I've been around TG/TS people since I was 16, including my ex whom I was with for 3 1/2 years (from 16-19ish.) I've... always known I was transexual, since way before puberty in all honesty. Anyway, my entire life I convinced myself I couldn't do it, because mainly of my height and build. I'm 6'6" and really wide chested, which just doesn't lend into a passable figure at all. I convinced myself I couldn't despite giving advice to others to just go for it, among other things... I convinced myself forever and honestly it hurt me.
I know for a fact, going on this journey myself that I may never fully pass. While that does suck, it is what it is. Reality sucks, I wish I were born a girl, or rather I feel I was but I can't change that. What I -can- change is my presentation, even if I don't pass, I will get as damn close as possible to passing for myself... I know it's the best I can do- It goes along with the promise I made myself a year ago, telling myself "If I just get a little better everyday, one small thing at a time it will work out."
There is a point I passed when I started this only a few months ago, and that was truly accepting myself for me. Rather, knowing I was transexual already, I had to accept the fact I might not pass, but regardless I still am expressing myself, being myself, staying true to myself and my integrity.
I think the reason I'm writing this all tonight, is just to say that to anyone out there with low self esteem on the matter, and also in comfort to myself and as a reminder of these feelings... Keep going, don't worry! Wherever you are on this mountain climb right now, you're probably not at the top. You won't ever know until the end, and even so at the end in some way you will be happier regardless. Is passing important? To me, yes. Is it 100% of being transexual? To me, no- Expressing myself, and being taken for my true self is. People WILL look down on me, if I don't pass... But that's something in the end you just have to throw to the wind and do your best to live through.
Take care everyone out there! ^.^
