I know it's a necro thread, but this is a good topic.
To answer the question, I am 24 now and only just started my transition. But I will cover some of my more sexual feelings, I can't really give a short answer to this, I'm full of mixed feelings.
I have been in a relationship with a girl for a few years about 2 years ago, but I always knew I was at least bi sexual, I enjoyed anal sex and being submissive. I would occasionally fantasize about men and always imagine my self as a girl. She eventually caught me crossdressing and I tried to convince her to be "the man" and treat me like a girl, well that was a quick way to end a relationship. But it was for the best, I finally accepted to myself the truth I always knew.
I would often crossdress in private, but it was never autoerotic in itself, actually most of the time I didn't want to have an erection, I always wished that it would just go away and I could tuck my genitalia to "pass" better even when involved in private autoerotic activities. I wanted to just have an orgasm like a normal girl.
Now that I'm transitioning, I find I get erections much less often, especially when involved in autoerotic activities when en femme. I avoid even orgasm involving my penis these days, because I'm satisfied just from the anal penetration and the fantasy alone, just knowing that I've accepted I'm a woman has made all the difference. However, I still give in sometimes and I always regret having to orgasm like a male, I wish I just didn't have that urge but I guess since it's autoerotic it's probably a desire for some kind of closure. Which would normally be received emotionally when with a man.
As for actually having the "equipment", I'm not interested in fooling any men by going stealth, I would want anyone to accept me as a trans woman and to know I'm trans. I feel this way I will find someone who truely accepts me for who I am. So in the sense of "passing", I guess I don't mind it. I haven't had any real experiences with men to actually make a judgement on how I feel about having it, or erections, or orgasms, while with a man.
I'm also quite scared of SRS, since I'm not a very depressive person, sure, I've had my bouts of depression throughout the years and very serious but I've always found the will the carry on and "deal with it" (which was just denial, I think this is the crux of your question, some people go on for years in this denial mode and just survive) so I couldn't see myself being so dysphoric about my penis for it to persaude me to get something as serious as SRS, at least not right now. I guess it will depend on my future sexual experiences and how it will affect them, if I find a man who loves me for who I am and is fine with it, why shouldn't I be fine with it?
I guess what I'm saying is, I am a woman, I feel like a woman, I talk like a woman and I will look like a woman, and everyone (including my bf) will treat me like a woman, so what does it matter if I have a useless spout between my legs? As long as I can be satisfied sexually and satisfy someone sexually. Basically, having the wrong genitalia isn't the most important part of my "passing" as a woman and being happy.
(I know this opens a whole bag of worms about "what kind" of man would want to be with someone like that, why wouldn't they want me to go through SRS? etc. but I figure, if I'm happy and he is happy, who really cares? No reason to create a problem out of nothing.)
Wow, that was very personal and long, but feels good to get it out tho!