What gender are you in your dreams?

[rexgsd]

Thinking about it, I don't think i've ever been specifically female in a dream, but i definitely have been specifically male in a few. the majority though, i think have just been non-specified gender.but  Even one of the dreams i had that I was a canine, i was male

[JillEclipse]

there are rarely any mirrors in my dream and i dont dream in third person so this is really a tough question to answer. how do i "feel" in my dreams? i guess like how i want to be in real life, with a womans face but super human powers.

[Jamie-o]

Most of the time I'm not aware of gender in my dreams.  Though lately I've had several disturbing dreams in which I'm where I am now in transition, but I've gotten my period back (aaaack!  ) or I find myself topless someplace and I'm trying to find some way to hide my breasts.   

Often in dreams I'm riding in someone else's head.  Sometimes more than one person's.  For example, I once had a nightmare in which I was a psychic who was reliving a mass murder through the eyes of both the killer (a man) and a little girl who was one of the victims.

[JillEclipse]

Actually I just had a very distinct dream today. The first part I was in the inner city, a soccer club or something. Everyone was very violent and homophobic. I was afraid. Next thing this cute guy kissed me on the lips. His lips smelled very good. And his lips were stuck to mine.

Next part this was this girl I had a crush on a few years ago. I was a woman this time...I had a smooth sexy tanned body, long black hair and a beautiful tanned face and a vagina...we were playing on the cliff side she was trying to murder me...but also having sex with me at the same time. it was very hot

[Rammstein]

I'm usually male in my dreams. It can be very frustrating because then I wake up, and for a brief moment, still half-asleep, I think I really am 100% male in that perfect way I always wanted to be. But then my brain catches up with reality and I feel so bitterly disappointed I could cry. 
I still occasionally have dreams in which I am female but they don't bother me as long as they're not overtly sexual. Of course I love sexual dreams in which I am male.

[JillEclipse]

I just had a dream today, although I could not see myself I definitely was male, anyway I was running away from a bear, and I went into the rapids...So I was swimming through these rapids and at the end of the river I was female. I was swimming under the docks, and i took my hat off. There was this parking lot and a mexican restaurant. there was this really cute guy. we made out. i actually could see myself for a moment, i was a cute girl.

[Samantha_Peterson]

I just had a dream today, although I could not see myself I definitely was male, anyway I was running away from a bear, and I went into the rapids...So I was swimming through these rapids and at the end of the river I was female. I was swimming under the docks, and i took my hat off. There was this parking lot and a mexican restaurant. there was this really cute guy. we made out. i actually could see myself for a moment, i was a cute girl.

That reminds me of most of my dreams lately in how you changed from male to female.

At first my dreams were of me crossdressing where in some I was ridiculed and in others I was accepted. Then they started to gradually shift to me changing gender mid-dream and always finishing female. For instance, last night I dreamed that I had come home from school to find that my parents had found my stash of female clothing and they were giving me another lecture. I was sent upstairs to clean my room but found that my stash was completely undisturbed so I proceeded to change into female clothing. My sister knocked on my door to ask me a question (which is weird because she is in a university about 300 miles from me) and I opened it to see her staring at me. I asked what was wrong and she asked who I was and what I had done with her brother. I was confused so she brought a mirror out and I saw that I was a girl.

[JillEclipse]

That reminds me of most of my dreams lately in how you changed from male to female.

At first my dreams were of me crossdressing where in some I was ridiculed and in others I was accepted. Then they started to gradually shift to me changing gender mid-dream and always finishing female. For instance, last night I dreamed that I had come home from school to find that my parents had found my stash of female clothing and they were giving me another lecture. I was sent upstairs to clean my room but found that my stash was completely undisturbed so I proceeded to change into female clothing. My sister knocked on my door to ask me a question (which is weird because she is in a university about 300 miles from me) and I opened it to see her staring at me. I asked what was wrong and she asked who I was and what I had done with her brother. I was confused so she brought a mirror out and I saw that I was a girl.

Lol...the transistions in my dreams aren't so pronounced...it just happens. My dreams are mostly in first person, usually when I am a male I don't ever see myself. Then something chaotic happens (like running from a bear.) Once I am free from the bear, I feel waves of calm and relief. Then almost always I find happiness, and usually at this point not only do I feel like a woman, I actually SEE myself as a woman, sometimes through third person flashes, or even reflections from invisible glass walls...not just a crossdresser, but an actual woman, not even the same person as myself, not even me if I had SRS and facial feminization. A completely different person. And the key is, I never actually see myself transistion...it just "magically" happens.

But sometimes I do look like my avatar (Jill Eclipse) in my dreams. Usually I feel both man and woman during these dreams. Maybe I never see myself transistion, because in real life I don't crossdress, only put on makeup. And I always put makeup on in the bathroom. Maybe "bathrooms" are like a reserved entity. I think I only dream about bathrooms if I actually have to go to the bathroom?

[Samantha_Peterson]

Lol...the transistions in my dreams aren't so pronounced...it just happens. My dreams are mostly in first person, usually when I am a male I don't ever see myself. Then something chaotic happens (like running from a bear.) Once I am free from the bear, I feel waves of calm and relief. Then almost always I find happiness, and usually at this point not only do I feel like a woman, I actually SEE myself as a woman, sometimes through third person flashes, or even reflections from invisible glass walls...not just a crossdresser, but an actual woman, not even the same person as myself, not even me if I had SRS and facial feminization. A completely different person. And the key is, I never actually see myself transistion...it just "magically" happens.

But sometimes I do look like my avatar (Jill Eclipse) in my dreams. Usually I feel both man and woman during these dreams.

Whenever I change in my dreams I don't realize it until after someone else points it out. Then I feel bad about it if the one who tells me is a part of my family. If I am told by my friends then I feel like it is okay.

[JillEclipse]

ooh...that hurts. i know how you feel though. I can wear makeup in-front of friends every day, but i am so scared to wear makeup near family.

[Samantha_Peterson]

ooh...that hurts. i know how you feel though. I can wear makeup in-front of friends every day, but i am so scared to wear makeup near family.

I can't go out in female clothing at all. I just haven't gotten to that point yet and I know my family would disapprove. My family knows I crossdress but I haven't actually "told them" that that is who I am. That would probably be causing the bad feeling in those dreams. I have told two of my friends and they both don't care. They said it doesn't change how they see me and they feel that all it does is let them know a little bit more about me.

[placeholdername]

That's funny I just had a dream last night where I was me, but fully female.  It was kind of bizarre -- I was at some sort of amusement park with my family (parents and younger sisters), except I was wearing this American Apparel cranberry red dress that I own.  The bizarre part was the strangeness of the amusement park place, the fact that I was female/in a dress wasn't really an issue, and I didn't even really notice it until after I woke up and was remembering the dream.

[Samantha_Peterson]

I wish my dreams were like yours where I could feel so secure in myself that I wouldn't even notice what gender I was. The reality, however, is that my dreams are more like nightmares of late with the feeling of shame cropping up more and more.

[placeholdername]

I wish my dreams were like yours where I could feel so secure in myself that I wouldn't even notice what gender I was. The reality, however, is that my dreams are more like nightmares of late with the feeling of shame cropping up more and more.

Hah, that's just the thing -- I was secure in the dream because that was the reality of the dream, not how things are in my daily life .

Shame is a different story though.  I don't feel shame about it -- shame is a way of interpreting an emotion, but it's also a subconscious decision.  You can simply decide not to feel shame about it.  That probably sounds like some kind of mind warp, but it's true.  Just don't be ashamed.

[Samantha_Peterson]

Hah, that's just the thing -- I was secure in the dream because that was the reality of the dream, not how things are in my daily life .

Shame is a different story though.  I don't feel shame about it -- shame is a way of interpreting an emotion, but it's also a subconscious decision.  You can simply decide not to feel shame about it.  That probably sounds like some kind of mind warp, but it's true.  Just don't be ashamed.

It's hard to stop "thinking" that I am ashamed after 7 years of being told it was wrong to dress in women's clothing. I'm actually still in counseling and I feel it is a waste of time and that I am totally right in what I do on one level and on the other level I feel as if I could be wrong. I also don't want to hurt my parents and I guess I feel that if I told them I was a crossdresser or a transvestite I would hurt them.

[placeholdername]

It's hard to stop "thinking" that I am ashamed after 7 years of being told it was wrong to dress in women's clothing. I'm actually still in counseling and I feel it is a waste of time and that I am totally right in what I do on one level and on the other level I feel as if I could be wrong. I also don't want to hurt my parents and I guess I feel that if I told them I was a crossdresser or a transvestite I would hurt them.

That's where everything gets all muddled up -- this whole idea that wearing girl's clothes is 'right' or 'wrong'.  It's something you either do or don't do.  'right or wrong' is a decision you make about it, but you can easily change your mind, or decide not to label it one way or the other.  Was it 'right' or 'wrong' of me to wear the dress you see in my picture to the left there?  I don't know, it was just something I did.

Part of it is also avoiding labeling yourself as a 'crossdresser' or a 'transvestite'.  Cross-dressing is an action, not a quality of a person, and 'transvestite' is just an outdated term in general.

Lastly, if you tell your parents about it, whether they get hurt or not is their decision.  The idea that it would somehow be your fault is a product of social conditioning, just like it's not someone's fault if their parents choose to feel hurt because the person told their parents they were 'gay' or something similar.

The point is, many of the things we think of as emotions (hurt, shame, fear, and many others), aren't actually emotions, but reactions to emotions.  Sad is an emotion, shame is a reaction to an emotion.  Emotions are beyond our control, how we react to our emotions is not.

[Samantha_Peterson]

That's where everything gets all muddled up -- this whole idea that wearing girl's clothes is 'right' or 'wrong'.  It's something you either do or don't do.  'right or wrong' is a decision you make about it, but you can easily change your mind, or decide not to label it one way or the other.  Was it 'right' or 'wrong' of me to wear the dress you see in my picture to the left there?  I don't know, it was just something I did.

Part of it is also avoiding labeling yourself as a 'crossdresser' or a 'transvestite'.  Cross-dressing is an action, not a quality of a person, and 'transvestite' is just an outdated term in general.

Lastly, if you tell your parents about it, whether they get hurt or not is their decision.  The idea that it would somehow be your fault is a product of social conditioning, just like it's not someone's fault if their parents choose to feel hurt because the person told their parents they were 'gay' or something similar.

The point is, many of the things we think of as emotions (hurt, shame, fear, and many others), aren't actually emotions, but reactions to emotions.  Sad is an emotion, shame is a reaction to an emotion.  Emotions are beyond our control, how we react to our emotions is not.

Thanks. You've given me something to think on for a bit. All this time I've been telling myself that I wouldn't follow social conditioning and here I am falling prey to just that. I guess I need to start with understanding myself before I tell my parents.

[JillEclipse]

That's where everything gets all muddled up -- this whole idea that wearing girl's clothes is 'right' or 'wrong'.  It's something you either do or don't do.  'right or wrong' is a decision you make about it, but you can easily change your mind, or decide not to label it one way or the other.  Was it 'right' or 'wrong' of me to wear the dress you see in my picture to the left there?  I don't know, it was just something I did.

Part of it is also avoiding labeling yourself as a 'crossdresser' or a 'transvestite'.  Cross-dressing is an action, not a quality of a person, and 'transvestite' is just an outdated term in general.

Lastly, if you tell your parents about it, whether they get hurt or not is their decision.  The idea that it would somehow be your fault is a product of social conditioning, just like it's not someone's fault if their parents choose to feel hurt because the person told their parents they were 'gay' or something similar.

The point is, many of the things we think of as emotions (hurt, shame, fear, and many others), aren't actually emotions, but reactions to emotions.  Sad is an emotion, shame is a reaction to an emotion.  Emotions are beyond our control, how we react to our emotions is not.

ya i hate the words 'transvestite' and 'crossdresser' they are so MEAN. makes me think of some fat old white guy that just sits there and manipulates people!

[K8]

Thanks. You've given me something to think on for a bit. All this time I've been telling myself that I wouldn't follow social conditioning and here I am falling prey to just that. I guess I need to start with understanding myself before I tell my parents.

Yes.  For me, self-acceptance and self-understanding were the keys to going forward.  It took me a long time, but once I achieved some level of those I could start dealing with the rest of it.

- Kate

[Jam]

I am an FTM and i have always been male in pretty much everything apart from real life. In my dreams, daydreams, when i played games as a kid and even on video games i am automatically more comfortable with being in the male role.

I guess thats how i cope really, i get frustrated with being a girl but i can ignore it pretty well by just pretending im not in video games and day dreaming my life away.