So. Until yesterday, the only people to whom I was out were my wife & kids, my former sangha teacher and the pastor of my church. Topical drift in a conversation with my boss (B____) and a coworker (S____) led to a discussion of a place called AsiaSF and the transfolks who work there. That led to me sending the following to my boss.
B_____,
There's no way you could have known, as I have not discussed this topic with anyone here at 'The Company', but the comments you and S_____ made regarding AsiaSF are technically in violation of the "Policy Against Harassment" according to the "conduct prohibited" on page __ of the Employee Handbook.
Despite outward appearances, I am a person of ambiguous gender identity. I am friends with many transgender and transsexual persons, as well.
I doubt anyone but M_____ has noticed, but there have been days when I've come to work dressed entirely in women's clothing. It was subtle, to be sure, but it has happened.
According to page __ of the Employee Handbook, I could report this to human resources. But, that would be unfair to you and S_____ as neither of you are aware of my identity.
At this point in my life, I am uncertain if, how, or when I might transition from male to female, but it is something I do think about a great deal. I can tell you it is quite likely that in the next year or two I plan to legally change my name to something more unisex. It's not easy being uncomfortable in one's own body.
I have not yet sought a gender therapist, but I might be doing so at some point. I hope that should such a transition come to pass, 'The Company' will be a safe and tolerant workplace for me.
Again: you had no way to know. I harbor no ill will towards you and S_____ for your comments this time. Perhaps I should mention this to her as well. I hesitate to do so due other social-issue conversations we've had in the past.
On the up-side, AsiaSF sounds like a place I'd like to visit. So, I really owe you and S_____ thanks for your comments, too.
When I came in this morning, we had a brief meeting, he and I. I think it's safe to say there was a misunderstanding. I won't be reporting anything to HR; the comments were not intended to be demeaning, it seems.
So, it's a small step, but it's another step I've taken.
