Hopeful, but Baffled.

[Nyctophile]

Hello again everyone. Since the last time I was on here, I've come out to quite a few people (as genderqueer, since it's more self-explanatory), started binding, and got my lip pierced.

The best part of all this? Every single person I've come out to has been completely fine with it. The people are my parents, my therapist, my lover, some of my friends, and a local trans* and gender-variant support group. Doesn't that just make you so hopeful and happy? It totally makes me feel hopeful and happy.

To be clear, I live in a liberal city of a liberal country, and I hang out with some of the most liberal people here. But even my over-cautious mother was completely fine with it.

On the other side, I've been binding at school for the past week or so, and no one's said anything. I'm a bit baffled about it. Are they not noticing? It is change-blindness? Are they so used to me being weird they don't really care? Are they scared of me? I'm not under the impression that my unreasonably large breasts went unnoticed until now. It's a proper underworks binder, too, so it's doing what it should be. Has this happened to anyone else? I know I live in good old polite Canada, but seriously, bullying still exists. I don't get this.

[cynthialee]

Not very many people wil say anything if they notice it looks like your boobs are smaler. That would mean they have to talk about your breasts and ask you personal questions. Not very many are willing to do that.
oh and while we are here...Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Pica Pica]

It is also very possible that they have noticed a change but can't put a finger on what it is.

[Nyctophile]

"Not very many people will say anything if they notice it looks like your boobs are smaller." This I'm not really disputing, but then again, there are some pretty rude people in most schools... As for asking personal questions, it seems like a lot of people are willing to ask a lot of personal questions, without even realizing how rude they're being.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." While I don't particularly want to go back to being bullied constantly, I just feel like I'm not being recognized for what I am. Never in my life have I been mistaken for a guy. I'm still accepted unquestioningly as a girl, despite that I now wear boys' clothes nearly every day, bind, and have quite short hair. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining, but it just feels like my gender expression has been erased.

[Sevan]

Everyone in my life that I came out to as androgyn was totally ok with it. Shrugged it off even. Seemed to see it as...a non "thing" (which bothered me greatly) UNTIL I started T. Then there was a sudden...explosion of sorts. Though even still I've got someone in my life (my sister) who still says "So what. It's not like your gonna get a penis surgery or anything..."

Can we all say...GRRRR!?! Yea. Frustrating. Unless your in the extremes (MtF or FtM) people seem (IMHO) to just see you as "birth gender albiet a little weird"....

Maybe I'm being rather...pesamistic (probably..) but it's how I feel at the moment. There's also the worry that this is a phase, especially as your still a teen and trying things out is part of being a teen. Wait them out, keep being you, and see if issue or disussion or deeper acceptance starts to crop up. *huggles muggles*

[Nyctophile]

PicaPica: That's possible, too. I also got my lip pierced, so maybe they think that's all it is...

phx_rising: I'm really happy that everyone is okay with it. It means that there is less to explain and whatnot: I can just be myself. I really don't plan to start T. As much as I'd like to have slightly less feminine features and a deeper voice, I don't really want coarser hair (or another puberty.) Then again, there's no telling what the future holds.

Yeah. I've always been weird, too, so I guess to them this is just one more thing. And they're already so used to be as a girl, that I doubt it will change.

No one has told me it's "just a phase," so that's good. (It will probably happen when I come out to the people I'm not as close to, but whatever.)

I'll probably move away for university, so hopefully by then I'll look as androgynous as I feel, so people will get to know me as a genderqueer person from the get-go. That should help. And even if I don't move away, I'll still be meeting a lot of new people.

[no_id]

Yeah I'm with others here; Ag come out's aren't much of an explosion. Unless of course you do something 'radical' or 'unfitting'. Folk don't feel like they got a cake tossed in their face, just some whipcream on the nose really.

As for unnoticed binding... Nope they don't really notice, and if they do they'll figuren it's aways been that way. Funky huh?

[Kinkly]

I'm my experience Teenagers only comment on changes if they are intending to be nasty (I had a hellish school life all those many years ago)
maybe you need to do something over the top if you really want comments. costume moustache or a name tag with "Mr [Your preferred Name]" or a big sign around your Neck "Not a Girl" or "ask about my gender"
I recommend that you don't do any of this just. saying people see what they expect to see unless there is obvious changes If someone knew you as having big breasts and that was your defining attribute for them then they may notice but plenty of girls are fairly flat not many may notice that you have shrunk because it doesn't play a large role in who you are for them.
 

[Nyctophile]

no_id: For a lot of people, I really didn't think it would be a huge ordeal, but I must admit I was expecting a bit more than what actually happened, if only confusion. It is a good thing though: it really shows that people are pretty open-minded if you give them a chance.

Kinkly: Certainly, most people only comment if they're trying to be mean. But I kind of figured people would do it anyways. They didn't exactly like me before... For sure people have noticed when I've worn low-cut shirts in the past. It's still a good thing, when all's said and done, it's just not really what I was expecting.

[Vyn]

That sounds quite awesome.  Supportive people and changes to better express yourself that is.

As for people not noticing, perhaps people these days don't pay as much attention to others as we think they do?  If this is the case, I am quite happy about that.  Compared to transgender transition, visible androgyne change isn't a big shocker to people as a full binary gender switch would be, since many cisgendered people are androgynous to various degrees with no difficulties.  Sometimes it is hard to convince them that you really are an androgyne/agendered/neutral identity wise though.  If you are known for avant garde fashion, then maybe they didn't notice what exactly it was that changed offhand, and since they knew you before your change, it would be harder for their perceptions to change as they have already categorized you in their heads.  This may be different than say if you met a new person today while binding.  Their perception of you may be significantly different than those who already know you.

[Jaden]

Well congratulations on being accepted. *huggles* But maybe people did notice but were just being polite by not saying anything?

[Nyctophile]

Vyn: This is exactly it. I'm still seen as a girl, if only because I've been one for so long. I know I can't really expect much by way of changes, but there's really nothing. It just sort of feels like I'm doing something wrong. (Because there is totally a right way to leave the binary. </sarcasm> ) As I said, hopefully when I move away for university, I'll have better luck there, but it's pretty frustrating in the mean time.

Jaden: :3 I'd like to think they're being polite, but I think there are at least a dozen people in the school who really just aren't.