Not used to seeing my face in a male context yet

[Nero]

Hey guys and dolls,

I look more and more male everyday, especially since I have a beard now (as a result of a combination of being lazy plus wanting to see how far it would go and boy it has!).
Anyway, I'm going to shave, that was just an experiment  But aside from that, I'm not used to my face in a male context yet. I look in the mirror and judge the new face based on the old one and think damn I'm ugly now! Because of course if one were expecting the old female face, it is in comparison.
I like it; it is almost as exactly as I had always pictured it would be, but just not used to placing my face in a male context. For the first time, I no longer have a 'pretty' face and not sure what to make of it yet.

Anyone else? Did it take time to get used to your new face?

[LordKAT]

Nope. New face is only face since I hate mirrors.

[Ender]

I think I might be having the opposite problem.  I have a hard time seeing my face as male, because it really hasn't changed that much (it has changed some--a bit of fat loss, bigger nose). But... it doesn't look like the face of a 24-year-old male.  At all.  It doesn't really look like a female face, either.  It's just my face, not exceptionally different from how it's always been and kinda straddling the 'middle of the road'.  I guess I was expecting a more notable difference (facial hair, looking older and more distinctly male) by 1 year on T. 

But I can get where you're coming from.  I think growing facial hair would take some getting used to at first, along with the dramatic change in perception.

So... now that you're looking all male, can we see? 

[FairyGirl]

Soooo I can't wait to see that handsome mug Nero, beard and all! I remember there was a definite turning point when I finally looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. It felt really nice, and now she's all I ever see in there. Thankfully over time she's gotten a little softer around the edges

[sneakersjay]

I actually think I'm much better looking  male than I ever was F (well, when I was younger and skinnier I was a cute chick!  LOL).  Some days I look in the mirror and think, Damn, I'm hot!!  And other days I still see my F face peering out from behind the beard and think, who the f**k do you think you're fooling??

But mostly the former, esp. as the beard is starting to fill in a bit better.

Jay

[Arch]

You definitely need to shift your internal context. I'll bet other people would find you very handsome you if you posted a pic (hint, hint).

My context is not so much gender as age, although there's a definite intersection. See, part of me has been frozen at thirteen for over thirty years, and I feel as if, since I came out, I've been working my way through adolescence--not for the second time but for the first time. Now I feel much as I did when I was seventeen or eighteen, but with T and a new social role and a shameful past and hideously deformed genitals added in to complicate matters. Yet I am thirty years older than that. It's like some sort of freaking Twilight Zone episode, the "identity" kind that always pushes my buttons and weirds me out.

Frequently these days, I look in the mirror and don't see male or female. I just see old. If I had started transition just a couple of years earlier, I would have looked younger for longer, and maybe this disjunction wouldn't be as severe. Too late now. The funny thing is that most people still think I'm in my twenties or thirties. The guys in my gay men's group say I have a "baby face." Yeah, I do, but it's an OLD baby face.

Right now, I'm still about twenty pounds overweight--maybe more, since I've been re-gaining--and some of it is in my face. It's a little fuller than I like, a little too feminine, and I think that's gross. I want to look ANGULAR, like I did when I was a young adult. I want to look MALE. So I want more beard so I can cover up my ugly phiz.

Yeah. Easier to passively grow facial hair than to exercise and cut back on the comfort food. Unless, of course, the hair refuses to come in nicely.

[kyril]

My context is not so much gender as age, although there's a definite intersection. See, part of me has been frozen at thirteen for over thirty years, and I feel as if, since I came out, I've been working my way through adolescence--not for the second time but for the first time.

Wow, I so relate to this.

[Autumn]

Be sure to moisturize. I was sick for the past week and didn't wash my face, or moisturize... and I went from having 11s, to having 111111s as the fine lines came out. Eeergk.

I have the same problem. I went from being a very pretty guy, to... confused. Most days, I don't see anything girl at all. Other days, I see a pretty young girl (who is quickly becoming not so young...) staring back. A lot of people tell me that I'm attractive - and they certainly make their interest quite clear, but I just don't see it usuaully. I'll have a chain of days where my self-esteem gets really up, then I'll swear half my hairline fell out, my cheeks fell off, and someone will put some pictures of me up on facebook and I'll feel like a dog.

I think that, as we are always our worst, harshest critics, and the ones most accustomed to seeing ourselves in the mirror, we've got a lot of re-learning to do about ourselves. Most of my friends tell me that they just see me as a girl now, several of them have for quite some time as my coming out was a gradual thing. I can't see what they see.

I think it's the same way that a random person who just now meets me, hears my voice, sees my face, my build, my boobs - they're never going to randomly think I'm a guy (at least I hope they don't) and they're going to see me from a different perspective than someone who knew me before. I am one of those people from 'before' who can't see what everyone else sees.

The other thing is that I don't believe HRT has really changed my face that much. I already passed and confused people before I ever started hormones, so I'm starting to give up on a big dramatic difference. One person told me it's like I'm me, except a girl instead of a boy.

Best thing I can do for my appearance is smile, it brings my cheeks up and makes me look much more feminine. So, Nero, perhaps you should scowl or frown all the time. It'd be the manly thing to do, anyway.

[Janet_Girl]

Well it is hard for us to tell without a picture, but it took awhile for me to see the woman in the mirror.  As the years have went on she becomes a lot more noticeable.  And I am happy for the most part with my look.

Yes there are a few things that I want to change but for the most part I am happy with my looks now.

[Cindy]

Nero
Guys don't look at mirrors. When guys shave they just rub the knife blade across the boot leather a few times and hack in. If the beard feels dry rub a shot of vodka through.

Then go and pick up a dame and while you are massaging her boobs (unasked of course) you just tell her to stroke your chin, but tell her to be carfull as it will be rough on her hands.

OK time for another cold shower



Cindy

[rejennyrated]

Nero
Guys don't look at mirrors. When guys shave they just rub the knife blade across the boot leather a few times and hack in. If the beard feels dry rub a shot of vodka through.

Then go and pick up a dame and while you are massaging her boobs (unasked of course) you just tell her to stroke your chin, but tell her to be carfull as it will be rough on her hands.

OK time for another cold shower



Cindy

LMAO!

Did I tell you that I have always had a "thing" about men with beards Nero?

Since I was five years old and was rescued from drowning by a bearded nordic veritable God I've always been soft putty in their hands.

Alison knows that if I ever leave her it will almost certainly be for someone with a beard. My knees go weak and I just want to roll over on my back and let him tickle my tummy... etc!

Now I'm off for a cold shower with Cindy before things get totally out of hand!

Unless of course you want an instant online girlfriend - in which case just send me your pic... (but don't tell Ali )

[Jay]

Not really to be honest, some pictures I am surprised and how I look. But around 99.99999% I am not!

Jay

[Jeatyn]

I'm not even on T yet, but after years of trying so hard to be a hot girl with the makeup and the hair and the clothing - I look in the mirror and see myself now and think WOAH...PUT A BIT OF EYELINER ON OR SOMETHING YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN! Then I think oh wait, that's kind of the point

I've had a few times where people who still perceive me as female have seen me wearing shorts and I get really self conscious about my hairy legs, because if they're seeing me as a girl, I must look a mess with my legs unshaved. Social conditioning begone!

I've gone from being the hot chick who got loads of attention to either average looking boy at best or ugly dyke chick at worst it's an odd thing to get used to.

I'm pretty sure once I start T ( and get these bloody lumps removed so I don't have to wear clothes 4 sizes too big) I'll get my hotness back, in male form this time

Wow I sound so narcissistic

[Dana Lane]

Soooo I can't wait to see that handsome mug Nero, beard and all! I remember there was a definite turning point when I finally looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. It felt really nice, and now she's all I ever see in there. Thankfully over time she's gotten a little softer around the edges

I can't wait to get to the point you are at. Today I was feeling good about myself until a cashier at a CVS said thanks sir.

[shanetastic]

I can totally relate to that. No matter what you see in the mirror I always see my guy reflection back and can't see any changes and just thinknof myself as hopeless I guess.

I guess maybe it just takes time and confidence. Were already at odds for insecurities because you know we are transitioning and all.

At any note. I think a Nero beard photo would be awesome. Haha

[Jamie-o]

Now I'm off for a cold shower with Cindy before things get totally out of hand!

If you take that shower with Cindy, is it really going to have the effect you were looking for? 

Nero - I understand where you are coming from.  But I think I'm somewhere between you and Arch on this one.  when I look in the mirror I expect to see a teenage boy, because that's more or less what I feel like, and more or less what I looked like pre-T (at least in my mind).  Instead I just see a pudgy middle-aged man.  *sigh*  Well, I'm working on the pudgy bit. 

[rejennyrated]

If you take that shower with Cindy, is it really going to have the effect you were looking for? 

Ahh - yes... as I'm a self confessed bisexual probably not! But I'm still pining for a photo of the undoubtedly handsome and hirsute Nero

[Teknoir]

Interesting thread.

Whenever I've looked in the mirror I've always expected a man looking back - even when I was a kid. The closer to that I get, the more comfortable in my skin I get, the better looking I think I am getting.

... at least until I catch myself in the wrong lighting or wrong angle and see all the crap that's yet to change 


I wonder if people that were considered "hot" when living as the opposite gender have a slightly higher chance of needing to make a mental context shift... or something?

[Arch]

I wonder if people that were considered "hot" when living as the opposite gender have a slightly higher chance of needing to make a mental context shift... or something?

I wonder this, too, actually. I was hoping that since I was very plain-looking, I might have an easier time "passing." People did start reading me consistently in about five months. I never got another ma'am after that except, weirdly, once on the phone several months later. I thought he was saying, "man" and only later realized that he must have been saying "ma'am."

I remember an avatar pic of Nero's, his real picture. I thought of him as male, so I never really thought about whether he was good-looking as a girl! But what really got me were the eyes. Lady-killer eyes...I'm thinking that he's going to have women swooning when he looks at them...

[icontact]

I also vouch for a photo.

I cannot say much about my personal experiences, as I am not on T and my face has matured as it would have, transition or no. It's always been a very androgynous face and I've always loved it that way. I am very satisfied with my face. Everything else, not so much, but better than nothing, aye?