Need to educate the mom... any suggestions?

[Luc]

Okay. I just came out to my mom, for those of you who don't know, and she is not taking it well. She refuses to read any information on ts, so I thought maybe I could get her to watch a movie. However, the only FtM film I know of is Boys Don't Cry, and while I thought it was a spectacular film, I think it's a little too graphic and would just put Mom off.

That said, does anyone know of any other films with FtMs that might be enlightening? Actually, even an MtF film might work, as long as it is true to our journeys and does not have gratuitous sex, language, or violence. My mom is a smart woman, but she needs something to make her realize I'm not the only one out there who's dealing with this....

Any help would be appreciated.

Rafe

[Nero]

Ma Vie en Rose- I had my mom watch it many years ago and I think it sort of opened the door for later understanding.

[Dennis]

TransAmerica is a fairly lightweight movie, but still touches on the issues. There's a little sex in it - the son is a hustler - but it's more implied than shown. Might want to pre-screen it to make sure it doesn't cross the border to offensive.

There's a documentary "You Don't Know Dick" about FtM's that's good. I bought my copy from Northern Lights Productions by emailing them.

Dennis

[beth]

                  "Ma Vie en Rose"  is very good but is a MtF story.   Transamerica has one scene with a FtM but this is also the scene that describes us as "The transsexual lifestyle"  Not a good thing.  Boy's Don't Cry would be good with a tiny bit of editing of the sexual parts IMO.



beth

[Steph]

Okay. I just came out to my mom, for those of you who don't know, and she is not taking it well. She refuses to read any information on ts, so I thought maybe I could get her to watch a movie. However, the only FtM film I know of is Boys Don't Cry, and while I thought it was a spectacular film, I think it's a little too graphic and would just put Mom off.

That said, does anyone know of any other films with FtMs that might be enlightening? Actually, even an MtF film might work, as long as it is true to our journeys and does not have gratuitous sex, language, or violence. My mom is a smart woman, but she needs something to make her realize I'm not the only one out there who's dealing with this....

Any help would be appreciated.

Rafe

Personally at this stage I wouldn't bother with movies.  they are open to interpretation to the viewer, and if your mom isn't taking it well she may put a different spin on any film she watches on this.  Believe me the best thing to do is to sit down and talk, and talk, and talk with your mom.  And when you have finished talking, talk some more.  Communication is key Rafe, and communication by proxy doesn't work.  You need to show her, and she needs to know that you haven't changed on the inside, that you are still the same person you always were, and the only way to do that is face to face.

Steph

[Melissa]

Another option is if you could get a copy of the A girl like me: The Gwen Araujo story, although I haven't seen this myself, but I think it helped Nero's mom.

Melissa

[Luc]

Steph, I have tried, and tried, and tried. She doesn't want to talk anymore. She wants to try and ignore all of it. I'm hoping soon I can get her to go to a PFLAG meeting or something.

Rafe

[Steph]

Steph, I have tried, and tried, and tried. She doesn't want to talk anymore. She wants to try and ignore all of it. I'm hoping soon I can get her to go to a PFLAG meeting or something.

Rafe

Hmmmm...  Ok then the next thing you may need to do is to write her a letter and put it somewhere where she will find it and where she will be alone to to read it.  In the letter you need to try and explain you to her.  This is very difficult to put on paper, but one of the best ways to do this is to record what you want to say then transcribe it and make a lot of copies.  Make sure she is alone when she reads the letter, that way there is no pressure.  If she rips up the letter or throws it in the trash then put out another copy (paper is cheap) and keep doing it.  Other than that there is not much else you can do except to carry on with your transition regardless of her feelings.  Eventually she may realize that this is not going away, no matter how much she ignores it and eventually want to be apart of it, but then she may not.  involve her in the transition whether she wants to or not, by asking her thoughts on what you are wearing, and how your hair looks etc. and see where it goes.  However, having said all that you may have to resign yourself to the fact that your mom will never accept you.

Steph

P.S.  I doubt that you will be able to get her to a meeting unless she starts to talk to you about it.  Also in the letter list the contact information of a parent who is going through the same thing as her, and who would be willing to talk to her.