Resigned to it

[Sarah_Faith]

This has been my whole life. Anytime before this I though about letting people know, I had the double in my mind that I could work through it somehow or that it was a matter of thinking but its really really not.

I've been really lucky in the last few months to meet a great friend from this site that just so happened to see the same therapist as me. I have to say, knowing her has done soo much for me. Being able to talk about this stuff with someone who is in the same position and much further than me in transition and I can actually meet up with has been fantastic! So back to my reason for this post.

I can't avoid this. I cant work through it. I can't go on ignoring it. I can't pretent it doesn't crush me everyday. I can't go on with every moment and every thought being manipulated and shaped by my inability to be me. Just me. I'm resigned to the fact that for whatever reason, I'm stuck being transgendered.

I need to have the support of the people who matter to me, to let me feel natural around them. I'm not trying to be someone else, I just want to relax and be me. I have parents, friends, a girlfriend and all her extended family. I can't live like this. I'm also at an age (24) where I really want to get things in gear. I just want to be me.

I'm not actually really looking for any advice here really, as I know what has to be done and thanks to my friend I've a good idea how to go about it. Even though it's horrible and I'm absolutely sh***ing it more than I ever have about anything.

I'm just here to vent and share some common thoughs and feelings. Any views, please, let me know

[K8]

Self-acceptance is one of the key steps to being a complete person.  If you can accept yourself - your good parts and your bad parts, your advantages and disadvantages, what you might be able to change and what you cannot - you can move forward to work toward being the person you want to be. 

It sounds like you are well on your way in this step toward becoming whole.  Good for you!

- Kate

[elementalincognitus]

im sortof where you are sarah, a few close freinds know and so does my gf... but as far as everyone else?!?!?! yeah, idk how to begin telling them, but i feel like its an inevitability, so regardless of how it happens, how it goes, it will go...... i just cant picture them knowing, you know? like i cant see that alternate universe....  but it is... yeah, people are gonna be surprised, hurt, whatever they say.... its temporary right? 

i just think that we have to keep reminding ourselves that its our life, and we have to live with it.  regardless of how shocked or upset it makes people, they arent the ones who have to live with it day after day forever.  eventually things will regain some semblance of normalcy in our relationships, and the sooner we get this out there, the sooner things can be heading back to normal...

[Sarah_Faith]

If I may ask elementalincognitus, how did your gf react and how are things now?

[elementalincognitus]

well she was a little sad about having to give up a typical life... i mean, im just not the person who is going to give her those things.  she wants to accept it, and we are going to take it as it comes.  we have actually gotten alot closer and talk alot more lately, because now she understands that wall i always had up around me and alot more of me makes sense now.  I think the hardest thing is getting her to realize that she needs to let go of me as a male image and embrace me as a female one.  in the beginning, she was saying alot of things like "oh, dont get too skinny, i dont like skinny guys" and like "i like your guy body, idk why you dont like it- its nice"  now though, shes starting to understand that the body isnt me, and that to be a real person i need to see myself when i look in the mirror....

im 99 percent sure this is her post from right when i told her: it sounds a little dramatic, and there are parts of what i told her that she seemed to misinterpret at the time- which now im sure she has a better understanding of...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,72883.0.html

[Rock_chick]

I'm right at the start of my journey as well...but like you said it's good to know you have a at least a few people around who understand you.

It's scary but at the same time telling people and having them accept me for who I am is awesome.