Coming out to neighbors

[Muddy]

I haven't posted here in ages, so the really quick summary to bring you up to speed is:

I was married to a guy, had a kid, etc etc, and was not sure what to do with being trans.
I was also in the Army.

August of 2010, my husband passed away [if you have sleep apnea, please use your CPAP machine.  It might save your life.]

I've slowly been coming out to friends and family, to largely positive results since December.
Started seeing a therapist in January, received my T letter in March.

At the beginning of this month [May] I requested and was approved for a discharge from the Army due to hardship associated with losing my husband and being a single parent.

My appointment with the endo is on Monday [May 17th].

So...  obviously at some point, I need to come out to my neighbors, whose children my son plays with, and whom I speak to casually on a regular basis.

I really don't want a situation wherein people begin making assumptions about what is going on [as it is, I'm assumed to be a lesbian because my girlfriend spends a lot of time at the house].  I have one neighbor who lives across the street from me, who talks to me in the driveway all the time, who is a notorious gossiper and tends to exaggerate things.  The last thing I want is crazy rumors flying about that I'm abusing steroids, or that I had some bizarre psychotic break after my husband's death and randomly decided to become a guy.

Obviously I'd wait to say anything until my discharge is final in July [I swear to god, they make the process incredibly drawn-out and annoying, as a stealth retention tool]... but how to go about it, once I finally do?

Given that these people aren't really important in the sense that their acceptance is crucial to my life, and given that we're talking about ages ranging from the early 20s to the last 50s... I'm not so sure that inviting all of the neighbors over for a BBQ is really a wise choice.

I own my home, my son is in a really fantastic school [he has learning disabilities], and I plan to attend college in the area, so moving somewhere else and just starting over as a man isn't really feasible right now.

I've been toying with just mailing all of them a form letter, but I thought I'd ask around and determine what others have done, if they've been in this situation.
Have you?  What did you do?  How'd it turn out?  What would you have done differently/the same?

[Squirrel698]

I don't have any advice but I second the request for some.  Coming out to family and friends is nightmare enough, in some cases.  Coming out to neighbours, teachers, people who are a necessary part of your life but not exactly friends is even harder I would imagine.  I was thinking of saying nothing, just letting my appearance do all the talking for me, but perhaps that's not the best way.  I just can't picture myself walking up and announcing that I am now a man and call me Mr. C__ from now on. 

It's so far away from most people's experience that they have no way to relate what you are saying to their everyday lives.  Friends and family at least have some idea you are not completely mental.   

[sneakersjay]

I only came out to those who knew me well before, and in a letter.

I, too, was married with kids, to a man (yes I'm gay, still love men).  My daughter attends a co-op and I only came out to 2 parents there...an old hs classmate and one parent I knew well.  The rest just saw me coming and going and didn't say much, and I didnt' see them often anyway (mostly dropped off and picked up with no socializing).  People I knew peripherally I didn't come out to and dont' recognize me now, so if I want to be friendly with them I just reintroduce myself as Jay and go from there.

Pick and choose who you tell; you don't need to tell the whole world.  Only those who matter.

I didn't come out to any of my neighbors as I don't know them. No idea if they even noticed, though the houses are very close together.

Jay