Heeeeeeelp!!! really need some advice regarding telling the parental units

[Rock_chick]

It's getting to the point where I need to tell my parents, there are a huge amount of emotions mixed up in all this and it's not all just about the GD, it's basically reached the point where I either tell them...or risk losing my sanity. Because of this, I need to tell them face to face, anything else just isn't going to cut it unfortunately. I'm actually terrified...I will be a mess, critical meltdown will ensure and I expect there to be enough tears to make the flood Noah had to deal with look like a light shower...and that's just from me.

I feel like I need to be really prepared, especially on the gender side of things, because I really don't know how this is going to go (in my head it goes very badly). Does anyone have any words of wisdom, or any literature that they would recommend to give to my mum and dad, to help them understand if lack of cohesion on my part becomes a serious issue?

[Janet_Girl]

You might want to look in the wiki for guidance.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Telling_your_parents
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Telling_your_parents_-_Part_II

[rejennyrated]

You and I have already talked about this and I can't really add to anything I've already said beyond saying that I'm pretty sure that it won't be as bad as you imagine.

The important thing is to keep it real and from the heart. I agree with you that it is best done face to face. I'm sure everyone here is wishing you the very best of luck.

And finally you have my contact details if you ever want to use them. Please never be afraid to pick up the phone if you want someone to just listen supportively - oh and if you want to keep your number private then just dial 141 first and with hold it. I'm really not into invading anyone else's life - just offering some support, from someone older who has been there, on the basis that others helped me back in the day when I was there, so these days I try to repay the debt. But of course if you don't think it would help that's also cool.

Good Luck Helena.

You'll feel a whole lot better when it is done - trust me.

Jenny x.

[confused]

hey , don't worry , they have to know sooner or later , and even if it went bad somehow , they would just take sometime digesting the whole thing . so it's not like a critical point , all you have to do is tell them how you feel and explain everything to them and give them things to read about GD and transitioning
it will all be ok , they love you and it seems like you love them a lot
i wish i could have been of any help but i don't know any helpful literature and i don't have experience coming out
i just wanted to wish you luck

[rejennyrated]

Oh yeah - and I've just thought - Duh! - perhaps you could actually point them at this site to read - the info in the wiki here is as good as any that I've ever seen.

(Or failing that, if you don't want them to read your posts, one of the other trans factual sites on the net. Although it is probably best to pay a visit to any site you recommend first to check it out...)

EDIT
the info here is pretty good too http://transwoman.tripod.com/

[placeholdername]

I went through this back in January, and I'd say the most important thing is to develop a firm belief that your self-worth is not dependent on whether they accept you or reject you (or something in between, which is more likely).  It has to be about you telling them something important about yourself -- not about telling them something and looking for their approval.

It's definitely important to have sources ready so that they can read up on things at their own pace, but also be prepared for the case that they may not be interested in finding out more, at least right away.

Telling my parents was a big step, and although it didn't turn out ideally between me and them, it did kick me into gear as far as actually doing stuff about transition (like electro and getting on the path to hormones) that I was somewhat hesitant about beforehand.

[PanoramaIsland]

If your parents are scientifically-inclined or otherwise science-friendly/not religious nutballs, bone up on the science of it. Reading this extended discussion between Ron Gold and Zoe Brain on the science of transsexuality and intersexuality should help, as Zoe is herself a scientist and Ron a famous (and, at the outset of the discussion, somewhat transphobic) gay rights activist; the language includes a mixture of technical/scientific vocabulary and more basic, easily digestible summary:
http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2009/12/ron-gold-on-transgendered-dialogue.html

Be firm - neither apologetic nor defiant - and lead into it with an explanation of how much soul-searching you've done, how much you've struggled over the years, etc. Allow yourself to cry, but try not to get worked up, and try to keep your reasoning as stable as you can through the whole experience. Go for intimacy and hugs as much as possible - don't let it turn into a fight.

-hugs-, =beams=, and best of luck.

[Rock_chick]

You might want to look in the wiki for guidance.
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Telling_your_parents
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Telling_your_parents_-_Part_II

Cheers Janet those were really helpful, tho I'm booked in to have "Read the damn wiki!" tattooed on the back of my hand.

Oh yeah - and I've just thought - Duh! - perhaps you could actually point them at this site to read - the info in the wiki here is as good as any that I've ever seen.

Good idea Jenny, I'd not thought of that either. I'd just cheat...mention the site as a great resource and *ahem* forget *ahem* to mention the forum. My dad's certainly tech savy enough to find it...whether I could be identified from my posts would be moot as they'd already know at that point.


Everyone else, thank you for your words of support and while I can't do this tomorrow, hopefully getting prepared to tell the parental units, will help with the anxiety that's been crippling me recently.

Helena x