Am I stupid?

[kisschittybangbang]

So, on friday, I'm heading to miami.

with/for an FTM guy

Cus he wants to show me the ocean.

Really sweet.

Crazy Romantic.

I think I'm in over my head.

I'm really afraid the same ->-bleeped-<- that went down with my ex is inevitable.

Should I even try with this guy??

[cynthialee]

Why should you and why shouldn't you?
And do you want love and a relationship? If so you have to put yourself out there at some point.
You sound like you are definatly still hurting from a past relationship. I can empathize with that. I am past my first divorce by 10 years and remaried and yet still feel the pain. It does get better but it never goes away.

[kisschittybangbang]

Idk. It's alot of fear. Like. I know what went down with my ex and I completely lost myself. I'm afraid of that happening again. They both are freaky similar, but different still. I'm just unsure if I could handle that again.

[cynthialee]

How would you go about preventing a repete of the last relationships paterns?
You definatly are conflicted about this. Have you spoken with a clergy member or a counsiler?

[tekla]

Enjoy the beach, everything else is a bonus.

[Arch]

What happened with your ex?

If you're worried that it won't work or you're afraid of getting hurt, then why try with anyone at all, trans or otherwise? If you like him, go for it.

[kisschittybangbang]

I have no idea what would prevent the previous events from happening. I'm a different person this time around for sure. I can't really talk to people in the area about it without outting him. Honestly... it's the fear of anger and being walled off again. I get a transition is a personal thing but the secrets just kept building up and distances grew and my ex's anger towards me just escalated to borderline abusive.... I'm just scared ya know?

I wanna try, because I DO like him. I know I can handle it... I guess I'm just afraid to take that step.

@telka: hahahahaha I know right? I leave today... Freaking amazing.

[tekla]

If you've never seen it, it's amazing, beautiful, awe inspiring.  I see it a couple times a week, and it's still like that.

[Autumn]

Not all trannies are emotionally disturbed. Like, only 50% of the posters here for example.

You've been through the hard part. You're already versed in transition. So you should be able to tell if he's stable or in a good place, or if he's just not ready for a relationship.

[kisschittybangbang]

So I'm back. The ocean really was awe-inspiring. I loved every second of the waves.

So much happened between him and I and honestly, I've no idea where we are going. He's supposedly transferring to my college, but a recent conversation with his ex has my belief in him wavering.

Very confusing. IDK what else to say. I don't regret it but kind of do. Who knows. The stereotypical "one that got away" I suppose.

[Arch]

Maybe he will transfer. You never know.

[StaceyBean]

Ive noticed myself slipping into what you mentioned in losing oneself..and like idk how to prevent it, but my outlook is to take one day at a time and remember who I am and who he is, OUTSIDE of transition.

and I hope all goes well with this new boy if not...there's someone even better

[Lachlann]

I have no idea what would prevent the previous events from happening. I'm a different person this time around for sure. I can't really talk to people in the area about it without outting him. Honestly... it's the fear of anger and being walled off again. I get a transition is a personal thing but the secrets just kept building up and distances grew and my ex's anger towards me just escalated to borderline abusive.... I'm just scared ya know?

I wanna try, because I DO like him. I know I can handle it... I guess I'm just afraid to take that step.

@telka: hahahahaha I know right? I leave today... Freaking amazing.

OK, I will admit I've been where your ex is and I think it really is a phase for some. I'm not much of a liar, at least to other people, I'm actually quite brutally honest... but keeping secrets and lying to myself? I've been there. Sometimes it's hard to just be truthful with yourself especially if you feel shame. Anger happens, things that you know aren't right happens, etc...

But then you get passed that part. And some people really aren't ready to be open in a serious relationship. I've made my mistake, I'm moving on from it.

But it is good you had a good time. But you can't be afraid of this stuff, you just gotta know when the BS is about to go down before you get in too deep. And the thing is, you're gonna get this stuff with cisgender males because everyone has their skeletons in the closet and not everyone knows how to deal.

[tekla]

True that, but why even bother putting up with people who might not know, or are still figuring out, 'how to deal.'  Fact of the matter is, lots of guys, TS and other, know very well how to deal, and tend to be better for it.  More fun, less drama, more life and less sitting around wondering what to do.  It's not a matter of age, its a matter of maturity, which some have at 15 and others are not even close at 55.

Remember, life is what is happening while other people are sitting around making plans, or trying to figure out what to do.

[kisschittybangbang]

>.> Well cisgender males aren't my preferred sex. I generally prefer female, but consider myself sexually fluid. It's just that one bad experiance relaly got to me. I've not talked to that ex in forever. I don't really plan to. Hell I don't even know if he's still in my area anymore. (Still love the ->-bleeped-<-, would help him if he ever needed it, but I have NO DESIRE to be in his life)

As for this new guy. He gave me quite a scare. I do believe I'm a little deep in this. I have no idea where we're going, but he's so very addictive it's sinful. I do believe time will tell all. I just hate the wait. (In all honesty, because of his ex doing what she did, I almost kicked his arse to the curb. I suppose that was a bad move on my part.)

@StaceyBean. Don't think that those little self reminders are all it takes. Take a weekend tio yoiurself. Do something you love WITHOUT them and enjoy it! See old friends. Call your mom. Do things he hates doing that you adore and cant normally do. Rechrage your battery. It's mandatory in my opinion.

[Lachlann]

>.> Well cisgender males aren't my preferred sex.

The point is, cisgender people, male or female do this stuff too.

[Myself]

I saw you said that this transition thing is personal stuff and you can't ask him without outting him.

What does it mean?

Personally, I could never date a guy who isn't open with me. If something is hard for him, I am there to listen, if he won't share me, what does it mean about how he feels about me?

I you accepted him for who he is and still takes the journey alone, maybe he didn't accept you?

If a guy wasn't open with me, I wouldn't be going on a date with him. He's probably not the guy for me and that's not just because it's the big bad "transition". Quite the opposite, if you are already with someone who knows about you, accepts you and loves you then why be afraid to share you feelings? It should be exciting!

[kisschittybangbang]

It's not that I can't ask HIM. It's talking to other people about it would out him and I'm not comfortable overstepping that personal boundry.

Honestly, this new guy has been OVERLY honest with me. It's a little upsetting and some factors are just out of my control. It was a rough ride and I feel like I'm more his mother or shrink than anything else. That's not my cup of tea thankyaverymuch.

The big bad "transition" is NOT what scares me.