Family matters.

[brainiac]

So, I have a few months before I graduate and move back home with my parents for a year.

I don't have enough money saved up to live on my own--the point of this is to work and hopefully save up something for graduate school. The thing is, I'm at the stage where I haven't come out yet to anyone but my therapist and boyfriend. My therapist has strongly recommended deciding beforehand if I'm going to come out to my family while living at home. But... the options are hard, as they usually are when involving coming out.

My family is composed of the type of liberals who vote for same-sex marriage but are actually uncomfortable around gay people in person. And they don't "believe in" bisexuality. I don't know if anything has changed since then, but when I was younger I came out to them as bi, and they laughed at me and told me I was either faking it/in a phase, or a lesbian. They laughed harder when I got upset.

So... if they're as binary-minded about ->-bleeped-<-, then if I tell them I'm trans, I feel like they'll either laugh it off again or not believe anything but that I want a full FTM transition. Right now, I feel like I'm not necessarily going to need HRT or SRS, even if I change my gender presentation a lot. I don't think they would kick me out of the house, but I can see living there becoming unbearable because of their discomfort or uncertainty.

And my little sister... She's 17, and she's always bought what my parents told her. Relatively recently, I mentioned I was bi to her, and she laughed it off and said I wasn't. Just straight-up denial.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I should be grateful that my parents aren't fundamentalists, but I can't see past my fears-- I just see pain, discomfort, and misunderstanding. But not coming out would mean a halt and possibly reversal of all the progress I've made in gender presentation and dysphoria...

Any advice?

[Hikari]

Well, not knowing your parents personally I cannot say exactly how they would react to things but, it seems that they have a problem taking you seriously.

You could demand to be taken seriously, and then tell them.

You could always tell them (and even provide examples) that they should be happy to take you seriously now since many people hurt themselves to get people to realise how big of a problem being TG is. Being the loving, great caring people they are, surely they wouldn't suggest you hurt yourself to get their attention.

If they are 'guilty' liberals as you say, then I would think the only thing worse than thinking their own child is different, is the scandal of you doing something bad that might make the neighbours talk even more. I am not actually suggesting doing anything bad harmful just, let them know that being TG is that serious. If they are liberals then there is a lot of hope in making them understand so long as they understand the severity of the issue,

I hope this helps, I am struggling with coming out to people myself, so I am by no means an expert on the issue. You are not alone, I understand the fear all too well.

[cynthialee]

So they don't believe that bi exists...?
lol
I am pansexual I bet that would really twist thier mellons.

[brainiac]

Well, not knowing your parents personally I cannot say exactly how they would react to things but, it seems that they have a problem taking you seriously.

Yeah, I'm hoping that since I'm much older and much more mature, they might actually take me seriously. And, well, I used to hurt myself--cutting--when I was younger, and that hurt them a lot. I stopped after treatment and it finally sank in that I was really hurting them too. I don't think I could bring that up.
It helps to know that other people are going through this too.

So they don't believe that bi exists...?
lol
I am pansexual I bet that would really twist thier mellons.

I'm pansexual too. There's a reason I'm not going to come out to them about that...

Pretty sure if they actually take me seriously as trans, they'll think but be too uncomfortable to say, "So you're GAY?!"

[brainiac]

UPDATE:

So I told one of my close friends. I had to tell him online (since we're in separate countries right now), and the conversation was awkward at first, but he did understand what I meant, and he was very supportive. He told me he was surprised at first, but once I explained it, he thought it made total sense. He didn't treat it like I was becoming a different person or like it was a mental illness, he didn't reject me, and he didn't make me feel like a freak. He went out of his way to make me feel normal and accepted, and wanted to offer his support.

All in all, the best possible outcome.

[no_id]

UPDATE:

So I told one of my close friends. I had to tell him online (since we're in separate countries right now), and the conversation was awkward at first, but he did understand what I meant, and he was very supportive. He told me he was surprised at first, but once I explained it, he thought it made total sense. He didn't treat it like I was becoming a different person or like it was a mental illness, he didn't reject me, and he didn't make me feel like a freak. He went out of his way to make me feel normal and accepted, and wanted to offer his support.

All in all, the best possible outcome.

One down, few to go.
Good to hear it went well. Perhaps it will also make the next coming out a bit less awkward since you now know what makes sense to someone else and what makes them 'err'. Although, evidentially, they'll always 'uhm' in the end.

[cynthialee]

YAY Brainiac! Good news rocks.

[brainiac]

Thanks so much. In fact, I felt like I was on a roll so a couple of hours ago, I came out to my roommate and he responded really positively. He acted like it wasn't a big deal at all, and it was just a part of the conversation. It feels so surreal, finally coming out--and to two people in 24 hours!

[JessieMH]

Congrats!  Hope it goes well with your family when you decide to tell them.