Hello!

[Joykill]

Hey hey, I just got here.

I just wanted to introduce myself.  I've been holding in my transsexuality for long now that I kind of think I forgot how to feel and lost touch with myself.  Thanks to a wonderful friend urging me on and cheering for me, that's starting to change.  I hope it is.

Please don't mind the name.  My very first online handle was "killjoy" and so I just decided to use it here in reverse, because I wanted to distance myself from the handle I use now (which I'm probably going to abandon anyway), but I honestly didn't know what to use.

[Janet_Girl]

Hi Joykill,

Welcome to our little family. Over 4500 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another member.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  

Hugs and Love,
Janet

[Karla]

Hello Joykill,

I've been holding in my transsexuality for long now that I kind of think I forgot how to feel and lost touch with myself

I know what you mean, for me I felt I was damaged in some ways: am I somehow broken beyond repair?

The fact we felt it proves not. So I chose to believe.

I ignored myself during most of my teenage years, I allowed myself to be distracted, I didn't know better, maybe that was just easiest.

Now I realize parts of me may have been dormant, but still always there. I hope they are.

[Joykill]

Hello Joykill,
I know what you mean, for me I felt I was damaged in some ways: am I somehow broken beyond repair?

The fact we felt it proves not. So I chose to believe.

I ignored myself during most of my teenage years, I allowed myself to be distracted, I didn't know better, maybe that was just easiest.

Now I realize parts of me may have been dormant, but still always there. I hope they are.

Gods, I think I've repressed it for so long that I don't think I really know myself anymore.

I mean, six months ago, my biggest dream was to live in a house out in the desert where I could be entirely isolated.  It was very elaborate, too.  I... don't even know about that anymore.

I just feel lucky that circumstances have given me the opportunity to finally face this.

[Cindy]

Hi Joykill,
Your not alone any more. You are now part of the family and it's a nice one. Lots of helpful people and we know what Hell is like, many of us have been walking the corridors for a long time.

Anyhow, how are you going? I'm in Australia, where are you?

Hugs
Cindy

[Joykill]

Hey, nice to meet you!  Nice to meet all of you!  I'm in California.  And I guess I'm doing ok so far.  It's a little hard for me to describe; I'm kind of vacillating between ecstatic and full of dread.  It's not exactly the same despair I'd grown accustomed to, it's different.  And I really can't go back to hiding and pretending everything's just peachy.  That didn't really work before now, did it?  Hehe.

[Cindy]

Not worth hiding and there is nothing to hide from. You have as much right as any other person to be who you are. You are not odd, strange, you are not a person to be insulted, ignored or embarrassed. You are a perfectly normal young woman with a few physical  defects.
Been ages since I was in California, there are BTW lots of girls (and boys) from Cali on Susan's so you can get to know new friends. Are you a beach babe , we have great beaches in SA but the local surf isn't that good, OK but not great.

In fact I spent most of the afternoon at the beach side shops at Glenelg (you can google it and see where I live if you wish) it was a nice day, a bit humid but people were all in a happy mood. Well I was anyway

Hugs
Cindy

[Rock_chick]

Hola

Gods, I think I've repressed it for so long that I don't think I really know myself anymore.

I think we've all been here, I know I spent so long running away from myself that I hardly knew who I was any more. Glad to see that you've made the first little step.

[Karla]

I think we've all been here, I know I spent so long running away from myself that I hardly knew who I was any more.

Ditto, I remember days when I Just Don't Know Anything Anymore™ - I felt like almost giving up, whatever that meant. But here I am 

[jacquie]

Ditto, I remember days when I Just Don't Know Anything Anymore™ - I felt like almost giving up, whatever that meant. But here I am 

Post Merge: April 20, 2010, 11:06:46 AM

Ditto, I remember days when I Just Don't Know Anything Anymore™ - I felt like almost giving up, whatever that meant. But here I am 

:(I still sometimes feel that way I wish I can be done with being the women I need to be

[BlackWolf]

Welcome to Susan's! I wish you luck!