Second thoughts

[Nigella]

Hi all,

With my consultation looming next week with my surgeon for my SRS I find that I am having second thoughts about the surgery. After reading many of your reports and extracts from various girls who have been through the surgery and the graphic descriptions I am really scarred that something will go really wrong and the long road to recovery.

I have worked so hard to reach this point and all my resources, emotionally, financially, lose, etc, etc to be who I am and yet I now find myself in this bizarre place. I really don't know how to process my thoughts.

Has/did any of you girls having gone through with SRS have these thoughts, are they natural?

Thanks for reading,

Stardust   

[rejennyrated]

You wouldn't be human if you weren't a little worried. All medical procedures carry risks. But the reality is that longterem almost all of the little teething problems that occur get sorted out so you would have to be REALLY unlucky to be the one in 10,000 for whom there was a really insoluble problem.

Surely this is where your faith can help. Place yourself in the arms of your God and trust that he will see you through it, and I'm sure you will be ok.

Really don't let it put you off. It WILL be fine! But yes I'm sure we all have those feelings. If you look up the threads from about four months ago you can see that I was even having kittens over a minor little revision... which in the final event was not so minor, but still went like a dream!

So please please trust me. As long as you follow your doctor's instructions it will all be fine!

[glendagladwitch]

If you think you can be happy as non-op then definitely consider that option.  Take your time.  Wait until you are sure.

[Nigella]

Thanks Jenny and Vexing,

I had heard about someone who died shortly after having SRS. It really scares me but I will place my life in my God's hands as Jenny said.

I don't think I could be happy not having SRS, it complicates things enough having that growth there for so long and especially since I have been full time. I'm in a catch 22 situation with my thoughts.

Thanks

stardust

[Kristyn]

Hi all,

With my consultation looming next week with my surgeon for my SRS I find that I am having second thoughts about the surgery. After reading many of your reports and extracts from various girls who have been through the surgery and the graphic descriptions I am really scarred that something will go really wrong and the long road to recovery.

I have worked so hard to reach this point and all my resources, emotionally, financially, lose, etc, etc to be who I am and yet I now find myself in this bizarre place. I really don't know how to process my thoughts.

Has/did any of you girls having gone through with SRS have these thoughts, are they natural?

Thanks for reading,

Stardust

Hi Stardust.  I felt very much the same way after my consult with Dr. Brassard.  I began to question the validity of my desire--is this truly what I want.  I worried about the possible complications which could arise and whether or not this surgery would in fact change anything in my life.  To the latter, I have know idea and I've resided in the fact that my life will be exactly the same unless I implement the changes I so desire.  The one thing I do know for sure is that this procedure will in fact knock down a few barriers and will allow me to at least try to form a relationship of any sort with another human being.

It was this issue of ever having a relationship which has had me just recently question again whether I truly wanted the surgery, as the likelihood of me ever having a relationship of any kind--friend or other--is slim to none, as I have been a misfit my entire life and have never really belonged anywhere.  Through my introspection over the last week or so, I've picked up subtle clues proving that, regardless of the relationship issues or my sense of belonging in this world, that I really do want and need this procedure for me and not for any other reason.  Given that, I think the few fears I have now are not so much related to complications, but more so toward the unknown.

Having read the experiences of the others who have had the surgery over the last few months, I find my fears of complications to have been greatly diminished.  I'm in very good health, I'm gathering as much info as possible from the experience of others, and I'm clearly not jumping into this blindly.  As well, I'm going to one of the best srs surgeons around.

What you are feeling is totally natural and I'm sure that, once you take the time to read and re-read the accounts of others along with some deep soul searching, you'll find these feelings of doubt will slowly diminish.  I think the best thing you could possibly do right now is to free yourself of any negative thoughts and surrender yourself to the powers that be--become a passenger and let the universe decide.  I'm positive you will be steered in the right direction.

[Janet_Girl]

It is fun, but I was having second thoughts before me Orchidectomy.  I have never had any second thoughts about SRS, but I did about my orchie.  It took some deep soul searching to know that I had to have the orchie, just in case I never make it to SRS.

You have come this far, Stardust.  But it is major surgery, that is optional, it is no wonder that your are wondering and worrying.  But as Vexing said you could not be in a better place than surrounded by modern medical expertise.

[FairyGirl]

I think these thoughts are perfectly normal. Anytime I had any doubts along the way I just kept coming back to the fact that I knew in my heart more than anything that this was what was right for me. It is worth the risks because the chances of me dying without it are far greater and the complications of not having surgery would be far worse. It's always good to think about the risks with something this major, but like everyone else has said they are really minimal these days.

[Jessica.C]

Well i have second thoughts even when it comes to something so mundane a which brand of toilet paper to buy. So you can imagine what it's like for me to make a decision on this scale. One thing i have found though, is usually things tend to turn out being so much easier then i imagine.

Oh except for cutting my own bangs. That didn't turn out so well

[MsFierce]

I never knew someone actually died from SRS wow now you got me scared lol. I know I'm gonna have one huge panic attack the night before surgery lol.

[pebbles]

it will be fine. but I just found jenny's 1:10,000 comment scary as that's the official statistics on how likely it was that you'd be born trans in the first place.

ITS HAPPENED BEFORE!!! 1:10,000 isn't good enough odds! >_<

[K8]

I think doubts are normal for anything that changes your life dramatically.

I always said I would never have elective surgery, but GRS wasn't exactly elective for me.  I didn't think I would last much longer without it but had a good chance of a full life with it.  Some months ago I decided I had to be physically a woman as much as possible or die trying.  I will admit that in the first week after surgery there were a number of times when I would ask myself why I did it, but I would always immediately know exactly why I did it.

It is normal to be concerned about any surgery or any big change, Stardust.  Express your concerns to your doctor during the consult.  And go bravely toward your new, wonderful life.

- Kate

[blackMamba]

Hi all,

With my consultation looming next week with my surgeon for my SRS I find that I am having second thoughts about the surgery. After reading many of your reports and extracts from various girls who have been through the surgery and the graphic descriptions I am really scarred that something will go really wrong and the long road to recovery.

I have worked so hard to reach this point and all my resources, emotionally, financially, lose, etc, etc to be who I am and yet I now find myself in this bizarre place. I really don't know how to process my thoughts.

Has/did any of you girls having gone through with SRS have these thoughts, are they natural?

Yep and yep.  It's permanent, you should be a little freaked out.  All the other things we do to our bodies are reversible to a certain extent, but not this one.  I had a mini-panic attack after the surgery when I realized what happened, but those thoughts didn't stick around for long (and I can freak myself out pretty easily).  It's pretty cool actually, now that I have a vagina like the rest of the women.  It's weird, it's like the same equipment exists, except it gets remapped.  I have a lot of the same feeling as I had before.

As for the SRS death, yes I have a friend of a friend that died after SRS.  I don't remember all the details except there was a lot of blood lost and the aftercare could have been better.  That's the only one I have heard of and that surgeon no longer practices.  It's extremely rare.

[rejennyrated]

it will be fine. but I just found jenny's 1:10,000 comment scary as that's the official statistics on how likely it was that you'd be born trans in the first place.

ITS HAPPENED BEFORE!!! 1:10,000 isn't good enough odds! >_<

Ah yes but of those 1 in 10,000 from the general population who have some degree of trans feelings perhaps only about 1 in 10 end up going forward for surgery and of them only about 1 in 10,000 ends up with a major problem so the compound odds are vanishingly small of it being you twice are actually vanishingly small. Plus my figure was only intended as a very rough guideline. The exact odds may be even better.

In any case I was talking about major complications, not death! As far as I know ƃuıxǝʌ is correct - in nearly 62 years of doing surgery there has only been ONE death. That's actually an astonishingly good set of odds for a medical procedure and a real tribute to the people who provide our care. More people than that actually die in the dentists chair each year!

You also have to understand that even out of those who do have major complications the vast majority end up getting fixed.

Also almost all of them are the people who go to, shall we say, less than optimal or inexperienced surgeons...

Bottom line is, providing you go to a decent surgeon you have FAR more chance of being killed in a car crash on the way to the hospital than you do of having a major problem.

So please don't use my very rough stats as the basis for any paranoia because such fear simply isn't real. It's going to be fine!

As my own surgeon said when I had my recent rework done - "these days I consider this to be a fairly routine surgery with almost no risk involved."

[FairyGirl]

This surgery is permanent and there are no do-overs, so it is a good thing to question yourself to be sure. But Valerie is right. There comes a point where all fear just dissolves, when you know this is your destiny as she said, and whether you live or die you know what you are doing is not a mistake.

[sneakersjay]

I think these thoughts are perfectly normal. Anytime I had any doubts along the way I just kept coming back to the fact that I knew in my heart more than anything that this was what was right for me. It is worth the risks because the chances of me dying without it are far greater and the complications of not having surgery would be far worse. It's always good to think about the risks with something this major, but like everyone else has said they are really minimal these days.

This.

On the one hand I hate that I even have to have surgery in the first place (I realize it's my 'choice' and that noone is putting a gun to my head), on the other this is something I've needed since I was 4 yrs old and discovered my anatomy was all wrong.

Yes I'm nervous, but I just want it all over with.  I'm concerned about the healing time as well and when I'll be back to normal.

So yeah, it's normal to have doubts.  But I know in my heart this is right for me.

Jay

[FairyGirl]

Another thing I wanted to add is that I've had to undergo a whole battery of tests to make sure I was physically fit enough to have the surgery. This included a full medical history & physical, x-rays, a treadmill test, and a plethora of blood tests such as clotting factors, etc. Your surgeon may also request this, and that is something you can find out on your visit. But we get screened pretty thoroughly both physically and psychologically which really lessens the chances of any complications.

[Nigella]

Thanks everyone you have been brill.

Well as I have said in another post I'm stressed, the day looms for my consultation with the surgeon but I will now be armed with my questions. How long was the appointment, lol.

Will post in a couple of days with the outcome.

Hugs

Stardust

[kaitlynm999]

Hiya

I had my srs on June 1...i shared many of those doubts...i was scared to death of a problem, and thought alot about whether this was neccessary...

2 weeks later, I'm into recovery and feeling better everyday...it really is quite uncomfortable physically, but i am getting close to feeling normal (outside of constant dilation!)

The big thing is I found those doubts went away after i had the surgery...My internal dialogue immediately shifted to taking care of myself and all those doubts were nothing but memories..i am thrilled i went through with it and i can't wait to finally move on in my life without all that miserable depressing, wanting and wishing and wondering..

btw
i had a very helpful staff,and a terrific surgeon...i never stopped asking questions, even if i asked over and over...its your $$ and its your body.
make sure you are happy with your choice in this regard

all the best
kaitlyn