"compared to others, you have it easy"

[cassie09]

I absolutley hate when people say "compared to others, you have it easy". This suggests that each individual has the same tolerance level for pain, ridicule, etc.

I am often told that I have it easy. I am young (23), short (5'5), look feminine and my voice is feminine. I do not have it easy though. Due to my financial situation as a student I am stuck living at home in a poisonous environment where I am ridiculed at the dinner table nightly and called every word in the book.

Others are able to cope with it, they take insult after insult and are able to roll with the punches. Each insult i get gives me this awful feeling in my stomach. There is not a night where tears do not stream down my face.

I may pass way better than the 6'6 MTF with the terminator voice but that does not by any mean dictate that I have it easier. For all i know, that MTF could be in her own la-la land where she doesn't care if her family loves her, or if she will ever have a 'normal' life. I envy people like that and wish I had the emotional fortitude.

I am trying to learn to be strong each and everyday. It doesn't happen overnight though.

[Janet_Girl]

Each one of us could probable say "We had it rough", but to each their own.  Once we get to the other end of the rainbow, then and only then can we look back and determine how 'easy' our transition was or wasn't

There are times when I think that this is a breeze, and then the world has a way of slapping me in the face and I see how hard this really is.

You have advantages and disadvantages, but each day you face them and still go forward is another day behind you.



Janet

[Muffin]

I completely agree with this idea. A fear is a fear, anxiety is anxiety the amount is not subjective to your outward appearance or assumed life.
It annoys me to hear "how can you be upset about your ____ it's fine, compared to ____". OH in that case I'll suck it up then shall I, even if it's not actually said just implied.
So next time you are get hungry and start to complain about it I'll just remind you about the starving kids in africa?
It's that 'you are not allowed to cry or be upset it's unjust' attitude that annoys me.
The cut may not be as big or deep but it still needs a bandaid and a little timeout. I don't know it's one of those topics that are hard to talk about with people it usually goes unmentioned. 

[Renate]

I had it easy.

[Laura91]

I wouldn't say that I've had it easy but things haven't been as bad as what some other people have went through.

[Arch]

"You think you're hungry? Not as hungry as starving children in Africa!!!"

Tell my stomach that.

Everyone has a different experience, and comparison becomes useless after a certain point. Some people mean well and are trying to cheer you up. Some people don't mean well. I've found it helpful to differentiate between the friendlies and the unfriendlies. I try to appreciate the former for meaning well (even if what they say is hurtful), and (as much as possible) I ignore the latter.

And please don't fall into this pattern: "I know I have it easier than some other people, so why do I feel so bad? There must be something even more wrong with me." No. Nip it in the bud. You feel what you feel.

You may acquire a thicker skin over time, at least with regard to the real jerks. But beware of the trade-offs. To get to that point, you often have to give something up.

[spacial]

That old chestnut.

Yeah, well, it's a fact of life that, no matter how bad things get there will always be someone worse off.

But not really the point though.

I'm more concerned with the bullying you're experienceing.

Try to look at it this way. Your feelings are like a bag of jello. People are punching it because they can and it isn't hurting them.

I know you're probably been told before to stand up for yourself, it doesn't really make a lot of sense unless sometells you how.

You have to make that bag of jello a little less comfortable to hit.

You know, more or less, what is going to be said. be prepared for it and develop a response.


I don't know your family so I can't advise you on  how exactly. I recall, with mine, if I had been cocky, smart or a bit cheaky they would have used it as an excuse to beat the c**p out of me.

If yours is like that, then you need a more subtle approach. Something that gives a basic response.

You look like a girl.

Why thank you.

No-one likes you.

That's the plan.

What will eventually happen is that someone will step over the mark and say something that offends someone else. That takes the heat away from you.

But your number one priority in life must be to get away from there.

[Janet_Girl]

Exactly what I said Matilda.  It isn't till we are at the other end of the rainbow that we can determine how easy or hard it was.  But then we are truly able to be free.  Yes we might face some more troubles, but they are 'cake' by then.

[Arch]

Nice soapbox, Matilda. More people should buy that brand of soap...

[Alyssa M.]

I'm white, American, able-bodied, and rather young. I come from a middle- to upper-middle-class background. Both my parents have PhD's and work in well-respected professions. My parents never divorced. I have had access to the best culture and education available. I have never lacked for anything essential, even if I've gone through a few rough patches financially, including recently -- I have a huge support system to fall back on.

Oh, yeah, I'm trans.

And even regarding that, I have wonderful support from my friends and family, access to medical care and therapy, and I live in one of the better communities for trans acceptance in America. My features are such that passing isn't exactly easy, but probably better than average; on my very best days I think people see me as beautiful.

Still, it has been really tough being trans. But the one thing it taught me beyond anything else is that you never know how tough someone else has it. For decades, I hid my struggle with my gender from everyone I could. It scared me to death, and screwed up a lot of things in my life. But nearly nobody knew about it. So how can I think to judge what enyone else is going through, when I know from my own life how much a person can hide?

I was born 31 years ago, in a year in which somewhere close to 100 million other people were born. Considering the fate of most of those 100 million, I think I lucked out. As Ani DiFranco put it, "On the social totem pole, I'm preciously close to the top." And if you're posting here, the chances are fairly good that you are too. But that doesn't mean you've had it easy.

[Firelight]

Others are able to cope with it, they take insult after insult and are able to roll with the punches.

What makes you think it's not hard on them? Someone can be stoic on the outside, but be torn apart by something on the inside.

[Valentina]

I had it easy.

Me too now eat your heart out!