I don't know how to do this anymore, I am working 30 hrs a week and going to school 35 hrs a week. I can't study anymore since I need some sleep, and I am taking caffeine pills to function at work. I hate my job since I never even wanted to do it, but my mother was on my case to get a job for a whole year, so I got a job back in August 2009. Then my mother used me for $1200, all of my value that I work for till January 2010. Then I am steadily building my money up, but I spent $300 to help my brother on his car and he is so lazy and gets away with everything and practically failing school. Then I took my mother to dinners like every two weeks, since she feels like I am being cheap and greedy.
I only have $500 to my name, and never bought myself anything besides a camera, and some hair loss pills which totals about $300 all together. I hate living here all together though.
I feel like I am working for nothing since I want to move to New York City, and I don't know what to do. My life is such a messed because even if I work and never spend another penny I will only have 6 k.
And I am sick of my job since I work the hardest and still the lowest position, and I know I should be promoted but my boss thinks I don't smile enough to be promoted. Even though everyone else, and all the managers tell me I am the best worker... and this one guy only work one week my position and was promoted immediately. He just came out of high school at the time, and was hired the same week I was. I worked there 10 months now, and no results.
I feel like I am just stuck, and what I want to do is quit my job, lose 15 lbs, and then go back to the strip club... but the only thing stopping me is that I know my mother will be disgusted by it, I still care but I am dead tired, I just want to do this. It's something I been wanting to do for 2 years, I planned to do this in January, then I moved it to April, then I am hoping to this June 18 after school end. I hate everything about my life, and I just want to move on, like a new chapter. The job is 20 miles a way, and I have no car, but I have this drive to do this regardless, even if I have to walk 20 miles a day... Even if I sleep 4 hrs a night to be able to walk and go to work. The sad thing I was promised a car all my life, at least my dad said so... and he has like 5 cars, he bought expensive cars, and he doesn't even give me one. I asked him one way back when I was 16, and at the time I didn't have a job, and he didn't even want to help me with the drivers' training. I am never going to ask him again. But he gave my brother a car, and he doesn't even have a job to go too. I have to ask him to take me to current job when I can't walk there. I don't know why I have to suffer so much financially when my dad is doing fine, and it's like I am living my own state of poverty and misery.
And I don't want to admit it, but I feel really ugly about myself. Then I don't see an ugly face in the mirror, I was only called good looking by two or three people in my life. But the one person who told me I was good looking was this lady... and that was in 2008, I can't remember other times.
http://cache4.asset-cache.net/xc/83698952.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF8789215ABF3343C02EA548F8949FB3642D581A5BA295116FA8A490E623AA05B36A3DE0E30A760B0D811297I was at her concert...
I still don't know how I am going to do well this last month of school, since I am so behind now without sleep.
