My wife woke me in the middle of the night last week, to say it was OK with her whether I identified as a boy or as a girl, because it was me she loved. So I sat down with her yesterday, and we read each posting in this thread together as her introduction to Susan's. Then she showed me the video of an interview, on one of the morning TV shows, of a woman whose husband left her saying he'd discovered he was gay. My wife identified with what the woman said about such things being damaging to a wife's self-image. And she wanted to be re-assured I did not plan to transition.
I am an active 70; she's 50; and we will have been married 23 years next month. I have 3 children and 3 grandchildren from another marriage, and we have one college-student daughter of our own. We have bonds of trust, openness, and shared goals/life outlooks that I've never had with another person. I'd never discussed my gender issues with another person, but did with her before we were married. I have never pretended to be macho, but have always presented as a male--willing to push gender boundaries.
We have worked out a number of lifestyle accommodations to our mutual satisfaction. I do the food shopping, cooking, and cleaning (though she does the bathrooms). We split the laundry and sewing. She is the breadwinner; my part-time job provides a very good healthcare package. When our daughter was younger, and my wife was away on business as many as 200 nights a year, I did a substantial share of the parenting. When we go out, we go in her car, and she drives. At restaurants, she orders and pays for our dinners, etc. My wife smiles when I wear certain of my clothes, for she knows it means I am feeling particularly "girly." These kinds of compromises get very little notice in the outside world, but let me be myself and somewhat sane.
Now, it is not that my dysphoria is greater or less than formerly, but there are opportunities to deal with it that never used to be accessible to me. Susan's is a big one. Gender therapy is another that I have begun to use. And low or intermittent levels of HRT may be in my near future. I think I can continue to present as a boundary-pushing male. I don't think I will need laser hair removal or surgeries: I may already be too old to be considered for SRS, anyway.
The women I knew over the years taught that life is about family, service (especially in the interests of peace and justice), and quiet sacrifice. I think I can follow their lead, and be happy along the way. I feel a common bond with those who have posted on this thread, and do hope we can keep it going as we search for answers in the coming months. It means so much to me, at least. May you and your families, each find peace, fulfillment, health, and happiness along your way.
S
