My Mother

[JessieMH]

So I came out to her on Friday in a letter, I don't live with her (Parents split years ago, they were always friendly, father doesn't know.) and we rarely see each other in person so it seemed like the best way.

She called the next morning and seemed... rather cold, apparently supportive but distant.  I'm not sure if it was just the fact that the first time we talked about this it was over the phone or if she might be treating it like some sort of science experiment

Talked her into going out to dinner with me tonight so I'll report back then.  Just odd that even over the phone she seemed completely void of emotion, very out of character of her.

[Lachlann]

She's probably in shock. Give it time.

[K8]

Yes.  You've had a lot longer to think about this than she has. 

I hope your dinner goes well.

- Kate

[JessieMH]

Well after having dinner it did seem like shes in shock over this still.  Supportive (even said she'll help me find a therapist ) but somewhat distant, I can see why though.  Guess it went well all things considered.  Both my parents are highly liberal so I don't have to worry about being completely disowned I guess...

Good to finally tell someone I actually care about, until now its been nothing but close friends who don't care or already thought I was gay.

[LordKAT]

It may help her if can get her one or 2 of those books everyone talks about. Just an idea. The other is that in helping you find a therapist, she may realize that its not as rare as she may currently believe.

[K8]

I agree with LordKAT.  I bought several copies of "True Selves" and passed them out to my relatives.  My family is liberal, so they knew they should accept me being transsexual, but they still have had a hard time making the adjustment. 

Give your mother time and be gentle with her.  It sounds like her heart is in the right place.

- Kate

[JessieMH]

So little update...

Now that she seems to have accepted it some issues have come up.

A couple years after I was born my mother was pregnant twice, both girls, both late term miscarriages.

Now she seems... how do I put this... over supportive?  Shes almost pushing me to transition when I really don't feel ready for it myself.  I've tried telling her this but she just seemed to nod and "I understand" (cookie if you get the quote )  Maybe she sees this as her "second chance" for a daughter?

Shes going to be calling the major gender center on the mainland (Yes I live on an island ) this weekend to try and find some therapists in this area and I simply don't think I want to start yet, besides just not being ready my other health issues (weight, genetic liver issues some other stuff) are things that I feel would prevent me from going on with this.

Anyone have any exp. with an over supportive family member?  I really feel I need to do this at my own pace and I don't think she gets that.  God this must sound like a dream come true for some of you guys & gals huh?

PS thanks for the book recommendation K8, was a great read, passed it over to my mother at lunch yesterday.

[K8]

Well, Jessie, you are in an unusual situation, as you are well aware.  I don't know what to tell you about dealing with your mother, but you have to do this at your own pace.

(This may not apply, but when I was in college my mother was after me to get married.  To me it seemed like she was constantly at me about it, although I'm sure she wasn't.  Finally, I had to just say: "Mom, don't rush me into this.  Your pressure is making me slow down just to resist you."  She was careful not to mention it again.)

If you aren't ready to talk to a therapist, you aren't ready.  But talking to a therapist can help you sort things out - including how to deal with your mother.

Good luck.  And you're right - there are many here who would love to have your problem.

- Kate