the holy grail

[lilacwoman]

Maybe it's because the only ones you notice ARE the ones who have difficulty passing and therefore are the most noticeable.

Actually I have to agree with Naturally Blonde as there is one in my town who is totally male but went to THailand for a vagina and now four years down the line is still threatening all an dsundry medics with lawsuits on behalf of the other also non-passers clustered round 'her'.

[june bug]

It just kinda happens I think. The normalcy of daily life starts to crowd out the memories and feelings of "being a TS," IF you let it, if you live an ordinary life and avoid the "community."

I've noticed this during my lulls in transition related activities.  I mean, I can say for certain that the only reason I'm here on these forums is this year is a hot bed of transition related things for me.

In my own life I'd never deny my trans-roots, and I do what I can within my own circle to provide positivity however I am capable, but I'm pretty sure once my physical transition is done, my activeness in the community (not just here) is most likely going to atrophy... mainly because my interests simply don't lie in being and educator, activist, organizer, or support system for other folk interested in trans-related things.

Ha ha.  Actually, one of the big reasons I've decided to document various aspects of my transition is because my job / art deals with a wide variety of people who are curious as to what I'm going through / have gone through and are open minded enough to learn as opposed to judge.  You get enough people asking the same questions though, and it becomes necessary to just point them to a single website where your story is at.

I mean, I personally get satisfaction over the fact that what I have gone through helps people understand and have compassion / tolerance for trans-folk, but yeah... once it's all done, I won't be making as much of an effort to really engage them, because there's other things I want to do with my life, and transition is just a very unfortunate but necessary step for me to be comfortable living in this world.

[lauren3332]

I've noticed this during my lulls in transition related activities.  I mean, I can say for certain that the only reason I'm here on these forums is this year is a hot bed of transition related things for me.

In my own life I'd never deny my trans-roots, and I do what I can within my own circle to provide positivity however I am capable, but I'm pretty sure once my physical transition is done, my activeness in the community (not just here) is most likely going to atrophy... mainly because my interests simply don't lie in being and educator, activist, organizer, or support system for other folk interested in trans-related things.

Ha ha.  Actually, one of the big reasons I've decided to document various aspects of my transition is because my job / art deals with a wide variety of people who are curious as to what I'm going through / have gone through and are open minded enough to learn as opposed to judge.  You get enough people asking the same questions though, and it becomes necessary to just point them to a single website where your story is at.

I mean, I personally get satisfaction over the fact that what I have gone through helps people understand and have compassion / tolerance for trans-folk, but yeah... once it's all done, I won't be making as much of an effort to really engage them, because there's other things I want to do with my life, and transition is just a very unfortunate but necessary step for me to be comfortable living in this world.

This is what I am saying.  I What you have said is what I was getting at.  Do what you can where you are at while not blasting yourself everywhere.  You stirve for what you can and don't expect things that are impossible.  Thanks for the comments.  One thing this thread had shown me is something I have been confused about for a long time.  I first wanted to be a teacher and then I got discouraged because of school and now I want to teach again thanks to the responses in this topic.         

[Butterfly]

My holy grail may not be my neighbour's holy grail & vice versa ~wink~  I reckon everybody's interests are different & whilst I regard my holy grail to be complete in body & mind, somebody else may think a tad different from me. 

The key to all this as Janet Lynn so cleverly put it is to be happy.  As long as you're happy, nothing else matters.

[Blanche]

I suppose my holy grail is what my life is now.  I'm fully transitioned; I've had all the surgeries I needed to be whole, e.g. FFS, GRS.  I'm residing in 2 different countries where people only know me as Blanche & not as "that bloke that changed his sex"  If that isn't my holy grail, I really don't know what it could be. 

As for owing the community.  That's a little bit of a stretch, sorry to laugh Nothing personal peeps, but I only owe a few hundred euros to some credit card companies..that's about it.

[chrysalis]

I think that even with all of the surgeries currently available and all of the hormones as well it doesn't change the fact that a person who has transitioned is different in a few ways. Most of them are rather negligible, things like genetic differences, or perhaps what kind of internal organs you have, but nothing earth shattering. What is different though is your life experience.

Even if you transition perfectly and melt away into society undetected, you have a different set of experiences which change your view of the world. In that way yes you are different, but again it is not earth shattering.

Now personally I think you have to learn that you can't control what other people think of you, or how they react. You can only control yourself, and it's pointless to spend so much time fretting over b.s. that again, isn't earth shattering. Of course it matters how they treat you, but you cannot force someone to think of you as a genetic guy/girl and that is the sad fact of your situation.

[Naturally Blonde]

But passable or not, are they happy?  And isn't that the only real meaning to this whole thing.



Janet

Yes and no! I would be a very happy bunny indeed being 100% passable. If I wasn't passable at all I would be very unhappy. We all have different agenda's and goals regarding what we are looking for in a gender transition.
Post Merge: January 12, 2010, 06:05:26 AM

I suppose my holy grail is what my life is now.  I'm fully transitioned; I've had all the surgeries I needed to be whole, e.g. FFS, GRS.  I'm residing in 2 different countries where people only know me as Blanche & not as "that bloke that changed his sex"  If that isn't my holy grail, I really don't know what it could be. 

As for owing the community.  That's a little bit of a stretch, sorry to laugh Nothing personal peeps, but I only owe a few hundred euros to some credit card companies..that's about it.

I agree with you Blanche. You seem to be in full control and very level headed regarding your transition. You are right you only owe your credit companies, and unless you had a lot of advice from the gender community in the beginning you don't really owe them anything!
Post Merge: January 12, 2010, 08:09:18 AM

I think that even with all of the surgeries currently available and all of the hormones as well it doesn't change the fact that a person who has transitioned is different in a few ways. Most of them are rather negligible, things like genetic differences, or perhaps what kind of internal organs you have, but nothing earth shattering. What is different though is your life experience.

Even if you transition perfectly and melt away into society undetected, you have a different set of experiences which change your view of the world. In that way yes you are different, but again it is not earth shattering.

Now personally I think you have to learn that you can't control what other people think of you, or how they react. You can only control yourself, and it's pointless to spend so much time fretting over b.s. that again, isn't earth shattering. Of course it matters how they treat you, but you cannot force someone to think of you as a genetic guy/girl and that is the sad fact of your situation.

Isn't it worth trying? otherwise why bother in the first place?

[Carlita]

Great post Carlita!

Thank you so much *blushes* ... I'm a recent refugee from a site filled with angry flame bitches and I got badly burned by people choosing to respond viciously to perfectly innocent, non-provocative posts ... so it's nice to have an encouraging word! 

[Valentina]

I sorta relate to what the girl on the video says.  It's got to be demeaning to be accepted as a 'special' girl just because there's some law or because people feel pity for you.  Acceptance as something special was never my goal.  I brought my body into congruence with my gender identity & I'm now the woman I always was.  The difference is that people see that woman now when before they didn't.  There's no special treatment as some weird species.  No acceptance of any kind because they feel pity for me.  I'm treated like any other woman because that's what I am & that's what they see.  I dunno if I'm making any sense but that's my holy grail & I've achieved it.

[chrysalis]

Isn't it worth trying?

My point is that you can't force it. You can try but it not worth driving yourself crazy over. At some point you have to forget about it as best you can and get back to living your life to the fullest.

[lilacwoman]

to put transitioning and vanishing off into stealth into perspective: we need to bear in mind that for maybe 30 years or more a clique of fools surrounding Ray Blanchard has been parroting the stupidity that there is no such thing as a transsexual...but during those 30 years tens of thousands of men and women have changed their bodies into something like the opposite sex and gone off and have lived happily for same 30 years.   If all those men and women lined up for a group pix they'd look like  a huge group of happy friends...while a group pix of Blanchard and his followers woudl show a bunch of sly unsmiling misfits who know perfectly well they are seen as bitter fools who are openly derided by everyone else.

[Natasha]

But passable or not, are they happy?  And isn't that the only real meaning to this whole thing.
Janet

are they happy?  i dunno.  we'll have to ask them.  off topic.

this was the comment:

In the category of non-passable trans activists,  no names come to mind at the moment, which I find interesting

this was my answer:

i'll give you a few names:  mara kiesling, autumn sandeen, monica helms, antonia d'orsay, lena dahlstrom & many others that post at pam's house blend & bilerico.

is stu rassmusen an activist? the transgender mayor? anyway stu doesn't pass either.

[Kay Henderson]

I was told in no uncertain terms by a woman friend that I couldn't have it both ways. 

She was willing to accept me into her world at face value, with female gender presentation, but I couldn't then dwell on my transgendered status.

We spent about four hours having lunch, shopping, etc., and she correctly pointed out later that I was obsessed almost the whole time with whether or not I was "passing".