Why can't you just be a *fill in the blank*

[thestory]

Why can't you just be a lesbian, whats the difference? Why not just be a tomboy...why cant, why don't ya? Why why why...

I love my mother, I do, but if she doesn't stop saying this I can't promise I wont just flip one day. Same for my dad.
I know many of you have also experienced this phenomena of them just not getting it MtF or FtM doesn't matter. Its been nearly a year since I've come out and they are still in denial thinking I'm something I'm not.

[rejennyrated]

I was one of the few MtF's who pretty well grew up as a girl. (Even back in the 1960's there were a few) I dressed as a girl a fair bit of the time, my co-ed school allowed me to take the optional subjects and activities that most girls did, my friends were mostly girls etc.

My parents knew all this and indeed had actively helped me to achieve it all. Yet when the time came when age 17 I started seeing a therapist, they co-operated with him in putting me through a bizzare from of reparative therapy whilst all the while my mother kept saying: "why can you just be gay?"  "why can't you just be a ->-bleeped-<-?!"

So yeah - you aren't alone - and I know EXACTLY how irritating that feels.

Sadly I have no idea why a family who were otherwise unbelievably supportive (at a time when that wasn't the done thing) had this huge hang up about surgery. You just have to do what I did and put your foot down and tell them to get used to it!

[Miniar]

I can't be a girl for the exact same reason as my mother can not be a boy. Because I'm not a girl, and she's not a boy.

I would suggest showing your mother the Gender Puzzle documentary if possible.

[Alexmakenoise]

Why can't you just be a lesbian, whats the difference? Why not just be a tomboy...why cant, why don't ya? Why why why...

I got the same thing from my parents when I came out to them, even though they were accepting over-all (much appreciated!).  This is basically how I answered:

Q: Are you sure you're not a lesbian?
A: Remember all the guys I've dated over the years?  I'm a gay man, which is arguably the opposite of being a lesbian.  I recognize that my sexual orientation could hypothetically change were I to go on T, but for now, I'm a homosexual man.

Q: Have you fully embraced the diversity among women?  Gender expectations are a cultural thing.  You can be whatever society considers masculine and still be a woman.
A: Yeah.  I know.  I majored in women's studies and I agree with what you said.  Having studied and embraced these concepts, and gotten to know plenty of women, I realize that I think like a typical guy, as opposed to a woman who is deemed to be "masculine" by society's standards.

Q: Have you considered seeing a counselor about all this?
A: Of course.  I plan on it.  And even if I didn't want to, I'd have to if I ever want to transition.

Q: But what about your skirts and dresses?  You look lovely in them.
A: Thank you.  And I enjoy wearing them when the mood strikes, as do a lot of guys I know.