Oh, the irony!

[sneakersjay]

Do you have a PFLAG chapter in your area?  That can be hugely helpful for parents.

I tried to get my mom to go... but it's a 30 minute drive and she hates driving, so... probably wont' go.


Jay

[Radar]

... Shouldn't it be about what makes you happy? not what's convenient for them?

Many parents don't think that way. They want what's best for them, no matter what they tell you.

I think over time your parents will come around. They're seeing a therapist about it so it shows they're trying, no matter how hard it is for them.

[FolkFanatic]

I've pretty much given up trying to talk to them about it - it always ends the same "you're not an adult, this is an adult decision, don't know if we can support it, need to think about MY health and making sure I don't go back into depression, have to think of dad...."

And last night i overheard my mom talking to my aunt (her sister) on the phone. Various snippets include: "Her dad thinks it's a phase", "i want her to be more social", "how do you force someone to be more social", a lot about how i was always shy, "maybe she could live with YOU and you can... shape her up".....

I was about to storm in, pissed off before i remembered i was 21 and they can't just "ship me up" to someone. Straighten out... PAH! If only they knew....

And i am shy but i'm starting to think that is because of the dysphoria. Same with the lack of sex drive (rather that "feeling" for other people.)

I'm going to leave the end result explaining to the therapist before i transfer to a gender specialist. Because they need to ACCEPT it, if not support it, and we need to work out  how it's going to... well... work out when i start T (because it WILL happen).

The closets substancial "organization" of any kind (such as PFLAG) is about an hour away. I'm getting more involved with the local group (The Bridge) so hopefully that will turn up some contacts and help.

[Radar]

- it always ends the same "you're not an adult, this is an adult decision

I think you need to sit your parents down and explain to them you're a legal adult and should be treated as one. As long as they have this image that you're a child or teenager, can't make your own decisions and have to do everything they say you'll get nowhere. If they can't accept you're no longer a child- let alone trans- your life will be hell. If they can't get past this controlling trip then I think you need to make back-up plans. How they treat you about all of this really angers me.

[FolkFanatic]

I have my therapist appointment tomorrow. I'm going to request a family discussion under her supervision so i can talk to them with her support and guidance (after i discuss these issues with her FIRST of course). I wasn't planning to do it so soon but you're right, it IS annoying to not be thought of as an adult.

Plus i just got done talking to her (mom) - she tried to get to to talk to the therapist about my "need to be more social and go out more."

SO not what i'm going there to do and they seem unable to accept that i'm a shy, unsocial person. I don't like going out and meeting people (though i have been recently.) I prefer hanging back and letting people come to me. Part of that MAY be because of my dysphoria - i've always been like that.

Ah, and the argument about the adult thing.... She was a bit miffed because i retorted that she must not think of my married close friend as an adult since her (my mom's) criteria to be an adult is something along the lines of "financially in charge of ones self and takes full care of ones self" (since my friend is financially dependent on her husband and doesn't contribute anything other than household chores.)

Ah, annoyances!

[H205]

I'll tread lightly here because I mean no disrespect, but often times we are treated as we are perceived. The conversations and banter between you and Mom are youthful sounding by nature, with the smart a$$ comments and "Don't get smart with me" talk. To gain respect as an adult, you kinda have to put off that vibe. Turning 18 makes you an adult, however acting like an adult is something else.
You're going to have to be non dependent of your parents to be a responsible adult. That means a job and your own place or with roommates. I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but if you've never 'transitioned' from the child you've always been to you Mom, why would she treat you any different?
I obviously don't know what you've been through in life and don't even know how you specifically feel or struggle with with the life/FTM. Just an outsider hopefully bringing light on why Mom might still the power figure in your life.

[Arch]

Radar - I think they're at the denial stage and looking for reasons i may be identifying as trans. Fix-able reasons.

I am having my hormones checked though, just to see what's what. It'll be interesting to see what the results are. I'm hoping to show low or regular levels of T for "female" so my parents can't blame that any more and move on.

Just a  warning of a possible bump. My ex didn't go around looking for reasons that I was trans, but when my blood work showed extra-low T levels, even for a regular female body, he said, "So maybe you don't need to transition? Maybe all you need is enough testosterone to bring you up to normal levels."

I will confess to having a fleeting thought of the same possibility.

[FolkFanatic]

I'll tread lightly here because I mean no disrespect, but often times we are treated as we are perceived. The conversations and banter between you and Mom are youthful sounding by nature, with the smart a$$ comments and "Don't get smart with me" talk. To gain respect as an adult, you kinda have to put off that vibe. Turning 18 makes you an adult, however acting like an adult is something else.
You're going to have to be non dependent of your parents to be a responsible adult. That means a job and your own place or with roommates. I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but if you've never 'transitioned' from the child you've always been to you Mom, why would she treat you any different?
I obviously don't know what you've been through in life and don't even know how you specifically feel or struggle with with the life/FTM. Just an outsider hopefully bringing light on why Mom might still the power figure in your life.

You're right about the fact that i do need to be independent in every way - including my own place and such. You actually basically just stated in one paragraph what my therapist spent an hour telling me this morning!

The only way in which i'm dependent on them is the house (no rent) and groceries. I pull my weight (chores, my own laundry, etc), go to college, and have jobs between semesters. I pay for my stuff, my dog, and everything else.

I'm actually looking into on-campus work so i can work year-round and i'm looking into loans so i CAN get my own place.

My mom just refuses to see me as an adult. And yes, our arguments CAn get childish though the whole "don't get smart" thing was just her being her - i told her what was on the paper: books i bought. She doesn't want anything to do with the transition at this point so i just didn't tell her what KIND of books they where. When she read the paper she got pissed.

And Arch - my therapist doesn't think my being trans has anything to do with my hormones. She told me that today, actually. She just wanted to see if they could be the reason i have no sexual feelings to people (at home solo stuff i do, but no interest in doing anything with another person male/female OR any interest in relationships.) She agreed that dysphoria was likely to be the reason as opposed to hormones....

Good thing is she said there was no reason i COULDN'T get a prescription for T at my visit in April with the Endo. She's going to talk my parents though everything prior to that. I'm not asking them to hug me and embrace anything at this point - just that they don't kick me out before i secure a place to stay and accept that i'm doing this for ME.

[Myself]

you are having way too much fun

[tekla]

You're going to have to be non dependent of your parents to be a responsible adult.

Yeah I'm going to have to roll with this one.  And its not a matter of chores, or pitching in - its a matter of being out of their house and taking away that level of control.

You are trading creature comforts for your freedom, and yet you wonder why you are not free.

[Radar]

SO not what i'm going there to do and they seem unable to accept that i'm a shy, unsocial person. I don't like going out and meeting people (though i have been recently.) I prefer hanging back and letting people come to me. Part of that MAY be because of my dysphoria - i've always been like that.

Yes, I'm an introvert too. Sadly, since we live in an extroverted world, we're seen as something's wrong with us and must be "cured" (hmm... sounds familiar ). Some of my introversion might be from GID- I'm sure some is. But, I just may be introverted anyway no matter what. I try to not let it bother me too much.

[sneakersjay]

Nothing wrong with introverts.  I'm one, too!

I did find that transition took away my other social anxiety, and I enjoy socializing more.  I just am done after a few hours and want my peace and quiet back. 


Jay

[Myself]

I am introvert too, but when someone else makes the first move I can get pretty chatty. But that's about it.. if they don't make it I probably won't make it. GID or not, I can't talk when I am not comfortable.

[Arch]

And Arch - my therapist doesn't think my being trans has anything to do with my hormones.

I meant your parents, FF. You said they were looking for fixable reasons for your transness...my T levels came up so low that my ex was hinting around that instead of starting out at a male-appropriate dose, I should start at a female-appropriate dose and maybe that would "cure" me. Uh, no.