Uhm... Hello and can anyone help...?

[Adrian D.]

Hello.. I'm new here. I just found this site on thursday and it has been helpful.
I have seen a couple of topics that HAVE helped me feel... not so alone, I guess?

Anyway, I am a FtM and have known this for a few years and I have just gotten the guts to think about telling my closest relative (my sister) that I am FtM (in the end, my best friend told her because my stomach just wouldn't allow me to do anything but stay in the WC) and, thank everything in the universe, she is absolutely fine with it.
Now...I am wondering how in the world I'll be able to tell either of my parents... I would like to tell them myself instead of having someone else tell them, but... if I even begin to think about doing so, alone, my stomach starts to do flips and I begin to panic about the reactions that my pessimistic mind comes up with...
Does anybody have any advice, at all, that might help me?
Thanks, Adrian

[Osiris]

Hi Adrian and welcome to Susan's.

If nerves are a big issue you might want to consider writing them each a letter. Or before you talk to them write down some notes so that you don't forget anything you want to get across to them.

You can find some great information and suggestions on how to break the news to family and friends as well as a couple examples of letters to parents- https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Adrian,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4000 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother.

And be sure to check out

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Osiris is very right about the letter.  It can help with the nerves, til you begin to think about their response.  But it is best that you tell them.  Notes, the book "True Selves".  And don't think that their response will be negative.  You have no idea what their might think.

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Adrian D.]

  Thanks Osiris and Janet,
The letter seems like a good idea for my father(who lives in a different state)... My mother, on the other hand, I live with(along with my sister). On top of that, my mother is getting remarried and I have absolutely no clue how my soon-to-be stepfather would react (nor do I know with his 7-year-old son but, I don't think he'd really care much).
What would be a good way for me to come out to them? I've had this idea where, when I go on vacation to visit my friends in a different state that, I tell them. That way, by the time I return, my mother would've had time to think and talk about it with my step-father.
Is that a good idea or should I think of something else...?
Thanks again, Adrian

[Cadin]

Hi Adrian,
I am also new to Susan's.  I have gotten nerve to post on the site.  The only I can tell you is, plan for the worst but hope for the best.  The worst thing that could happen is that your parents will not talk to you or, have anything to do with you.  The best would be totally accepting you as yourself.  Before you tell them, it's like a punch in the stomach. After you tell them, it's like being on a trip to the moon!  They probably already know, most parents do even if they won't admit it to themselves.  And besides, they're going to find out eventually if you decide to transition.

[Adrian D.]

...They probably already know, most parents do even if they won't admit it to themselves.

I have my suspicions that my mother knows.

[gennee]

Hi Adrian and welcome to Susans.

Gennee

[K8]

Hi Adrian.  Welcome to Susan's.

For me, I felt I had to tell everyone face-to-face if possible.  (I wrote to those out of state.)  I did a lot of exercises - kind of like meditation - to settle in my own mind how I feel about being trans, that it is all right and a normally-occuring condition, and working through what I wanted to tell people.  I worked through it over and over so that once I actually did it I could kind of go on automatic.

And each person is a little easier.

Coming out is one of the hardest parts of this whole puzzle.  But doing it will help make you strong.  Good luck! 

- Kate