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Two sides of the coin....

Started by FolkFanatic, February 02, 2010, 06:49:09 PM

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Radar

Man. You're a legal adult now but they're treating you like a minor. You're going to have to stand up for yourself and remind them of that. Them throwing your possessions away is very uncool. How would they like it? Plus, doctors don't need to report to an adult's parents. In fact they can't with HIPPA laws unless you've signed for them to.

It sounds to me like your parents' idea of "baby steps" is "not moving at all". I hate to say it, but you may not be able to transition until you've moved out. It sounds like your parents will allow no progression while you live there.

But, it's O.K. for them to see a therapist themselves. They have alot to deal with and may need help. If their therapist is knowledgeable on transgender issues it might even help you in the long run.
"In this one of many possible worlds, all for the best, or some bizarre test?
It is what it is—and whatever.
Time is still the infinite jest."
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Nicky

Bit of a delema though. I understand your need to live at home for now. I think you should keep doing what you need to do, assert yourself.

Just wanted to add something else- It would be really funny if you brought a bike lock and kept all your underwear locked on it attached to your bed or desk or something - out in plain view!
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Carson

Quote from: Nicky on February 03, 2010, 03:24:13 PM
Just wanted to add something else- It would be really funny if you brought a bike lock and kept all your underwear locked on it attached to your bed or desk or something - out in plain view!

WIN
Call me a cheat but I make my own fate.

http://www.formspring.me/carson1234
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sneakersjay

Quote from: Nicky on February 03, 2010, 03:24:13 PM

Just wanted to add something else- It would be really funny if you brought a bike lock and kept all your underwear locked on it attached to your bed or desk or something - out in plain view!

Except they'd probably just scissor them off.

Very uncool to take things belonging to an adult child, even if said adult child lives at home.  Very disrespectful.

Jay


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FolkFanatic

Quote from: sneakersjay on February 03, 2010, 04:43:58 PM
Except they'd probably just scissor them off.

Very uncool to take things belonging to an adult child, even if said adult child lives at home.  Very disrespectful.

Jay

This is what i've lived with forever, pretty much. If they didn't like it, they took it. I should have guessed they might try it with this but never THOUGHT they would delve into my underwear drawer and take that.

They've taken necklaces (i had a nifty cross one they didn't like, i ended up liberating that from their sock drawer), my written stories ("omg, GAY stuff!"), books.... Yes, i agree - not cool and not respectful. They haven't done anything like this though since i turned 18 - this is the first.

Thank god most of my other stuff is locked up - my STP/packy, regular packy, etc. Though odd thing is my SheWee was right in the same drawer.... still there. Guess they didn't notice it?

*sigh*

Dunno. We'll see how they're appointment tonight goes. Might confront them this weekend if my underwear doesn't just show back up. Or if i don't find it.

I am working on getting a job, though - the college has a program that does work study so i'm going to try that. I could easily work on campus between classes. I'm also selling a bunch of junk i don't need (though that won't get me much).

I also found out that there's going to be a local "open house" for the GLBT community this Saturday. I'm gonna go and see what it's about. One of my profs will be there (i KNEW my gaydar was right about that one lmao.)
"It's not a lie if they make you lie. If the only truth they can accept is their own."

"..since God is love, and God doesn't make any mistakes, then you must be exactly the way He wants you to be."
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Silver

Why would they throw away your underwear?
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Lachlann

So how do you guys hide this stuff from your parents? Unless it's in my computer, they'll end up finding it. :x
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own
Love will open every door it's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for, spread your wings and soar
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Adio

Quote from: Lachlann on February 03, 2010, 06:08:12 PM
So how do you guys hide this stuff from your parents? Unless it's in my computer, they'll end up finding it. :x

Like binders, packers, and stuff?  Or trans issues in general?
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Lachlann

Quote from: Adio on February 03, 2010, 06:10:07 PM
Like binders, packers, and stuff?  Or trans issues in general?

Binders and packers and stuff.

Well, I guess it doesn't matter now, but I'm still curious.
Don't be scared to fly alone, find a path that is your own
Love will open every door it's in your hands, the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know, all the answers will unfold
What are you waiting for, spread your wings and soar
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IndigeoAliquis

A cheap-ass safe from Walmart that doesn't operate on a skeleton-key mechanism?
Hiding it in air venting?
Peeling up a corner of carpet, removing some wood, and hiding it in subflooring?
Hollowing out various books?
In a bucket in a tree in your yard?
... In a jar in a hole in the ground in your yard?

I have no idea.
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Adio

My mom knows about my binder, so I don't bother hiding that from her.  But for a long time she didn't know I packed (or had hard packers).  I put them in baggies inside one of those canvas shopping bags and put it in a desk drawer under some papers.  She doesn't go through my desk so it was easy enough.  She found out when I accidentally left my packy on the sink one day though lol.  After that I didn't bother with hiding them anymore.
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spacial

Your parent, sadly, are not uncommon. Many parents see their role as guiding their offspring to an ideal. Frequently, these types of parents will claim that they have given you advantages they didn't have.

The problem here is these types of parents will never let you grow up.

Remember that scene in Life of Brian where his mom comes to the window and yells at the crowd, @He's not the messiah, He's a very naughty boy!

I knew a woman, many years ago. She was in her late 50s. She had worked hard at academia and then in business becoming the managing director of a major book store. She was also a prominent activist in an alternative lifestyle movement.

She once told me that, whenever she went to see her mother, the conversation would start with asking if she had changed her underwear today, did she have a bath. Then onto direct criticism of her eating, her sitting, before a general round of criticising her entire lifestyle.

I'm simply saying that, your parents won't change. They actually don't mean to cause you harm or frustration. They are simply unable to see you as an individual. And they are unlikely ever to.

Whatever you do, or whatever they do, try to remember they are what they are.
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Jamie-o

Man, it's things like this that always made me so glad I had the parents I did.  :icon_no: Yes, they're having issues with my transition, but they have always treated me with the respect and consideration they would want to be treated with themselves, so they make the effort. 

I'm reminded of my own underwear story... About a year ago, before I was out, I was over at my mom's house doing laundry.  (My building doesn't have laundry facilities, and she appreciates having the chance to get together and catch up every week or two.)  Now, my mom almost never goes down to the laundry room unless she is wearing her very last pair of clean panties, so I wasn't worried about anyone taking note of my boxer-briefs.  However, my dad was visiting for the holidays, and he's the sort of fellow who can't let a dryer full of clean laundry go for more than 15 minutes without stopping to fold it.  (The laundry, not the dryer.)  He never said a word, but I sometimes wonder what he thought.  Secret boyfriend whose underwear I wash?  Kinky cross-dressing daughter?  Weird trend, but hey, no worse than the blue hair?  Who knows.  ;D
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