That's not my body!

[Between Names]

After getting my first binder back around November, I've been binding almost every day.  I think you guys can relate to that confidence boost that comes with a flat chest...  I hate going without my binder, and had to get a second one just so that when I needed to wash one I would always have a binder on hand.

Still, I occasionally give my chest a break from the binding and will go a day or two without wearing a binder.  Instead I'll just wear a sports bra (or nothing. )

Lately I've been having this feeling when I go without my binder...  It's this weird disconnect.  I do double-takes when I see chest in the mirror, thinking, "What is THAT?!  That's not my body!"

I suppose after getting used to having a flat chest, seeing boobs on my chest again just causes me to freak out a little.

[Elijah3291]

yea its weird.. when I used to live as a chick, i was ok with them.. they were there.. i didnt like them really, but i didnt hate them.

but now after binding and stuff... when i see them under a shirt.. they look so bad on me. they look like a deformity, like a tumor or something.

[owl]

i hate waking up not having the body i want to have, its a horrible feeling.

[Silver]

i hate waking up not having the body i want to have, its a horrible feeling.

Yeah, it just makes every single morning that much better. Meh.

As for the binding, it's great. But then it's hard to bring yourself to take it (whatever it may be) off. Shows me how much I didn't miss the lumps.

[thestory]

I can definitely connect with this. I don't like taking off my binder and its a pain to have to wash them so often as I do. But its what it takes. I remember wheezing for a little while because I had a respiratory infection. Binding made it worse for my chest, but I had a hard time dealing with having them off... so I kept them on anyways. 

[Alessandro]

Yeah absolutely, same feeling.  Like Elijah said too, I didn't used to think about them so much.  In fact for me, it was only when an ex drew too much attention to them that I started to hate them.

Now I am uncomfortable seeing my reflection without a binder

[sneakersjay]

Yep.

Before top surgery, I'd exit the shower.  The bathroom mirror shows chest and up. Every day I'd pull back the shower curtain to see lumps... whoa.  So not right!!  Now I love who I see in the mirror!!!


Jay

[Jeatyn]

I hate seeing my body shape in the slightest, I hide away in baggy clothes. I'm all T and A and I hate it

[Radar]

I've gotten to where I'm too self-conscious to not be wearing my binder during the day and night. I wear it even if I'm just going to be home. The only time I give it a break is when sleeping at night. Even then it feels weird and unnatural to me and increases my dysphoria.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Yeah, I can relate. Even with a binder on, unless it looks flat enough to my liking, I get dysphoric. With the binder I have it's hard to get it tight enough to my liking without having someone to hold part of my binder while I spin to get it tighter...well...if no one is there, I literally stand and mess with my junk until it looks ok...and when I ask people other than my roommate to help me bind it tighter, they laugh at me and tell me my chest is fine but I want to scream NO, ITS NOT! It's not fine. My chesticles don't belong there.