In the closet - or not...

[SilverShadow]

Hi all,

I'm just venting here. Feel free to post a reply if you have something to comment, though.

So, this afternoon I was talking to my mum about driving licences, id cards etc. becouse I'm getting a driver's licence soon. I don't exactly remember how we came to talk about this, but the conversation went like this at some point:

*casually chatting about the bureucracy of getting a new id card or passport*
She: "It's not that difficult. I should know. When I changed my name I timed it so that I'd have had to renew my passport soon anyway. Getting a new passport when you change your name or sex isn't that difficult." [That's 'you' in strictly passive tense. Poor translation...]
Me: *freak out for a nanosecond, pull myself together just as quickly so that she notice anything* "Yeah, I guess. It's probably a bit more of a hassle if you had to change your name to say, firearm licences, too. [Like I'm going to have to, when the time comes...] *blah, blah, blah*" *a quick chance of subject*

So, what the ****? I still live at home so I'm 110% in the closet! I don't see how I could have accidentally outed myself to her... And that's a little too uncommon a thing to mention casually in a conversation for no particular reason, don't you think? I mean, oh no, oh no, oh no, if she knows... She'd probably be supportive if I came out. My dad would probably be too. This is just too personal for me. Her (or my dad) knowing just feels... extremely ankward at best. I've decided ages ago that transitioning right in front of their eyes is just... not an option. Telling them isn't something I am (or was) planing to do until I'm further along in the process. I guess I just can't trust them enough. But if they know anyway... what on Earth am I going to do now?

[rock]

Maybe she was opening the door for you to come out to her

[Silver]

Come out, probably the only option since they seem to know.

Oh, and welcome, other Silver.

[jesse]

might as well tell her my mom figured it out on her own too and was my biggest supporter until the fall out with my dad. which wasnt so bad it kept from getting killed living on the streets which is were my father initially put me. you need a support system who better then your parents if they infact support you
jessica

[Metamorph]

If i was in that situation I would have probably come clean. IMO theres no way 'change sex' could possibly come up in a conversation like that unless she was trying to get a reaction. A positive thing though is that by saying it she sounds like such things dont bother her.
Pesonally I would love to be given an opportunity to come out cos Im such a coward lol. My parents know theres something odd about me but i doubt they know for sure what.
As for transitioning, noone can decide when to do that except you but being out and having their support before anything gets in motion is a major plus if you can get it.

[Radar]

I have to admit, including "or sex change" when they don't know a trans person personally is a little odd. It might seem to show her open-mindedness.

[Hikari]

Well, it seems sort of like a baiting situation. I have used the tactic many times, when I suspect something, but don't have proof I will provide opportunities for the truth to come to me. Such a tactic is useful when you have a suspicion but, are afraid you may be off the mark and being off the mark would offend someone.

A firearms license? I am glad I don't have to deal with that, where I live permits are only required for concealing pistols.

In any case good luck, perhaps you should work on overcoming your awkwardness with the situation, have a pair of potentially supportive parents and not telling them seems to me like having a winning lottery ticket and putting off cashing it in.

[SilverShadow]

Thanks for your comments.

Maybe she was opening the door for you to come out to her

Well, that seems likely.

Come out, probably the only option since they seem to know.

Oh, and welcome, other Silver.

Yea, seems that way. And thaks.

I have to admit, including "or sex change" when they don't know a trans person personally is a little odd.

I definitely agree with you there.

Pesonally I would love to be given an opportunity to come out cos Im such a coward lol.

Oh, that's not being a coward. Being given the perfect chance and not using it becouse you're too scared to reveal something this big about youself, that's being a coward...

Well, it seems sort of like a baiting situation. I have used the tactic many times, when I suspect something, but don't have proof I will provide opportunities for the truth to come to me. Such a tactic is useful when you have a suspicion but, are afraid you may be off the mark and being off the mark would offend someone.

You're probably right. The whole thing just caught me off guard. I mean, she wasn't supposed to know. How the heck did she figure it out? I thought I've made sure no one has seen me browse these forums, or at least been able to see what this forum is. Well, I guess full disk encryption and locking the screen every time I leave the computer for even a moment isn't enough... Becouse that's the only way she could have figured it out. Trust me, my mannerisms etc. can't out me.

A firearms license? I am glad I don't have to deal with that, where I live permits are only required for concealing pistols.

Yep, the laws are a bit different here. Hunting and sport shooting are practically the only legal reasons for owning a firearm. Self defence using a firearm would practically always be considered exessive use of force, and carrying it when not on the way to or from shooting range, hunting grounds, etc. would be a crime, according to the Fireams Act. And the stupid part is, even for the two 9mm semi-auto pistols I own I've had to apply for two separate licences. Also, getting a licence for any pistol caliber larger that .22LR is a pain. Not very nice for us IPSC (International Practical Shooting Confederation) shooters...

Whoops, that was a bit off topic...

In any case good luck, perhaps you should work on overcoming your awkwardness with the situation, have a pair of potentially supportive parents and not telling them seems to me like having a winning lottery ticket and putting off cashing it in.

You're absolutely right, of course. I'll see if the topic comes up again. If it does, then I'm pretty sure she knows and start seriously considering getting this weight off my shoulders. If not... well, the whole thing could have still been coincedence... Not very likely, though. It's just that I've never been that close with my parents, for some reason. I can't really talk with them about things. Well, I'll see how things develop from here.

[Metamorph]

maybe try lightly probing her with questions, try bringing up the licence again and see if she mentions it more. Whatever happens - Good Luck!

[Radar]

I mean, she wasn't supposed to know. How the heck did she figure it out? Trust me, my mannerisms etc. can't out me.

No matter how much you try to manage your mannerisms and try to blend in people notice a difference- more than you think. When you come out you'd be surprised at the people who have "well, duh" reactions.

[Genevieve Swann]

It does sound as though she was opening up a conversation to make it easy for you to explain who you really are. It is difficult it not impossible to hide something that important to someone close to you.

[SilverShadow]

maybe try lightly probing her with questions, try bringing up the licence again and see if she mentions it more. Whatever happens - Good Luck!

This is probably what I'm going to do.

No matter how much you try to manage your mannerisms and try to blend in people notice a difference- more than you think.

Well I just told a friend about my mom's comment on MSN. He said the exact same thing. I feel really lucky to have him as my friend. When I came out to him a few months ago, I thought he might need some time to digest the news. I've brought the topic up only a handful of times since then. To be honest, I was never sure if he "got" the whole trans thing. Now when we talked less than an hour go, he was totally supportive, even encouraging. He actually said something along the lines that he's glad to have me as a friend and that it's nice to have friends who really understand your situation (he's gay himself). It seems he's almost more okay with me being trans than I am right now. I'm so lucky to have a friend like him.