph]

Steph, my understanding is osteoporosis is caused by a drop in estrogen levels.  Since we will be taking estrogen until we die I'd imagine that would be less of a problem.  Add to that the bone density we achieved as a male and it may not be a factor at all. 

But I'm wondering if you are worrying for nothing.  By that I don't mean not caring for yourself but rather worrying about things over which we have no control.  Granted, there's very little mainstream knowledge about what trans persons can expect as they age but I'm sure there is some information that's been documented.  After all we aren't the first generation to have transitioning persons in it.

I look at all that as "I will address it as it comes".  We know when things are beginning to fail.  And we are aware when it's time to do something about it.  I'm not sure we need to be treated any different than anyone else.  And worrying about it might age us more than it helps us.

There was a documentary I saw recently where this group participated in self administration of a 'youth serum'.  If I remember correctly the 'potion' consisted of HRT meds as well as other things.  The doctor who started the group felt strongly that compensating for the testosterone loss that comes with age (in men) was a major factor in helping keep him younger.  I think he was in his 70's but had the physique of a physically fit man in his mid 40's.

But what I walked away with was the feeling that as long as we remain on HRT we won't be subject to the physical breakdowns caused by lower hormone levels from aging.  And if we need a testosterone boost we could always asks our doctor for it.  We are lifelong HRT patients but that can be good if we work with our doctor to keep them at healthy levels.

Julie

Thanks for the reply Julie it's really appreciated.  I never said that "I" was worrying about this, as I'm not, I just feel that there should be information on these issues that is available to refer too.  We have information on ton's of things as can be seen with a quick scan of the Wiki, but there is really no information out there that deals with elderly TS.

In your reply you yourself used words such as "I imagine", "May" and "I walked away with the feeling", and this is my point.  Is there anything concrete out there on us TS.

Steph

[Ricki]

Oh i so very uch like this but have to pass for tonight the hours are catching up with me too fast maybe tomorrow i have something to look forward to now!

[Melissa]

Now I understand what you are talking about Steph.  I have thought about this too.  The oldest TS I know is Northern Jane who had her SRS in 1974 when it was first becoming affordable.The thing is, we are in a way pioneers so there seems to not be much data over 30 years.  We also have Cindi here who has been post-op for nearly 20 years.  I know her health is suffering, but you will have to talk to her on specifics.  My future health is something that does worry me and was one of the factors in me being suicidal.  Because I know I had no choice but to transition, but will my health be compromised as a result?  It seems likely.  Perhaps we will have shorter lives with all of the medical modifications we are doing/have done to our bodies.  Unfortunately, with the limited amount of data, the predictability is really nothing more than an educated guess.  So, yes I have thought quite hard about this and this is the conclusion I have come to thus far.

Melissa

[tinkerbell]

tinkerbell

[beth]

Wow Tinkerbell,


                What beautiful plans. You certainly deserve all of them and all the happiness they will bring.




beth

[tinkerbell]

tinkerbell

[Elizabeth]

Hey everyone,

Try this. Think back five years ago. To what you thought was going to happen in five years. Did anyone correctly predict where they would be? Where loved ones would be? Where the world would be?

Life is uncertain. No one knows what's going to happen. I spent my whole life stressed about what was going to happen, as if I somehow controlled it. I have finally learned to live each day as it comes to me. Really treat every moment as if it were as precious as the one before. I have no place in my life now for anger or regrets.  I worry that trying to plan very far into the future is a egotistical thing to do, considering my track record.

I really don't know how to approach it. I have goals, but how I will get to them is not exactly clear yet. Never sure it has been. I am just absolutely sure I don't want to trade even one second of happiness now, for some future happines that may never get here. So I am kinda stuck. I have worried about this issue also.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[cindianna_jones]

HRT will change for you when you are not fighting testosterone.  Your dose should be lowered to what a typical female takes.  You do not have to take hormones the rest of your life.  You can also go through menopause at an older age.  I've done it prematurely because my doctor advised me that taking estrogens could conflict with other medicines I am taking.  So, at age 48, I discontinued taking hormones.  It took 2 and a half years for the night sweats to go away. Now I'm fine.  My doctor sees no downside for not taking hormones.

We have our retirement plans.  Hubby will retire at 52 (in 4 years).  I'm officially retired but I do have my own business that keeps me busy.  We have life insurance on each other.  We talk about the "golden years" so that we will be financially prepared, but quite honestly we plan for now. We do volunteer work and plan to do more. Yosemite National park is nearby and we would both enjoy volunteering up there. He wants to restore an old Jeep Willeys and he loves building and maintaining our hiking trails on our property.  I want to gut the house and build custom furniture and cabnetry. I'd like to go to luthier school to repair stringed instruments. He wants to learn how to use the computer.  I want to walk away from them.

We try very hard to take advantage of every moment in the here and now.  I'm not worried about medical care.  I've been to see medical professionals in many places. I've only had a truly negative experience once.

No matter where we have lived, we've found our place.  I currently live in a very conservative area now and have no problems. People love us.  I have really good neighbors.  The closest one lives a quarter mile away... but you know what?  I know these people here better than when we were packed next to each other in the bay area.  We do things for each other. We visit.  I fix everybodies computer and I build handicap ramps for older people so that they can get in their homes. I've been asked to help fix a fence and turn a tractor over among other things. 

So I'm still pretty young at 51.  I'm doing what I thought I could only do at 65.  I'm thrilled to do what I'm doing.  I'd say that we are sitting on top of the world.. especially from two small town hicks that met only 16 years ago when we didn't have a toothpick to split between the two of us.  You talk about the American dream. I'm living it.

Cindi

[Buffy]

My plan was to rebuild my life.... which I have.

My aim then was to enjoy life in every aspect that I could, business, social, sport and relationships. The current focus being on relationships.

The short term focus during transition is always on the immediate requirement to move onto the next stage of the journey. That is the most important thing, the here and now.

As the journey progresses, I found it was also important to look at what stage the journey would end (where and how). Life post op, as a woman is 1,000,000 times better than I had as a guy, I enjoy every minute of it.

The Health side is a worry, the amount of research on the long term effects of Gender reassignment, specifically hormones is very limited. I intend to keep fit, healthy and maintain a good diet. BUT it is also interesting that no being depressed all the time has a positive outlook on life.

Buffy

[Jessica]

Life in the future, do I have a plan?  Yes
My expectation that those plans will come together are very high.

Jessica

[brina]

Hiee,

  From my perspective now I will (pessimistic view) spend 3 years paying off the loan for my Vagio then another 2 years wipping out my debt. By then I will be 60. My partner and I have talked of selling out here and buying a blue water sloop and moving to the carribean. The idea being that we may be able to make some money on occasional charters to supplement retirement funds.
  The flip side of that scenario is that I continue to work now until 65 and retire like anyone else. As to life I think it should be pretty much like any other womans life who is that age although I hope to be much perkier ie. less milage and all that type of thing lol.

Byee,
  Brina

[angelsgirl]

other womans life who is that age although I hope to be much perkier  ie. less milage and all that type of thing lol.

You know, that's the only thing I envy you transwomen!  I'm 26 and I'm going to start saving up for a breast lift when I'm 40!  I know it's shallow, but darn it, I like 'em where they are! 

[LostInTime]

Looking at the family history and genetics, I will not live long enough to see retirement.  Chances are it will be either breast cancer or a heart condition that will do me in.  That is why I have put such a big stress on wanting to have the surgery done because I want to finish out the last few years of my life as me, complete. 

Recently I have started to learn more about money and getting out of debt and what I will need should I actually live into my elder years.  So I do have my goals set and the knowledge to eventually get there, I hope.

[tinkerbell]

tinkerbell