I thank everyone for their input and comments. Since coming out and accepting my trans identity, my mind has been trying to process through so many things. It really gives me peace of mind to hear everyone's input, whether I agree with it or not. I realize this is a tormenting issue for everyone, and it pains me to hear about everyone's day to day struggle with the outside acceptance of their identity.
That being said, my mind is searching for a way to circumvent this human rat wheel that is so deeply imbedded in all of our brains. I want to question myself, as well as all of you, to think about WHY we strive so ardently to pass. Do we really want to embody what it is to be male? Is it so crazy to want to be a third sect? I'll never be a female, yet I'll never be a male. Nor do I want to be either. I am trans, and don't fit perfectly into either box.
I understand many trans guys wholly identify as male, and I pass no judgement, only curiosity as to where that stems. Is it all the years of torment and pain that causes the brain to search for peace of mind? Is it easier to claim one particular gender than create a new one altogether?
When I think of this from a psychological perspective I think about all humans who feel "less than" compared to societal norms. Whether it be the small framed woman with small breasts who can't identify with her womanhood, or the interracial male who struggles to identify as being white or mexican, or the black female who identifies as white and goes to great lengths to straighten and bleach her hair to be seen as such. Many of these struggles are similar to us trans guys. I think in all cases we seek to please our oppressors: the white straight norm.
I too have been victimized and labeled. Not quite white, not quite mexican, not quite male, not quite female. I think in order to make sense of all of this, I have to go within myself and have the strength to tell the world what I am. Not let randoms define who I am. I think the trans community should put there energy where they can really help themselves and benefit their mind body and soul as well as those of their peers. Not spend days, months and years agonizing over passing for the clerk at the liquor store, or the hundreds of passers by.
When I bind I depress the body parts that don't belong. Not for anyone else to see, but for me to feel. When I leave the house feeling more like me, it brings me a sense of peace, regardless of who misidentifies me. More importantly, I EXPECT to be misidentified to those who don't understand, and when given the opportunity, I will clarify exactly who and what I am. I don't want approval from those I don't know... my partner knows who I am, my family knows who I am, my community knows who I am, and that is the community I will answer to, NOT the unknown billions of others in the world.
My true struggle is to be happy with who and what I am, not to be constricted by gender norms. I completely understand that we all struggle to be accepted, it's human nature. But just because it's human nature doesn't mean it's healthy, or feels good. And I personally strive to not be a part of that. I guess what I'm really trying to say, is that I challenge us trans-people to come together as a separate community, where we're ALL accepted. Where we can say f@#$ the man, and his two gender boxes. I want us to come to a place where our voices are strong enough to speak up on the behalf ourselves, and our peers-- "Actually, I'm trans." or "I prefer the 'he' pronoun."
I truly feel as a community we can find peace, but not by appeasing the masses. Rather, it starts by finding peace within ourselves.
