it has been almost a month since I came out at work

[MICHELLE192]

today is the day I plan to wear girl close at work well sort of.  I got a pair of tight fitting girl jeans just brought yesterday.  I am not going to hide my chest like I have been doing for years.  Since today is monday and there is alot of snow on the ground it should not be that bussy today.  I will have my wife with me as back up if needed yes we both work at the same place and I own the store so no problem with bosses.  I am not going to wear makeup today just taking small steps see how it works out.  See if we loss any costumers if we have any today.

[Jasmine.m]

Good luck, Michelle!! Even small steps are big ones!! 

[Silver]

Good luck!

[MICHELLE192]

Thanks for the luck.  I am sorry it took so long to get back here.  My wife and I were talking about today.  I wore the tight jeans and a black top at first my wife was afraid of a bra strap showing and sugested I went without.  That was a mistake felt very conscience about that every time the door opened and the cold hit me.  I thought today was going to be dead I was wrong about that.  My wife was looking at me like she wanted to take me upstairs and that was when I realized what the cold was doing to my chest.  At least one of the costumers noticed as well seen that familuar eye bulge from him.  Since I live upstairs I ran up and put a bra on, felt alot more comfitable afterwards.  The day went perfect no problems at all some of the regulars took a double look while others did not notice. At the end of the night this guy came in I know he is gay and has given my wife the cold shoulder treatment before talked to me instead of her when she was the one working.  I was in the doorway to enter behind the counter.  I don't know why I did this but I stuck out my chest rested the door frame between them and bent alittle to see if he noticed something differnet about me.  He did he looked back around and ended up walking into a shelf of dvds knocking it over.  Talk about a wonderful day and a great way to end it.  My wife controlled herself and did not laugh and helped him pick the dvds up but once he left we both laughed about it.  Why did I wait so long hiding behind baggy t-shirts and loose fitting jeans.  This might just be a fluke but nomally for a monday the store brings in about $100 but today it was over $300 and with 2 feet of snow on the ground from Saturdays storm.   I don't want to say what kind of store this is but half of the costumers are gay and most are guys. 

[Radar]

I don't know why I did this but I stuck out my chest rested the door frame between them and bent alittle to see if he noticed something differnet about me. He did he looked back around and ended up walking into a shelf of dvds knocking it over.

Awesome.

This might just be a fluke but nomally for a monday the store brings in about $100 but today it was over $300 and with 2 feet of snow on the ground from Saturdays storm.

They all came to see you.

[spacial]

Michelle

That is great!!!

Bet you feel like a million!

[Stephanie2664]

It sounds like a great day and quite a moral booster.

Congratulations!!


Have a great day.   

[MICHELLE192]

I had a great time on Monday felt so good did not get to sleep until 2 am usually I am asleep at 11 pm.  I felt young again, smiling, and free; however, my wife is worried how it might effect the business.  I noticed some repeat costumers from monday but I was unable to stay around the hole day.  It is snowing again expecting another 1-2 feet this is going to effect the business.  7 inches of snow so far at only 4am.

My wife does not understand wonders why it can not stay in the bedroom and I am not sure how to explain to her why.  I watch her switch gender per costumer it is like she reads thier body language and responds to it. She gets to be herself in the store or when she is out for any reason.  Why must I only be myself in the bedroom.  I am sorry just complaining. 

She wants to see how business goes if we loose business because of me being myself.  Only 3 people walked out without getting anything on Monday but that is a low amount not finding something they like or too scared to tell what they are looking for. In case anyone is wondering why I might risk the business by coming out.  I hate what we sell and would not mind either changing it or loosing it.  It is a family business that we took over so the previous owner could retire. 
Post Merge: February 11, 2010, 07:35:52 AM
today is thursday, this will be the second day I am going to work the store dressed I guess the best way to describe it is a butch girl or that is how my wife described it.  There is more snow on the ground then on Monday and Thursdays are more busier. 
Post Merge: February 12, 2010, 08:46:32 AM
Disasterous second day working in womens clothes.  The store brought in less then half what is normal.  One of the costumers asked for an extra something not sure if he is gay or not he only started coming around on Monday my first day out.  This time my wife was not with me.  It was a totally different from the first day out.  I ended up an emotional wreck and had to close the store until my wife could take over.  I am not going to let this set me back I am in the store right now alone on a Friday.  My wife will be joining me later when business usually picks up.

[spacial]

Hi Michelle

Sorry didn't respond on Friday.

Really sorry about your tough day. Hope things worked out better Saturday.

Work is always a tough place though. that's why we get paid I suppose.

Please get back and say what's going on.

[MICHELLE192]

Thanks spacial.  It has not been going well at the store.  right now I am back dressed like a guy a tight sports bra to hide my chest very uncomfitable. Since this is an adult bookstore I thought it should be easy to come out.  I think the hardest part of it all was my wife she does not understand why I want to be seen as myself.  I am back to my old grumpy self once the store closes I can get out of this costume and slip into something more comfitable.  I really don't know what to do. 

[spacial]

Michelle

Can I suggest you take the transision in stages?

I'm sure everyone understands your impatience, but it may help for you to adjust as well as your wife.

I get the feeling you are not entirely comfortable yet. Your wife seems not to be very comfortable, she will be picking up on your discomfort as you will on hers.

Taking this one step at a time might ease you into things and make you both feel better.

[Janet_Girl]

Why not just do an androgynous look for now?  Neither male nor female.  It would good for your wife to catch up and it would give you time to adjust.

Just a thought.

[MICHELLE192]

That is how I was dressing tight female jeans that look like guys but the way they fit.  A plain black shirt with a little v cut out.  I don't know why I got emotional when that guy hit on me.  I worked here for 10 years before taken it over and got hit on by gay guys alot.  I was just in a mind set at the time.  Maybe it would have been better to wear the jeans with an oversized top instead of a top that fit right.  It might have been too much too fast for her.  We both had a good time on the first day I wore normal fitting clothes.  I have the curves and chest from years ago.  I cannot give up I'm tired of wearing clothes too big for me to baggy on me.

[vanna]

you can never give up michelle, you giving up on who you are?

i have had many setbacks, doubts even sitting here now on who i am but the only one way to go is forward

i hope you find you path

[FairyGirl]

The more days you hang in there, the more comfortable you get with being yourself in public, the less inclined you will be to consider giving up, ever. It takes a while to figure out what's going to work, but you can do it. Best wishes on your journey of discovery, and good luck with your business.

[spacial]

I hope no-one minds, but I've deleted this comment.

The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I feel about it.

[MICHELLE192]

I gave it another shot wearing the usual jeans and plain black top.  my wife and i were in the office behind the counter working on tax stuff for 2009.  Before I knew it 5 hours later we finally finished and sent everything to the accountant.  She took care of costumers while I worked on the computer.  It was kind of busy in the store today so far still have 3 hours until closing. 
Post Merge: February 18, 2010, 06:42:11 AM
I could not give up on being me.  I went back to listing to music instead of watching the science channel at work.  I even caught myself dancing while alone it has been a long time since I done stuff like that.  I still feel funny when a regular costumer comes in well some I seen me as a guy for over a decade some just noticed I have a chest. It is kind of fun watchinng them drop stuff walk into shelves their jaws drop. 
Post Merge: February 18, 2010, 11:21:42 PM
Friday is coming up busy day at the store.  My wife has to take 2 kids to theapist appointment.  That would leave me alone in the store, and I will be wearing normal fitting clothes. 

I have been thinking about the next steps I would like to take.  I would like to get a hair cut sort of at least the bangs cut.  They are long enough to cover my face completely.  It has been 15 years since I had a hair cut, 20 since the back was cut.  I am also thinking about wearing earrings again but again it has been 15 years and not sure if the holes are still there. I am starting with guy earrings swords and battle axes.  A throw back to the heavy metal days when I was a teenager.  Then later I would take care of my face work on the eyes and maybe even start wearing some makeup but that might be a year from now. 


Post Merge: February 19, 2010, 07:05:36 PM
Here is how a Friday by myself went.  First my wife cut my hair now I look more human less like (cousin it) from the adams family.  Once my wife left I put on the music and turned off the TV.  Started with warlock ending with AC/DC.  It seems so easier to relax with music on then watching TV.  The regular guys that usually come got use to my new look god only knows what they think.  I have been feeling more comfitable in here but since the hair cut it is harder to bring my hair to the front.  I have to pull it towards the front instead of tossing my head.  I still have not wore anything but black shirts I have a couple blue but change my mind about wearing them.  With the black things look smaller the blue is not that dark of a shade.  I am taking it slowly   

[MICHELLE192]

It has been almost a month since I stopped pretending to be a guy.  My wife has noticed some changes in me.  At first she was against me coming out at work but I think she changed her mind.  I have been happier and more out to help the costumers then before.  My sales have been up higher then ever.  I have not been tired after the days work and she even said it seems like we are back in the honeymoon stage again.  I am afraid to ask her how she feels about what I have been wearing during work, but she did not voice objections. I should be getting earrings in the mail today and will find out if my holes are closed or could be reopened. 

[Radar]

Good for you Michelle! I'm glad things are starting to work out. Keep moving forwards.

[MICHELLE192]

I pushed it alittle bit further today started wearing earrings again and got rid of the reducer bra.  My mother in law noticed the earrings and thinks I look younger like 15 years ago the last time I was out.  My 17 year old son thinks I am going through a midlife crises tring to recapture my youth or something like that.  My 13 year old son think I look gay with the tight shirts and now earrings, might be why my wife did not want me to come out.  My 15 year old daughter did not say anything at all which is normal for her.