Having a hard time.

[Kellsie]

Today marks the seventh month since I have started HRT and I am really feeling as though I am going to slow.  I have had two electrolosys appointments and yet my wife feels as though I am going to fast.  I have been out to her for the better half of two years and I guess I just feel like I am alone up here in Northern Michigan.  I really would like to be able to meet others that are going through the same thing I am going through.  I do not know where to begin.  A part of me feels like I am dying inside yet alone.  If it were not for the fact that I had friends here I would hate to see where I would be.  For some reason I am just.....

[Pippa]

I know that feeling.   We all want to see rapid results and get frustrated when we fail to see significant change.   Transition takes time and without major cosmetic surgery you may never see your minds perfect image.   

I find it is best to take the reactions of someone who sees you less often.   You may be suprised at the changes they see.

Also, you are never going to see massive changes in seven months.   It take that long, if not longer to knock out the effects of T.

Transition changes relationships.   The relationship you have with your wife will change and it is probable that your wifes reaction is an attempt, either conciously or subconciously to delay any change.

Being patient is one of the hardest things with transition.   That is one of the main reasons we see therapists.   Would involving your wife with your gender therapist help?

[sylvie]

Hi Kellsie.  I know it is hard not seeing the changes.  Pippa brings up a valid point, give it time.  I've been on HRT for almost a year now, and I'm still having problems seeing the changes.  However, my friends and my family have remarked about the changes. 

As for meeting others.  Have you looked into a support group in Marquette or even Lancing?  You might even want to try this site:  http://www.transgendermichigan.org/  They might be able to help you meet up with others. 

Good luck, and remember you're not alone.

[K8]

Sometimes this seems like an awfully slow process.  I dithered and suppressed and wondered and puzzled for decades, but when I decided it was time I wanted it RIGHT NOW.  I told my doctor I wanted the fastest changes I could get safely, and it is taking a while.

It can be lonely if you live outside a metropolitan area.  I drive an hour and half each way once a month to a support group meeting.  That's one reason I've found this forum so helpful.  Do you have (cis-gendered) friends you can talk to about this?  Are you seeing a therapist?

Be patient.  All will come to she who waits.  (Or something like that. )

- Kate

[Kellsie]

I am seeing a therapist.  However my wife cannot go with me due to her work schedule.

[mickie88]

yep, Kellsie. i've been where you are and pretty much still there now. at least you  have a decent doc to prescribe the meds you need. i don't even have that after two years, and my ex is still trying to prevent me from making any changes.(it's a long story no one wants to hear because i'm drama) my ex would never go with me to my therapist either. she would have nothing of it, even though she said she would go. just more lies. in the end, she ending up cheating on me and leaving me for a mama's boy. i lost everything and everyone. i'm two years behind on my transition, because my doctor doesn't listen to a word i say, and i'm basically screwed in every other situation as well.

don't mean to be such a downer, maybe your wife will come around and see that you are still the same person, just a different form. my ex's problem was that she didn't want to be seen as a lesbian, and i never, ever once asked her to identify as one. better of luck to you!!