When/how should I come out to my extended family?

[maxxwell]

So, I've been out to my parents for about 6 months now. They've been doing pretty well with it, although I still have problems with my mother sometimes.

Now, I'm facing another problem. Coming out to my aunts, uncles, and my many, many cousins. They are all scattered around the world; some live in my state, some live in Japan or Hawaii(military), one lives in England for school. My extended family, for the most part, is pretty religious. Most of my cousins are/were missionaries, my aunt(dad's sister) wanted to be a nun, and my uncle(dad's brother) is a preacher. I'm really close to about 5 of my cousins. Sometimes, I just feel like sending them a message on facebook to just get it over with, but then I go to their pages...filled with biblical quotes and all that jazz. It just makes me feel ashamed, alone, scared.

So, my problem is...when who I come out to do? I never see any of them, so it really wouldn't make much of a difference...I do want them in my life though. Some of them I'd be okay with losing contact, but others I really want to maintain a good relationship. Sometimes, I do want to just get it over with so I can just be myself on my own facebook. Other times, I just think I shouldn't say ANYTHING until after I've started hormones. I just feel like that's lying to them if I do it that way.

Also, how do I come out to them? Should I do it on facebook? Write a letter? I'm not good with phones, never have been. I just don't know how to explain it to them. I wouldn't know what to say at all.

Well, thank you for your time. Have a great day! Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

[spacial]

Hi maxxwell

Why do the religious quotes make you feel guilty?

And, since your parents, generally, support you, why should you feel any difficulty telling other members of your family?

And a very happy Valentine's Day to you too

[maxxwell]

Well, it's just...growing up, my extended family was anti-gay anything. So, religious quotes just make me feel bad. They always told me it's "wrong" to be anything other than what the bible says. I think it's more guilt that I'm hurting my family and their beliefs more than anything.

And, my parents are not religious, which made it so much easier for me to come out to them. My dad is the opposite of the family he was raised with, and my mom pretty much is too. So, my extended family makes it difficult with their beliefs. Basically, my parents always told me, "Be who you want to be. We just want you to be happy." I heard that all my life growing up. But my extended family...it was more like, "Be the way God wants you to be or else. We know who you are, so be that person." It's just difficult.

[spacial]

OK. Now lets sort out the gay-Bible thing first.

There are some parts of the Bible that condem gays. In the same sections there are parts that say if a virgin gets raped and doesn't screem, she is to be stoned to death. Deuteronomy 22:23-24

Have you ever wondered why these bible thumpers don't try to enfore that one?

As Christians, and I am a completely committed Christian, we follow the teachings of Jesus first.

Jesus taught is that we must never kill, He also said we have no right to judge each other. This is in the Gospels. Sorry, I don't quote from the Gospels, because too many people take quotes out of context. But the first Gospel isn't very long and you should get through it in a couple of hours.

With these two affirmations, almost every mosaic law was overturned, leaving only the 10 Commandments.

The only commandment dealing with sexual matters is the prohibition on adultry. If you think about it, this is a prohibition of any bad faith.

It isn't my place to question the religious views of others. But equally, it isn't theirs to impose their notions onto you.

Your responsibility is to yourself, to make best use of the life you've been given.

God doesn't make mistakes. So you must be perfect. And you are.

[Radar]

For me I'm going to rely on my other family members to tell my extended family (if at all). I rarely see them or talk to them but some of my immediate family does talk to them some. I'm not too worried about how distant family I never see think about it or find out. It's hard enough coming out to your close family. There's no need for me to have added stress telling my entire family or just being able to get a hold of them. By the time I'd get a hold of them all I would've died from old age. The whole world doesn't need to know of my transition.

[LordKAT]

This may seem strange or even impolite if some other postings are taken into account. I went to a funeral with people I see maybe every 10 years or so. One asked if I had changed my name and what it was. She used that name with only one slip and I'm sure many noticed my furry face as well. I did not tell anyone but I did not deny it or try to be someone I'm not either. The ones I see often I told or rather my daughter did.

[Cindy]

If you don't have contact with them why bother. If you do, tell them by Facebook or email etc. If they cannot deal with it it's their problem, not yours.

I have to admit that I am an atheist and as far as I can tell the Bible is full of contradictory and in many cases obscene and evil stories of how to treat people. Please don't anyone take offence. And I will not enter into an argument.

People who are very fundamentalist, no matter what their religion is, will not accept anything outside of their belief, so they will not accept you anyway.

If they believe in gods and a god made you, gods cannot make mistakes so therefore you are not a mistake, but as spacial said, so you're perfect. And I agree.

I have to admit my extended family, friends etc basically didn't care less. Sometimes we see fear when there is none. Bit like buying clothes, getting ears pierced, going out for the first time etc. We are usually terrified, the majority of people we meet couldn't give a damn.

JMO

Good luck
Cindy