weird things , just some thoughts

[confused]

it's weird that humans find eachother's pain or humiliation funny and amusing sometimes , or say most of the time if there's no visible physical injury.
it's also weird that we think we are free but we are not and never will be , life plays with us like a kitty playing with a furball.
weird that dreams are always far out of reach no matter how simple they were , and as we get clloser to them they get a lot further like a mirage.
weird how happiness is fake , no matter how happy we look there's always sadness beneath , and even weirder that we always knew ,as the first thing any baby does is cry.
weird how we humans live together and yet each of us is so alone ,and theres nothing that can be done.
and the most weirdness of all is exsitence , so pointless and vein , no matter what we do or how we live or survive we eventually die , no matter what we do , how we live , we always live it hard and then simply die

feel free to share any thoughts

[Megan]

and what's weird, weird itself isn't that "negative" of a word.

it just means supernatural, unusual, and destiny

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/weird

We're all weird if place in a different enviroment. A conservative heterosexual middle class white male would be a weirdo in a temple of satanic african-japanese prostitutes dancing to disco rave music with Lady Gaga singing, because he would be unusual to be in there.

[confused]

ok i'll admit , i kinda abused the word heh , i meant strange or err..weird ?
it's also strange or weird that despite all that we still find smiles and reliefe sometimes and life goes on , i mean life is not all negative

[Megan]

Saids who?

If my life is just this... then I rather die then live. The only thing keeping me living is hope.

I'll be hopeful till 26. But I bet thousands of people would want my life, it's just my life is such a chaotic disturbed way of life that I wish no one to have it besides me, since I want my life since it's awesome and yet a curse. Let's say I was born into poverty, average looks, average intelligence, average average, and yet I am also fat, gay, and have a mental impairment (I do but I don't want to say). Then add thoughts of being transsexual, and yet then I don't feel like a transsexual but like an androgynous person. Then in my heart I want a man to hold me and love me, like a Marilyn Monroe type way, I don't want to be independent but I am. Then I want to rule the world and change social standards and attitudes with this illusionist attraction that I'll some how gain in the future....

That made no sense, but would you want my life? I am always battling myself since I don't know who I am, it's like I have a thousand souls locked in my mind that all want a voice, but my body cannot let them speak since society wants to keep them silence in their own despair and misery. And all the voices aren't really all different voices but they are all aspects of me, and the real me is locked up in a casket. And I am a robot who presents a shy, average-american guy.

And if my life doesn't change then I'll rather die, since I am anything but average inside.

[confused]

i totally really get what your talking about and i know how it feels , i know how it feels to present as different personality and abilities than what's really in you , i do that , actually it's my area of experties , and also i always made sure to be aways very average to avoid being noticed and then whatever it is inside screems and shout sometimes in unusual/crazy actions , and all that energy transforms into other things like seizures , hypomania attacks , depression , and then sometimes i physically feel like i'm suffocating or can't breath although i can it's unexplainable , but yeah .. i know how it feels to be locked inside yourself to the point that even if you wanted to show it it doesn't come out. i wouldn't wanna put an age range because if i get to that age and something made me lag for whatever reason i'd get too fraustrated with no nergy to go on, hope is life , and even IF it was a mirage we must keep chacing it because eventually at worst case scinarios we will get somewhere closer to happiness by every step we take no matter how long that step takes

everyone looks at others and say they have it easier but no one is having it easy that's the truth , but it's just that we rarely put ourselves in eachothers shoes 

[Megan]

Well all our pain is the the manifestation of the mind.

Well my future life isn't a mirage, no matter what, it's destiny. It's something that has to happen, like the dawn of the Earth and the end of Earth. In the end my future life doesn't even matter that much, but our own version of our worlds is all that matters.

I think some people have easier lives though, it may not be easier for me, but their life fits them. My current life doesn't fit me, but it would fit a lot of "normal guys".

[confused]

I think some people have easier lives though, it may not be easier for me, but their life fits them. My current life doesn't fit me, but it would fit a lot of "normal guys"

agreed
but the thing is , it's relative how bad someone feels or how hard they find life , like for example i used to think that no other tg person having it as hard as i do (given my location is a country where being ts is a crime and illegal ) but then when i read about other ts people and how their problems make them feel i found out that after all, everyone is having it hard one way or another , some are having it harder , but the ones who are having it relatively easier feel the same amount of pain , so afterall we all suffer and be happy sometimes
anyway , hope you reach your goals even faster than you know it =) good luck megan