Invisible People

[Alyx.]

I've noticed something

In real life (You know, that thing you visit when you're off the internet) people tend to be less nice and brush people off. Also, people seem to have a standard of beauty and other traits far beyond what I would consider the average. I've thought about this long and hard and I've come to the conclusion that people in real life tend to completely ignore people that don't have traits that they like, aka the "average" person. This may explain why the loudest people are often the most popular, they are the most difficult to ignore! So what are your thoughts on this matter?

Do you think people tend to subconsciously ignore people?


If yes, then

Do you think that people on the internet are nicer because the traits are less visible?

and

Do you think ignoring people is a problem?

[Hermione01]

I agree.  I will often notice the loudest person initially, but if they're a total ***, I wouldn't continue to give them the time of day. 

[Alyx.]

Well, I think that the loudest person may not be the most charming, but being loud forces people to notice and ask themselves "Do I like this person?"

It also allows them to advertise their personality, plenty of people are pretty cool, but they never speak up and are therefore never noticed.

[Hermione01]

Yes I understand, wallflowers are often overlooked which is a shame.
It's quite annoying though when in a group there are several loud people and the competition is fierce.
I prefer to be an observer than observed, but that's just me. Eventually I will get around to speaking to a quiet person if they seem amiable enough.

[V M]

I've thought about this also

I've got loud neighbors, but they get negative attention from others

I tend to be reserved and rather quiet and try to not draw attention in public, but I've noticed that I get noticed by others just about everywhere I go

I'm not quite sure why

[Alyx.]

I'm pretty chatty once I get going but I don't like to waste breath. I love conversations but I don't fill the room with my presence, I guess.

Anyways, this conversations getting a bit off track, this isn't about our individual personalities. XD

[Osiris]

I think it really depends on the community. I've seen people ignored online too. I don't think people are generally nicer online but if you're in the right community that you jive with you'll probably find it a more accepting place.

Just as in real life we're brought together by our commonalities. Online many of the places we meet each other is via communities that are brought together by a common point of interest. Such as being transgendered, liking a certain band, etc. You already have that commonality shared with this new group and then can branch off from that. It can be a bit more difficult to figure out what interests you may share with someone you've met on the street or in school. That can make the interaction with someone IRL a bit strained which may be why you'd think that people are meaner IRL than on the computer. It's simply a different environment where the way people interact is different.

Remember that internet forum/chat interactions are a give and go process. Everyone has a chance to get their thoughts out there where in some cases IRL they would have to push to have their voice heard and as you said louder people will tend to talk over those with a weak voice.

So like I said I don't really think people are nicer or meaner online it's just a different setting where in the right community a person who doesn't do well with in person interactions may flourish.

[Hermione01]

Do you think people tend to subconsciously ignore people?

No, I think they consciously ignore others they either don't connect with or otherwise don't like.

If yes, then

Do you think that people on the internet are nicer because the traits are less visible?

I disagree. I think people on the internet are way more nastier and probably showing their true colours and opinions because it's safer.
In real life people hide their true feelings most of the time.

Do you think ignoring people is a problem?

Only if you're the one being ignored.

If I am ignored while trying to get service in a store, I would be offended. If I'm with people in a friendly gathering and was ignored, my feelings would be hurt.

[Alyx.]

To me, saying that something isn't a problem because it's not you getting hurt is a bit like saying wars and starvation are not problems because you're not involved in them. So personally, I think it's important.

Osiris: I suppose that could be the case, but it seems like even when not bound by a common thread, people tend to be nicer.

[Hermione01]

To me, saying that something isn't a problem because it's not you getting hurt is a bit like saying wars and starvation are not problems because you're not involved in them. So personally, I think it's important.

So what do you do about people who are ignored? Do you go up and speak to them? Do you ignore others?
I mean, if you've encountered it yourself, were you hurt? Feelings are very important and I think if I am hurt by being ignored, how much I must hurt another if I ignore them. It's a two way street.
And yes, all people look at themselves first before they can consider another. Otherwise, you're lying to yourself.

[Alyx.]

I have to be wanting to achieve something? I guess if there's anything I want to achieve it's a simulating conversation. If you are being offended or something I'm not trying to offend. 

I generally speak to people when I feel they are being ignored, or try to involve them in group conversation. It's true I think of myself first, but I think (or at least hope) it's normal to think about others too.

[Hermione01]

I have to be wanting to achieve something? I guess if there's anything I want to achieve it's a simulating conversation. If you are being offended or something I'm not trying to offend. 

I generally speak to people when I feel they are being ignored, or try to involve them in group conversation. It's true I think of myself first, but I think (or at least hope) it's normal to think about others too.

I'm not offended in the slightest.  Probably soon others will contribute their thoughts and ideas.

[Alyx.]

As someone who is considered to have a 'loud' personality, some of this speculation is skirting close to being offensive, yes.

Ah.

Sorry? I don't really think I said anything offensive. All I've really stated is that loud people tend to be noticed more, which I don't think is false.

[Hermione01]

As someone who is considered to have a 'loud' personality, some of this speculation is skirting close to being offensive, yes.

I don't think this thread is intended to knock loud personalities, just highlight the plight of the ignored.

All my friends are loud and outspoken, which I like. I'm just one of the quiet ones most of the time but I can be a bull in a china shop when someone steps on my toes. 

[V M]

I'm not offended either

I am however concerned about some of the people that seem to be ignored by society

[Alyx.]

These guys have basically said it.

What this thread is about is more or less thinking about psychology as applies to the OP, and how we feel about it.

Well, that was it's original intent, but as conversations are growing things, we can flex the subject, just as long as it doesn't get too off course. If we start talking about tamagotichis or something, I'm gonna have to nudge this thread back on course, lol.

[tekla]

people in real life tend to completely ignore people that don't have traits that they like

I think its more that they seek out people who have traits and qualities they like, admire and enjoy.  You can't possibly deal with everyone, so you make choices.

[Alyx.]

people in real life tend to completely ignore people that don't have traits that they like

I think its more that they seek out people who have traits and qualities they like, admire and enjoy.  You can't possibly deal with everyone, so you make choices.

Isn't that kind of like saying the same thing but backwards?

[tekla]

No.  You are saying that the ignoring of some certain people is a willful act, and I'm saying that the choosing of people other than those is the willful part of the deal (most of the time).  That's a big difference.  I'm not choosing to ignore A, B and C, I'm choosing to pay attention to D, E and F.

Now there are people who have traits/habits/mannerisms you don't like, appreciate, or want around you as part of your life.  You do shine them on, but's that's specific, not general.

I generally find also that the 'loud' (whatever you mean by that, I think we all have a different sense of it) though not the easiest to ignore, are often the first ones to get that specific rejection because a lot of people really don't like that exact behavior as its seen as rude, boorish, and a sign of ill breeding.

And the difference between RL and the net is not a matter of liking people according to traits, but a difference in what those traits are.  Physical attractiveness counts for more in RL than it does on line, while writing style counts more on line than it tends to in RL. 

I think I know a perfect case study for this, and I've seen it time after time.  You have some guys and two women.  One woman is kinda plain, overweight and the other is a stone-cold fox LA model type.  Both girls pull out a cigarette at the same time and all (ALL) the guys whip out their lighters in a race to be first to light the cute girls cigarette while the plain girl is standing there with no one offering to light hers.  The guys are not choosing to ignore the plain girl, they are choosing to try to impress the babe, had the babe not been there, plain girl would have got her ciggy lit right off.  As it is, everyone will notice it, and several of the guys will offer to light hers too, but it's strictly second-place.  We didn't want to make her feel bad, we just wanted to help the other one first.

[V M]

Even among our so called intellectuals we find ignorance...

So is ignorance bliss or blistering?

The folks running the "lost and found" of human beings is obviously failing

Maybe they need to be reminded what human beings are

Then again, I'm guilty also... I shine my loud obnoxious neighbor on as much as possible... I can't stand the sight or sound of him but I still at least say hello and ask him how he's doin' if I have the displeasure of seeing him