Thought I should introduce myself

[Shelley]

It's probably been a little rude of myself to partake in the forum discussions before introducing myself but I wanted to test the water. I guess because I have been to sites where CD's were seen as a lesser class I was a little nervous about showing myself.

I am a 44 year old m to f cd who has been dressing since I was about seven or eight. I have at this time no intention of going beyond the point where I am at. I have often wondered whether I should be feeling more willing to indulge my femme side but spending the short time that I have here has convinced me that there is no right or wrong in how I should experince this side of my life. I need only be true to how I feel. This has made me quite comfortable with who I am and for that I mostly have to thank the lovely people here.

I, like many of you have experienced difficult times with others not understanding me for what I am. I do not understand why they can love my softer feminine side while I am in male clothing but when I wish to take it further it is taken a personal slight.

I was married for ten years the first time without that wife knowing about my cding. In that marriage I had two boys who are now in their twenties and I have chosen not to share this side of me with them. The most difficult time for me came when I met someone after I split with my first wife. This woman befriended my femme side and gained my trust to the point where I could go enfeeme in her company and was really happy and contented. But things started to go wrong and she would often viciously atack me verbally throwing my cding in my face. She then began to break my trust by telling people about me and describing me as depraved. This after she had encouraged me to expose that part of me. This was soul destroying and certain members of my own family sided with her and to this day I do not see them. At this time I made contact with some groups for ts's and that was a mistake as I did not realise that all who are tg are not necessarily accepting of cders. More soul destroying experiences.

So Shelley went back into the closet only popping her head out occasionally when it was safe. Soon I met another woman who I married and again had two boys. These boys are now 8 and 3. Shelley still lives in a closet and my current wife has not met her although I think she knows that there is something different about me and doesn't seem threatened by it.   

So where am I today. Comfortable within myself and sharing some of me with you. Maybe I will expand my horizons but at this time Shelley is happy to be part of me for as you all know there is no seperation even if we talk of sides.

I am a little shy and although I partake in the chat rooms please excuse me if I seem a little retacent it is only shyness.

Well thats it I think, I look forward to spending time with you all and thank you for being here.

Shelley

[4years]

Hi Hi Shelley Welcome to Susan's most wonderful Place, forum district

I don't think you have to worry about equality here, especially with Debtv around

Please feel free to join the conversations

[Cassandra]

Hi Shelly and welcome to Susan's,

Make yourself a cup of tea sit down relax, take your shoes off and set a spell. We welcome all transgendered people here and consider cders part of that classification. By the by if you would be so kind as to go to the Transgenderd youth forum there is a young person there who calls herself Danielle. Perhaps you could share some of your wisdom with her. I have been trying to help as best I can but not being a cd I have little experience in the area to go by.

Thanks, Good Journey,


Cassie

[hectic]

shelley, i'm also new here. so first off, hello and it's wonderful to meet you.  i'm the gg spouse of a MTF. i know that it's hard to open up to your wife about your feelings, but consider doing it.  my spouse and i lost a lot of time playing parts. if i had known that she was a woman, i could have offered her the type of love and support she should have had.

i know my own spouse kept her condition from me out of fear, but it hurt me to think she felt she couldn't trust me with that.  as women, we need to talk with each other, and be confided in, and be allowed to love and be loved and to be allowed to bring something needed to a relationship.  i kept a lot of my own fears and questions inside when i thought my spouse was a man, because we're always told men don't want to talk about their "feelings".

it hasn't been easy, we've had difficult talks, but i am happier in our "worst" places now then i was in our "best" places before. because we can talk through our feelings and we're not hiding from each other any more.

god knows my life isn't perfect, and i wouldn't wish my current situation on too many people, but i have faith we'll make it through. there are so many wonderful people on this forum, and it has helped me tremendously just reading everyone's posts.

[Shelley]

Thankyou everyone,

And yes I have enjoyed reading the posts of everyone and I think that your right with Debtv and Terri and so many others around equality is never going to be an issue.

Thanks for the heads up Cassie if I can return the just a little of the support that I have received here to another I will feel that i have at least in my little way returned some of the favour.

Thank you Hectic, your are right I am most probably not giving my wife the opportunity to provide me with the support that I am sure she would want to give. I should not allow the scars of one bad experience to marr this relationship. Its funny you know after being in here I suspect that there maybe a little gender disphoria on both sides which is something worth exploring.

Recently we were watching Doctor Phil and he talked of the different make up of men and women. He said that the emotional needs of men and women were different and how they deal with them is different. He discribed women as having to solve the problem to the nth degree and needed to talk it all the way through (me) and men as being able to put things in lttle boxes and deal with them when and if necessary (my Wife). We laughed ourselves silly. My wife often tells me that my feminine side more than halves the household duties and that my cooking is by far the better. My choice in clothes for her shes says is perfect (we are the same size by coincidence So even referring to that side of me shows an understanding of sorts I think your right it maybe time to push the boundaries a little one step at a time.

So once again thankyou everyone and I do look forward to continuing as an active member of this lovely family.

Love Shelley

[Shelley]

Oh by the way I forgot to ask. In my profile is a reputation figure that is listed as number 4. Can anyone tell me waht that means. I have noticed that it is increasing in number slowly.

Shelley

[Kendall]

think it has relationship to applaud smite options bellow your name's icon picture (real pic if uploaded one after 5 posts).

Hi shelley

Yes there are many types of TGs even here at Susans. We all can relate in some pretty fundamental ways. We are all bound with the birth sex vs cross gender activities (occassional to actually becoming). Exploring the femininity or masculinity is a common experience. Its virtuous to listen to someone observing, exploring, expressing, learning, or living their gender or opposing gender.

Being a Cross dresser is a person that doesnt intend or want to go through hormones or surgeries, hetero. The wiki has the details of the different types of TGs.I use the definition of crossdresser as

a self-description of a group of usually male bodied, male identified heterosexual cross-dressers, who are not transvestic fetishists or doing drag, and who usually regard themselves as being part of the transgender spectrum

. Thats my take on it at least.

I understand the pain of having a seeming good friend that accepts you, then betraying you. Using that sensitive part of you as a weapon for some reason. That must be painful. Must be really hard to tell your current wife also. Hesitation is an understatement.

[Shelley]

Thanks Kendra,

Understanding from another is something we are all greatful for and something that always brings a tear of joy to my eye.

Shelley

[Cassandra]

think it has relationship to applaud smite options bellow your name's icon picture

I don't think it has anything to do with the applaud smite option Kendra. I don't have one of those under my picture and my reputation keeps going up. Heck I just became a moderator and I still don't know how that works. I think it has more to do with your level of participation in the forums and the content of your posts. As in is you is or is you ain't full of s.....

Cassie

[Shelley]

Well I know I'm not full of s... as you so eloquently put it Cassie as I am sure there is room for more  .

[4years]

Reputation: 0
[applaud] [smite]
() Offline

Posts: 0

You see that on everyone's posts but your own as you cannot applaud/smite yourself. This is called Karma on other boards for what that is worth. The idea is if you like a post/think it is appropriate, then you can 'applaud' (reputation + 1) it, if you think it is in appropriate you can 'smite' (reputation - 1) it. Once per post only please
All in all is basically just a play thing, though there is a bit of use to it.

[hectic]

wickham is very right on the hesitation issue. i can understand that even from someone commenting from the "other side" of things.  but i would also expect the Shelley side is having a very hard time keeping something so important to you inside and not sharing that.

i would recommend doing something not so much sneaky as "informative". prior to my spouse's coming out, i really was completely ignorant of the definitions and meanings of the various terms in the gender spectrum. i knew just enough to be dangerous.  i think TLC and the Discovery chanel saved my marriage during the disclosure phase.  it seemed there were a lot of programs dealing with the transgendered issue and i was drawn to them all. so i watched a lot of programs and then talked with my spouse about how interesting they were and how much i was learning.  that made it a lot easier to "hear the news".  so i think you can help your spouse prepare by watching some shows or videos with her and talking with her about them before you let her know that's what you're dealing with. just be prepared for some comments which are not right on target.  i consider myself to be very open, but i had some prejudices i didn't know i had. my spouse got to challenge me on those before it became a "personal" issue.

but i do also think that the more understanding a spouse is, the more they will question why you held something so important in for so long.  a spouse who wants to leave will regret you said anything at all. someone who wants to work it through will wonder why you waited so long.

[Cassandra]

Watching programs about gender issues is a good idea. My wife and I watched the two programs on discovery health together Sunday night. We recorded them with our DVR and were able to pause and discuss aspects which hit home. She said she understood the wife who felt that her husband had died and this woman took his place. I encouraged her to talk to me about this aspect. How she felt about it. We had a very good discussion about it and were able to cover some issues I felt she may have been holding back on. In the end her support continues unwaveringly and she encouraged me to continue my journey, and that she loves the new me.

Sometimes I just can't believe how wonderful she has been and continues to be about the whole thing. That's why I was thinking she might be holding back. The program brought up some issues that were on her mind  that she just didn't want to or couldn't bring up on her own. It really helped to clarify things.


Cassie

[hectic]

my spouse teases me because i'm STILL watching every TG show that comes on.  my comment? i'm still learning!!!   

so now i'm known as the TV guide of TG programming.  at least it helped me kick my true crime habit.

[Shelley]

Quote "but i would also expect the Shelley side is having a very hard time keeping something so important to you inside and not sharing that."

I don't find it that hard actually. I think that it has become so personal that I am experiencing Shelley all the timeno matter what I am wearing. Shelley is there all the time and happy to be part of my life.

Having said that I think I'm getting closer to sharing my experience with my wife. We are talking more and more about clothes and I think she is realising that my interest is more than just an interest in fashion. I also think that she may be receptive to my feelings but still I'm not sure whether I am ready to share beyond awareness. As I've said to others time is on our side so I think patience will see me consider it all a bit more.

Shelley