erections and plumbing: enjoy it, tolerate it, or hate it?

[cynthialee]

I appreciate the honesty of some of the posters here.  My kudos to you.

What I will never understand is why some old MTF transitioners get marry 4, 5, 6 times as men, have 4, 5, 6 kids & then they wake up one foggy Thursday & say that they've "always hated their plumbing so much" .  If you hated your plumbing so much, why did you get marry 4, 5, 6 times?  If you hated it so much why did you have 4, 5, 6 kids?.  To me that tells me that you didn't "hate" it but liked it.  If you liked it, be honest with yourself & say so instead of engaging yourself in semantics to deceive people.  I can't stand that.  It pisses me off.

Actually alot of us late in lifers have spent alot of time forcing ourselves to adjust to the equipment we have. By having 'male' sex the late in lifer is is trying desperatly to screw himself into manhood. I know I was. After awhile the orgasim becomes adicting and you will suck it up and deal with whatever is downstairs just to get off. Which for many the only release from the angst is the 30 seconds of orgasim. Ussually followed by hours of self loating and depression.
Just because something might not make sense doesnt make it unreal.

[Sandy]

I appreciate the honesty of some of the posters here.  My kudos to you.

What I will never understand is why some old MTF transitioners get marry 4, 5, 6 times as men, have 4, 5, 6 kids & then they wake up one foggy Thursday & say that they've "always hated their plumbing so much" .  If you hated your plumbing so much, why did you get marry 4, 5, 6 times?  If you hated it so much why did you have 4, 5, 6 kids?.  To me that tells me that you didn't "hate" it but liked it.  If you liked it, be honest with yourself & say so instead of engaging yourself in semantics to deceive people.  I can't stand that.  It pisses me off.

Walk a mile in my heels, Pia.

The issue of getting married vs the male genitalia are two different subjects.

A similar, though wrong, conclusion could be made by those MTF's who engage in very macho activities or join the army.  It is a way to convince themselves that they do not have the feelings that they do.

Also, hon, while I was married multiple times, it was not 4,5, or six times.  And too, the ability for me to transition back in the 60's would have not been possible for me.

My genitalia, when it was outside my body, gave me pleasure I can't deny that, it's the way that I was wired.  But it doesn't mean that I didn't think that it was ugly and incorrect.

I'm sorry that the complex issues that surround the nature of the late-bloomer transsexual distress you, but I do wish that you would have a bit more compassion.

-Sandy

[Renate]

I can't stand that.  It pisses me off.

Woah, there, Pia.

People marry women because they like women.
People have kids because they like kids.

They don't necessarily "wake up one morning" to some foreign feeling.
They have simply tried to find a simple solution to a complex problem and failed.

[K8]

My male bits have given me pleasure and they have distressed me, sometimes simultaneously.

I married twice.  The first woman wanted a more masculine husband.  The second died.

The first known "sex-change" operation happened when I was 9.  The first in the US happened when I was 28.  I could finally find enough information to think seriously about it when I was 40 (no internet) but realized I wasn't emotionally capable of overcoming the difficulties at that time.

Things are far different now.  I have transitioned with very few bumps.  That wouldn't have been the case 25 or 45 years ago.

I think I know what you are saying, Pia.  I believe we shouldn't lie to ourselves.  Yes, I enjoyed my plumbing at times.  That doesn't mean I won't be absolutely delighted to be rid of it.

- Kate

[Dorothy]

I think I know what you are saying, Pia.  I believe we shouldn't lie to ourselves.  Yes, I enjoyed my plumbing at times.  That doesn't mean I won't be absolutely delighted to be rid of it.

- Kate

Yea I see a lot bullsh&t by some people here.  Who the hell are they trying to lie to?  Certainly not me.  Do you hate something?  you don't use it.  But you don't wake up one foggy Thursday saying that you "hated" your penis when the evidence is there that you didn't.

[V M]

Really?

Geepers, I woke up on a foggy Thursday and thought..... "Gee I really don't like having a penis" 

[Kendall]

Yea I see a lot bullsh&t by some people here.  Who the hell are they trying to lie to?  Certainly not me.  Do you hate something?  you don't use it.  But you don't wake up one foggy Thursday saying that you "hated" your penis when the evidence is there that you didn't.

Hey Pia

I do not hate my penis, I hate what it represents. But you may want to reconsider the judgement part of you comment and just admit you do not understand. It is not as simple as you present it. People are different. Some people can have two or more contradictory feelings (or beliefs) about the same thing. Love and hate and confusion. As someone pointed out, orgasms feel good, sometimes even if one does not like the equipment. Other people feel differently. What is true for you may not be true for someone else, and that does not mean either of you are wrong or "bs-ing". So say you do not understand instead of attacking.

We get enough heat from the outside world and our own internal self-hate. We need to give each other support.

[Hannah]

Honestly I don't understand it either Pia, but why the anger? What did old transexuals ever do to you? When I encounter someone who doesn't blend, or worse yet doesn't even try, it bothers me on a primal level but that's because of a fear in the back of my brain about becoming like them. Anger is hard on the nevrvous system, and there are so many better things to have ones panties in a knot over.

[Dana_W]

Yea I see a lot bullsh&t by some people here.  Who the hell are they trying to lie to?  Certainly not me.  Do you hate something?  you don't use it.  But you don't wake up one foggy Thursday saying that you "hated" your penis when the evidence is there that you didn't.

Wow... really? You really think that? There's a simple behavioral test for this stuff independent of individual circumstance?

I totally thought TS people would not grasp for that kind of hard line. But... I guess you need it. And we have more work ahead of us than I thought.

Kind of sad. But also good to know.

[Kay Henderson]

The argument that we must have "enjoyed it" before is analogous to saying that other activities we may have pursued in order to sublimate our innate femininity must now define us for all eternity.

I'm the parent of two children.  I cannot say that I ever liked coital sex.  But it's what one does when trying to be a husband. 

A friend once expressed it very well:  "It's something I did.  It's not who I am."

[Sandy]

A friend once expressed it very well:  "It's something I did.  It's not who I am."

Well put!

-Sandy

[deviousxen]

Actually alot of us late in lifers have spent alot of time forcing ourselves to adjust to the equipment we have. By having 'male' sex the late in lifer is is trying desperatly to screw himself into manhood. I know I was. After awhile the orgasim becomes adicting and you will suck it up and deal with whatever is downstairs just to get off. Which for many the only release from the angst is the 30 seconds of orgasim. Ussually followed by hours of self loating and depression.
Just because something might not make sense doesnt make it unreal.

Yeah... Male orgasms were like heroin to me. I freaking hated it, but forced myself to anyway, and eventually NEEDED it to get through... It was very entangled with other feelings but it was still the male equipment... Yeah I got that too. I'd feel freaking horrible afterwards.

[JennaLee]

I kinda agree with Christy.  I've been exploring ways of having an orgasm without using 'it'.  It's not bad! 

I'm also married with wife and two kids.  I can't argue everything I've done forms a logical consistent picture.  Although I've always wanted to be female, I didn't think it possible.  Being a husband to a loving woman and raising kids is also 'not bad'!

Truth be known, in spite of my gender orientation, my sexual orientation has always been toward female.  I don't understand why anyone would want a man.  But, that's just me.  My hope is that my wife and I can continue to love and pleasure each other.

I know that some peeps develop an intense desire to correct their gender even at a young age.   They would justifiably choose a different approach than me.   

I appreciate them expressing their opinion.  It brings a little more understanding about the thing we are all struggling with.

[lilacwoman]

actually most of us drift into marriage as the alternative is to confess to being one of the most despised, despicable people on the planet...so we kind of sleep walk through the motions and watch thingsd like as an out of body experience.  The sex thrill lasts about a wek then the self loathing kicks in and out come the excuses for not doing it and shottly aftre comes the divroce.

[Nero]

Hmm, I wonder if there is a difference between straight and lesbian women in this regard. Are lesbian women more likely to use it to please a partner?

[Janet_Girl]

actually most of us drift into marriage as the alternative is to confess to being one of the most despised, despicable people on the planet...so we kind of sleep walk through the motions and watch thingsd like as an out of body experience.  The sex thrill lasts about a wek then the self loathing kicks in and out come the excuses for not doing it and shottly aftre comes the divroce.

Have you been watching my life, lilacwoman?  I did exactly that.  To please my parents, family and the world.

[Flan]

Hmm, I wonder if there is a difference between straight and lesbian women in this regard. Are lesbian women more likely to use it to please a partner?

My "permanent strap-on" (as I like to call my penis) may please a partner, but the person behind it (me) isn't so happy at it being used that way. :|

edit - fixed quote

[pretty pauline]

  I don't understand why anyone would want a man.

Well since my transition my sexual orientation is a heterosexual female, I want a man to desire me, I take the submissive role in lovemaking with my BF, I feel very fullfil as a woman when I satisfy my fiancé in that department.
I want a man, but not just any man, I want a man to take care of me, be a gentleman, treat me like a Lady, tell Im pretty, spoil me, hopefully my present
BF is Mr Right, he's excepted my history, now engaged to be his Wife.
p

[LordKAT]

actually most of us drift into marriage as the alternative is to confess to being one of the most despised, despicable people on the planet...so we kind of sleep walk through the motions and watch thingsd like as an out of body experience.  The sex thrill lasts about a wek then the self loathing kicks in and out come the excuses for not doing it and shottly aftre comes the divroce.

Ye My story in a nutshell. Did get some good kids out of it.

[MeghanAndrews]

I know many MTF transsexuals find their erections gross. They don't like having erections. Is it possible for an MTF transsexual to enjoy and want erections, and under what circumstances does this feeling happen?

And what happens with those who have HRT but not SRS? Do they actually enjoy their plumbing after they start living as women, or  they just tolerate it?

I don't get involved in the hierarchical conversations about primary this and secondary that and tertiary this and you are one of those type things, lol. I'll address your questions though.

I don't enjoy having erections but they don't disgust me either. It happens rarely and it isn't a big deal if it does because it isn't spontaneous. I don't think anyone should EVER EVER feel ashamed of their sexuality and their sex drive. I applaud pre-op or non-op MTF's who are in touch with their sexuality and not ashamed of it. I think we as a community spend so much time trying to be something to other people that we forget about ourselves. Mentioning having any kind of enjoyment through a penis is pretty much taboo to much of the community, but there are definitely people who do that.

For me being pre-op and on HRT for a little over 2 years, I feel pretty much the same way about it now as I did before. It's a little more of an annoyance now because it's pretty much the only time that being trans or being born with a male body is thrown in my face. I just avoid mirrors and stuff. I don't hate it any more than before, I don't love it any more, it...just...is. It isn't a pleasure point for me very often and it's just biding it's time for a while until surgery. That's my thoughts Meghan

But don't ever let anyone tell you that you CAN'T or shouldn't enjoy your sexuality, k?