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Coming out before you're ready...did it happen to you?

Started by mikke, November 08, 2006, 12:58:54 AM

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mikke

Ok so my "plan" of sorts was to go through a month or two of therapy and maybe start attending things "coming out" group they offer through the counseling service I go to. It's not working out that way. I've been to therapy twice, spent the last two weeks in a mental hospital (long story short: I have an anxiety issue), and accidentally outed myself to my aunt while in the hospital. That was ok though because I'm comfortable with her and she was the top of the list of "who to come out to" anyway. She took it really well, by the way.

Sooo...I got out yesterday. I've been staying at my parents' place because it's closer to the hospital and I'll be moving back home tomorrow. I THINK I would have been in the clear except my mom decided to be nice and do laundry and I'm sure she noted my lack of uhm...feminine undergarments. So this evening she asked if I really wanted to be called Laine instead of Katie (YES) and if she she'll try (YES!) and try to get other members of my family to try too. Then she started talking about how about a year ago my sister had mentioned (after not seeing me for a month or so) that she hadn't even recognized me standing on a street corner because I looked so much like a guy, and then they discussed possible reasons for this. Mom pretty brought up pretty much every possibility including if I were a guy in a girl's body then asked what I thought about it. I was MAJORLY on the spot and just kindof stuttered "well jeez...I guess I've never really thought about it in that kind of detail before..." before leaving the room.

Has this ever happened to anyone? Being "outed" or having to out yourself ahead of the nice neat plan you had drawn up? I'm going to ask my therapist this too but what do you do? This is not exactly the optimal time to bring it up, me being an ex-mental hospital patient and all.
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Luc

Laine... see my post in Just for Us on coming out to my mom.

Rafe
"If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself, and while you're at it, stop criticizing my methods!"

Check out my blog at http://hormonaldivide.blogspot.com
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Steph

Quote from: Laine on November 08, 2006, 12:58:54 AM

Has this ever happened to anyone? Being "outed" or having to out yourself ahead of the nice neat plan you had drawn up? I'm going to ask my therapist this too but what do you do? This is not exactly the optimal time to bring it up, me being an ex-mental hospital patient and all.

While I wasn't outed the same way you were, folks at work knew there was something different about me as the official date of my outing approached.  I think that in your case Laine you are very fortunate that your mom and aunt seem to be accepting of you, count your blessings.  Although this may have upset your plan a little, I would simply adjust it asking your mom and your aunt not to say anything more about you until you are ready to move forward, don't be afraid to talk with them about this either as you can now count on them as part of your support base.

Steph
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LostInTime

Well congrats Laine, things go like that sometimes.  :)

I had a couple of instances where people found out before I was ready and there was also the issue of my not being able to pass for guy after 5 months on hormones.  Between those two it drove me nuts and confused the heck out of the people around me.

One friend found out when I did not bind my chest and laid down on the floor.  :)  He was good enough not to say anything until after I came out on my own (a couple of weeks later).  I ended up admitting my gender issues with my parents after the split with my ex.  My mom asked out loud about how my relationships did not work out too well.  I can say she was not expecting that answer.  ;)

With that said, it is important that you draw up plans and have some sort of structure.  It reminds you what you have done, where you are going, and what remains to be done and said.

I wish you the very best of luck and hope that your coming out continues to go well.

LIT
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beth

          I think this is a lot more common than people realize. Everyone, no matter how far they are from coming out should have a basic plan as to how to address this if it happens.



beth
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