What would I call myself? Help?

[rexgsd]

Well, one thing that is bothering me a lot is that I don't even know what I could call myself. It is hard for me to say it, but for the sake of this topic I will say it, I was born a female, so technically I am female right now, or atleast I am 'supposed' to be. But I know I am really male on the inside. But as a male, I feel like I like to dress female sometimes, I suppose you'd say a crossdresser. So i supposed I am a crossdressing transexual? I dont even really know how what to ask, its confusing. My biggest desire would be to be male, as in legally and having male genitals and no female parts, up or down, but to somewhat keep the rest the same (because it would help achieve the girly look I like as a crossdressing male. i.e. full lips, soft features)

Mostly I think it will be harder to try and pass as male since a:i still have a female body and b:i like to dress female (and not because i am 'used' to it since i was born female. i actually wore lots of boyish stuff growing up). really, i want everything to be how it is now, since i dress female, but to have my male parts. This is probably hard to understand cause its hard for me to really explain. The closest I could do would be to bind my top and stuff my bottom, but would people think i am female? but then again, wouldnt I want them to think i am female since i am crossdressing as a male? it is all very confusing and i dont even know what to think. sorry for being confusing but i guess i want to try and get some insight, maybe from some people that are in the same situation that could help me understand.

i dont even know what to call myself or how to feel, nevermind even start to fix things. and sorry if this is in the wrong forum/board.

[Lachlann]

There's actually quite a few FTMs on this forum that like the idea of cross dressing or dressing female. Clothes are just clothes, if you want to have male parts and currently have a female body then I'd be inclined to think you're transsexual on that basis. Or who knows, maybe you're androgynous.

Either way you can be transsexual while being androgynous or a cross dresser.

[Barbara]

Being a dude is no picnic,let me tell you.the constant sexual tension.If you act a little femme they label you as gay.So they will get drunk and try to stick it in your a...Not that i don't like it but they have no emotion.I want to be held and kissed.I need some kind of emotional response from a man ,not just a grunt

[rejennyrated]

Finding a name...

Well I say down with my mum at aged five and we chose together. First she told me what she would have called me if I had been a girl. I have three names and my surname. The middle two are the ones she would have chosen. The first is my own suggestion because she was originally going to call me Georgina and I didn't care for that... so Jenny was after my my second cousin Jennifer and I suggested that I "borrow" her name and shorten it, to which my mother agreed. So that's what I've been unofficially since about five years old, and then when I was older and had to change it legally it just kind of felt right and familiar so I stuck with it.

As an adult maybe you aren't in a position to involve your family in that sort of way... in which case can I suggest you sit down and think of all the boy names that you like? Then perhaps you could make a list of them and meditate for a while? Finally you could then choose the one which "feels" most right.

I hope that helps - don't worry. Choosing a name for yourself is a rare privilege. It can be a lot of fun too.

EDIT

Then again - re-reading your post after I had written the first version of this reply I get the inferrence that you are talking about a "label" rather than a name... and that of course is a different issue. Labels are only important for those who insist on categorising everything.

I really wouldn't worry too much about what category you fit into - just be happy doing what ever you choose to do about it. A lot of us exist on the boundary of several different categories.

I think of myself as a human being on the whole - because working out the mess of Trans, Instersex, Andogyne, woman, man, girl, boy, mother, son, daughter, bisexual... all of which have some level of validity when applied to me just becomes way too complicated and frankly I can't be bothered.

I get myself - my friends get me - people I meet get me. Some of them have differing perceptions about me - but who cares as long as we all rub along ok!

[rexgsd]

Thank you all for the help and responses. I think I understand more now, so thanks.  and Jenny, dont worry ill need to figure out the name thing too anyways. My parents were going to call me 'Max', like Mad Max. i like that name, but once I really need the name ill do that, writing down a list. for now i sort of go by 'Rex' on forums and such, even though it sounds really fake

[Dianna]

Rex sounds fine to me. 

Off to bed now, it's 2 in the morning here.  Good night all. 

[LordKAT]

Res,
This has been stated in the past but the social security list of names is a cool place to look too.

[spacial]

Something which reflects how you feel.

Perhaps you can think about different male characters, actors, musicians and so on, trying to imagine if you see yourself in that mold.

Personally, I know what my name is. I don't remember ever picking it, or where it came from. It's just part of the real me that stuck inside. Been that way since I was very little.

On the net, of course, I always use a screen name, mostly Spacial. When I get to know people well I tell them.

Sadly, on here there 11 members who uses my name as their screen name. So I stick with something that's unique.

[Adio]

I'm ftm and crossdress (wear skirts, panties while binding and packing) occasionally.  I am male despite the parts I was born with or how I dress.  So I say it depends on how you feel inside.  That's what gender is all about.

[rexgsd]

i am glad to hear there are others like me then. I mean, i know there are others but it doesnt seem like it until i actually hear from them ^ ^
And yeah, things are a lot less confusing and feel more 'real' when i do just that, bind and pack while wearing panties/feminine clothing (which i do only on occaision, very late at night, locked in my room, sometimes under the covers too, for short periods of time o _ o if my mother/her husband ever found out, id be dead)

[Adio]

Yeah, I know what you mean.  I felt like I was the only one until I came here and met a couple others who do the same thing.  I also only dress in my room when I know I won't be found out.  It would definitely confuse the hell out of my mom if she saw me like that lol

[rexgsd]

haha, yeah, i always try to think of an excuse in case she did, but havent thought of any yet X3

[kyril]

I'm not really far enough along in transition for that to feel fun yet, but...I do love a nice sparkly evening gown I'll probably do a little amateur drag when I'm comfortable enough with my body to do it. And I refuse to care what anyone else thinks about it.

And I still wear panties under my boxers. They protect the delicate parts. So shoot me

[Meshi]

Perhaps you are a mix of both.  There is no reason y one has to consider themselves a certain sex, if they arent.  I was always female inside and intersexed, so i knew early on what sex i was, but i dont doubt that their are ppl just like u out there.  I dont think the term TG really reflects your feelings, because your feelin is both female/male.

[rejennyrated]

Well - for the record... and this is something which I very rarely confess! So don't miss it cos I certainly ain't saying it twice...

Though I have an intersex MtF past, for the last 26 years since GRS I have regarded myself as unambiguously female and have absolutely no desire to be anything else...

BUT 

I will confess that I have occassionally gone out postop cross dressed as a male and I've even bound myself once or twice. OUCH! how do you do that? (F / G Cup natural no silicone bust here - and binding it was pure agony.) I also have an STP - although that's actually for purely practical reasons for when I'm hiking...

In my case the crossdressing is/was just a bit of fun, my little joke on the world, kind of thumbing my nose at expectation.

If I'm honest I think I originally did it mainly to lay the ghost of the trauma I felt at originally being male(ish). Kind of like confronting your worst fears and mastering them by proving that you can conquer them. Somehow appearing as a man in public and knowing that I am still actually physically female underneath is a strange form of therapy for me and if anything made me feel even more secure in my true gender.

I guess that concept would work in reverse for a postop FtM too.

I do it in a very light hearted way, for example on an evening out with my uni friends, and I have a lot of fun!  But I do understand perfectly how you might feel... So no you aren't alone, an NO it doesn't necessarily mean you are "a bit of both" or any less genuine as a male (or indeed a female in my case).

Although no doubt most of the MtF's on here now think I'm totally weird  - ah well can't be helped!

[Adio]

Thanks for sharing, Jenny.  I really needed to hear that.  Especially the no about the "bit of both" part.  I know that, but coming from you, I feel like it really means something.

[spacial]

Quite frankly Jenny, I don't see why anyone should be in any way perturbed by a woman going out, appearing as a man.

That is one of my biggest bug bears to be honest. You women can do pretty much as you please. All I have to do is sneeze loudly and someone will be asking if I'm gay.

I am, of course, but experience has shown me that if I tell too many people I get endlessly lined up with gay guys on the assumption that I'll sleep with anyone.

Since I've been married for almost 30 years, I am well aware of how private you women like to keep some aspects of your lives. So I understand, from that perspective, when you say you won't be repeating it. But since you women have almost total freedom I'm not going to be surprised when you use it. 

[rejennyrated]

Thanks for sharing, Jenny.  I really needed to hear that.  Especially the no about the "bit of both" part.  I know that, but coming from you, I feel like it really means something.

Glad it was of some help to someone... In a very real sense I believe that people too often confuse appearance and freedom of visual self expression with substance... In substance I am and will remain female however I choose to dress, just as you remain male. Clothes are just window dressing. Changing them does not necessarily have to express a change the underlying reality unless you want it to.

Quite frankly Jenny, I don't see why anyone should be in any way perturbed by a woman going out, appearing as a man.

That is one of my biggest bug bears to be honest. You women can do pretty much as you please. All I have to do is sneeze loudly and someone will be asking if I'm gay.

I am, of course, but experience has shown me that if I tell too many people I get endlessly lined up with gay guys on the assumption that I'll sleep with anyone.

Since I've been married for almost 30 years, I am well aware of how private you women like to keep some aspects of your lives. So I understand, from that perspective, when you say you won't be repeating it. But since you women have almost total freedom I'm not going to be surprised when you use it. 

Fair point. I agree it is rather unfair, but happily, watching the behaviour of some of the men in my university group, who are in their twenties, things do seem to be slowly improving, at least for the younger generation.