ARGH! Frustration!

[FolkFanatic]

I was all ready and set to give my parents my letter last weekend, but my dad got sick with pneumonia. So i decided to hold off, not wanting to dump this on them when he was feeling like ->-bleeped-<-.

I psyched myself up all week to give it to them today, and now i'm not so sure. He's STILL sick, had to go back to the doctor and everything. He's got a bad cough and is a bit plugged up.... but otherwise fine (i can hear him cheering for football and talking about nascar right now, no joke.)

Do i give it to them? Not? I don't want to stress them out too much (more specifically him due to his still being sick) but i can feel MYSELF getting stressed out too (which usually ends in a blow-up of some sort that i end up regretting after the fact.)

I just don't know what to do. I'm still waiting for a referral for therapy, so that won't be of any help just yet....

*sigh*

Seriously frustrated here.

[sneakersjay]

Only you can make that call.

But I will say, fwiw, that there never is a truly 'right time' to come out. There will always be something going on in life that will make it seem like it's not a good time.



Jay

[Carson]

Its up to you but I say now is as good a time as any.

[Banf]

I'd say if he can talk about nascar, he can accept a new son. :]
As Jay said, there's never a 'good' time. But you'd be surprised what distractions and annoyances people can forget about when it comes to actual important ->-bleeped-<-.

[spacial]

Think you're seriously haveing second thoughts.

Not about transision, but about telling them.

Either just give it to them now,

Or

Tear it up and wait till you feel confident again.

But as Jay says, your call.

[FolkFanatic]

Course i'm having second thoughts, this is a big thing. I honestly don't know what will happen and i don't want my parents to go crazy. My parents aren't big on the "sharing of the thoughts" thing.

But i'm as confident as i'll ever get considering i'll just keep stressing out as weeks go by (and my referrals go through, appointments are made, etc.)

Good thing is, though, they're settling down to watch TV (they're rarely settled together, same room... one is almost constantly in motion lmao). Perfect time to head up to clean out my room (which actually is a mess) while they read through the letter......

I'll post again later to let you guys know if i told them and how it went. Wish me luck!

[Silver]

Good luck!

[spacial]

I am so pleased you made the decision. 

[Greg]

Good luck!

What is it with Americans and Nascar, might as well watch the washing machine on a spin cycle 

[Silver]

What is it with Americans and Nascar, might as well watch the washing machine on a spin cycle 

Lol

[FolkFanatic]

Update:

My mom found and read the letter. She just came into my room and we talked - no yelling, no insulting. I didn't get kicked out (thank god). She was upset, but after she cried a bit (and after i cried a bit) we talked through it. After i assured her i was certain of myself  and my decision she agreed therapy sounds like a good idea and wants to go with me (as a family.)

I think she's hinging on the possibility the therapist might say "no, she is not *such and such*".  Bu then she went and said that we would get through it together, it was a big shock, it'll be a big change, we'll always love you, and so forth.

She's in talking to dad right now. I don't think she's going to have him read the letter, she's just going to talk about it with him. She mentioned it would be hardest on him (which i fully agree with) so here's to hoping he takes it as well as she did.

((Big sigh of relief))

Now to see what my dad does.

[Aussie Jay]

Good job dude. The weight might not be off your shoulders just yet but its at least shifted from the right to the left!
IMO you made the right choice, you were ready from the sounds of things and as Jay said there's never a 'good time'. You could find little thing after little thing to stop yourself... Better you go to them than God forbid they found a doctor's appt card or the endo's or the letter! Keep us posted - but it sounds as though your mum is willing to stand with you  and help with your dad... Congrats man.

[Lachlann]

That's good. Hopefully your dad will be just as understanding.

[FolkFanatic]

The weight is like Nascar. it shifted "left, left, left, left".....

When we spoke she actually admitted to finding my binder and looking the website up a while back, also the fact i now wear "guys" undies lmao. I didn't think she realized that one!

I think the biggest thing was she kept saying in different ways "It'll be tough, i wish you weren't going through this - if i had my choice you wouldnt be this and you would be straight, you would have it easy.... but that's life and you need to feel comfortable in your body. It's about you, and about us too...."

Here's to hoping my dad will be okay.

[Carson]

Congrats and continued good luck man, I think we all know how much courage it takes to do what you did. Here's to your dad being as willing to try as your mom.

[FolkFanatic]

Ah, she did ask me why i couldn't just be the "butch" part in a lesbian couple. I didn't even know she KNEW what a "butch lesbian" was! 

She also asked if i could "do this" without the surgeries and T, if i could really see myself as a guy (we all know the answer to that one i think). And about my friends and if they knew, what their initial reactions where. I sort of had to lie about that since i didn't think she was ready to hear that my one friend asked if this meant i would be having sex with a strap-on.....

((sigh))

They sure are taking a while....

[Aussie Jay]

Can't rush the important things dude 
My mum was total oposite - she understood my being Trans more than me identifying as a lesbian! Which surprised me a lot!
At least she seems to understand and accept that you need to be comfortable in your own skin - hopefully she will be able to help your old man understand that too. I'm not saying its going to be easy but you're on track man *big pat on the back*
You said your mum didn't realise you were wearing men's undies - my mum bought me men's deoderant ever since I was 14! There was her fist clue But folks have this magical pair of glasses where they don't always see what's right in front of them - or they dont want to think about what it means lol!

[FolkFanatic]

Last update of the night:

Dad is okay - well, he isn't blowing through the roof. He's upset, but not angry or pissed. They're both hanging on the hope that i'm wrong. "It isn't definite", "baby steps", "is it what you really want", "how do you know", "didn't have much real life experience to know for sure", etc.

I don't have the heart to say "hell yeah it's definite" so i'm going to leave that up to the professional when i finally get a referral.

Looks like no T for a while, though, which is a bit of a bummer....

What are views of therapists? Should i go with a known gender therapist (there is one about 30-40 minutes from me)? My dad suggested a "regular" one first but i don't want to waste time with one who may not be able to give a definitive answer for them.

Well, good night all - unless i can't sleep and end up back on in a bit.

[myles]

I had no luck with a regular therapist. I would suggest a gender therapist as things will progress better and I think they will be better prepared to help out with your parents questions.
Glad it seems to be going well so far, not kicked out and all.
Myles

[Aussie Jay]

Yeah I'd go with a gender specialist for a therapist. I saw a regular one and he just had to refer me to someone else - cut out the middle man if you can. But I guess the general therapist could surprise us all, but why take the risk...
Chin up mate and as Myles said - you still have a bed dude! And you're out to your parents