Mom says no to T - but not to me. Wth?

[Ryuu]

So my mom says no to T till I'm 18. Funny thing is, I thought she was still deciding. But apparently that was a lie. She let me read an email from her mom, in response to her telling what was going on with me, but she didn't intend for me to read her email, which is where she said it.
I'm so annoyed that she wouldn't straight out tell me. And I'm annoyed that it has to be so long. I suppose 2 years isn't all that long, but to me it seems like forever. That's 2 years of not passing, 2 years of not feeling like "me", 2 years of red death, 2 years of people looking at me funny when a friend calls me "he". Gah.
I should have known, I guess. She's a midwife in training, and she's worried about my fertility. As if I'm going to want to have a baby like that. Even the thought is disgusting. She's also worried about me not finding a partner that'll be okay with a guy who doesn't have the right parts. As if being myself is secondary to having a boy/girlfriend.
I'm just really demotivated and depressed right now. I was thinking about taking herbal T supplements behind her back, since from what I've heard the effects are very slow and I could pass off things like voice deepening to training myself to speak lower. Idk.

[Silver]

So my mom says no to T till I'm 18. Funny thing is, I thought she was still deciding. But apparently that was a lie. She let me read an email from her mom, in response to her telling what was going on with me, but she didn't intend for me to read her email, which is where she said it.
I'm so annoyed that she wouldn't straight out tell me. And I'm annoyed that it has to be so long. I suppose 2 years isn't all that long, but to me it seems like forever. That's 2 years of not passing, 2 years of not feeling like "me", 2 years of red death, 2 years of people looking at me funny when a friend calls me "he". Gah.
I should have known, I guess. She's a midwife in training, and she's worried about my fertility. As if I'm going to want to have a baby like that. Even the thought is disgusting. She's also worried about me not finding a partner that'll be okay with a guy who doesn't have the right parts. As if being myself is secondary to having a boy/girlfriend.
I'm just really demotivated and depressed right now. I was thinking about taking herbal T supplements behind her back, since from what I've heard the effects are very slow and I could pass off things like voice deepening to training myself to speak lower. Idk.

Sucks, doesn't it? Well at that age female puberty's pretty much done so you won't change much until 18. A year ago I realized this and yeah, it's depressing but one down two more to go. Just take it one day at a time. Try to focus on more important things. There's nothing you can do, except, maybe argue with her.

Wait, wait. So she wants you to be fertile 16-18? What about teen pregnancy? She knows you'll be infertile after 18. What's up with that?

[Ryuu]

Wait, wait. So she wants you to be fertile 16-18? What about teen pregnancy? She knows you'll be infertile after 18. What's up with that?

I assume she's hoping I'll change my mind. Because apparently even though she seems to accept me as male, she can't get over her dreams of me having a baby. Ugh.

[Silver]

I assume she's hoping I'll change my mind. Because apparently even though she seems to accept me as male, she can't get over her dreams of me having a baby. Ugh.

Ay, she sounds like a royal pain in the a**. I don't think there's any way to convince her. She obviously doesn't accept you as male. You have any siblings? Being an only child would make it worse.

[Ryuu]

Thankfully, yes. One younger brother.

[spacial]

There's not a lot you can do really about your mom.

But in the mean time, can to do some training to build muscle mass?

I'm really thinking in preparation.

Karate is a good all round work out. It teaches the body enormous discipline and really builds some good bulk.

[Ryuu]

I started boxing last week. It's a great workout. Little difficult with binding, but I think it'll get better when I'm more used to it.

[spacial]

Boxing is an excellent system, like the other martial arts, building discipline and muscle mass. I've watched boxing a few times, people training, not professional fights, and can see the preparation that goes into it.

I know you won't regret doing that. It's a lot of work as you know, but provided you have a good trainer, you should feel positive benefits.

I don't know your mom, obviously, but one thought does cross my mind. Perhaps shs feels that, with such a huge change in your life direction, this is something you need to do on your own and not as a result of her permission.

[Nicky]

Is your dad in the picture? You only need one parent to approve.

Are you going to tell her how disappointed you are that she could not tell you to your face. It sounds like she has been dishonest. You could repeat what you said about "That's 2 years of not passing, 2 years of not feeling like "me", 2 years of red death, 2 years of people looking at me funny when a friend calls me "he".
Don't make a big scene about it or get real steamed, just state is matter of fact and shake your head. I think this will have a much bigger impact than letting her have it.

Man it sucks to be young. Dependence blows.

[Ryuu]

My dad is in the picture. I'm not sure how he feels about it. I guess I'll talk to him.

[noxdraconis]

Definately talk to your father about it.  Was he not the one who emailed the school to get your  name changed on the records?  Seems like he is more accepting of this than your mother.

[deviousxen]

Screw her nonsense. I'd be too finickey to not want to rebel every single second to that...

That would be like my mom insisting that I might one day want to impregnate someone else. Are you joking me? I'd be mortified... If I were ever the "father" in any sense I'd be horrified...

[Jamie-o]

And if you can't get either of your parents on board, maybe you can get them to consider anti-estrogens as an in-the-mean-time measure.  They don't make permanent changes like T, but they may help prevent any further changes in the wrong direction. (I'm not sure, but I think they may stop the red death, as well.) 

Do you have a therapist? If so you might enlist his/her help.  If not, maybe your parents will at least agree to letting you take that first step.  And they might feel better about letting you take the next step a few more months down the road.

I'll also second Nicky's comments.  They are more likely to take this seriously if you can be persistent and firm but calm.  (I know, easier said than done.)

[Ender]

I'll also second Nicky's comments.  They are more likely to take this seriously if you can be persistent and firm but calm.  (I know, easier said than done.)

Thirded.  Don't fly off the handle, but don't give up completely.  It sound as if your mom's not willing to deal with the reality of this.  When I told my parents at 21, they told me that I was too young to know what I wanted.  They expected me to change my mind and not go through with 'this silliness.'  Happily, they had zero say over my medical decisions and I was also financially free of them.  A good thing to do between now and 18 would be to save money.  Even when you hit 18, if you don't have the cash for therapist and doctor appointments (and the T itself, though it's comparatively inexpensive), you won't be able to get T unless your parents spot you the cash.  Which they probably won't.

So, even when age 18 finally rolls around, I sincerely doubt your parents are going to be in favor of you transitioning unless they do some serious adjusting between now and then.  The only difference is that they will no longer have any say, and they will be forced to either accept it or reject you as they watch you transform (physically) into a man.  And even then they may still be hoping that you'll change your mind.  The day before I left to have top surgery, my dad tried to talk me out of it and my mom was kinda depressed (even though she volunteered to come with me).  A year on T, and they were still hoping I would change my mind and not 'seal the deal' with surgery.

Sounds like you have some good methods for coping in the meantime.  Working out is great.  And have a talk with your dad; never know.  If I was in your position, I would calmly bring transitioning up to your parents on a fairly regular basis.  I wouldn't just drop it and let them 'relax,' thinking that you had 'outgrown that phase.'  Be gentle but firm, and keep their minds on it.

As a side rant: I've always hated people talking about 'my fertility' as if it's some sacred thing.  Presumptuous on their part.