FTM: Bi? Gay?

[Arch]

In order for some of the FTMs who didn't fit into the restrictive medical/psychiatric boxes to get care, they've had to lie.

Hi, Linus. Haven't seen you in a while.

I was in a committed relationship with a man back then, and I'm a terrible liar (meaning I usually don't do it convincingly). So I saw no way to transition through the usual channels. A half-assed therapist would have seen right through me. I briefly considered self-medicating, but I had no idea how to go about it and would have been too scared anyway.

The bottom line, however, was my unwillingness to risk a great relationship. My partner would become visibly uncomfortable, sometimes hostile, whenever I talked about HRT or surgery. He was even uncomfortable when I "actively" dressed male (i.e., when I bound my top half) and wore my usual masculine clothing.

I was gay and he was straight. Now I'm gay and single, and he's straight and single. Despite my best efforts, the relationship fell apart anyway because I was lying to myself.

That I can do convincingly.

[accord03]

JakeDenver - To your question. I wasn't born a bio male so in my young days, I have been confused
like every other transexual out there. Yes, I was a born a female so I thought I had to like men and
I tried and convinced myself to like them but I never could. I was only attracted to 'girly girls' and
after awhile, I did some research and realised that I was trapped in the wrong body. Not to mention,
I always thought I was a boy till puberty hit and I tried to be something I'm not. My girlfriend has
always been straight and we were together before I even told her I feel like I'm in the wrong body.
I act and always dressed like a guy so even though, people didn't use male pronouns neither did
they referred to me as a lesbian.

It is a complete lie when people say they only date people for their inside. You must be somewhat
attracted to their physical apperance. Lust always come first before any other feelings. When you
meet people you don't see straight through them, you see their looks first.

M.Grimm - I never said it was my business but I was clearly stating how I see and feel about this.
I didn't point out a certain someone, I'm speaking my mind in general. I'm not saying anyone "You
must be straight". I'm just stating my opinion and how I feel around those type of people. I'm being
honest.

Arch - Like I said to JakeDenver, I have NEVER been treated like a lesbian. People may not have used
male pronouns on me because they didn't know how my reaction would be but they sure did/do treat me like a
guy. I see myself as a straight male and everyone around me does too. They forget what's in my trunk so I'm
far from being catergorized by anyone.

Kvall - Don't reply if you think it's a stupid arguement. Are you stupid? Just because I'm a transman, it doesn't
mean that I can't have my say on this matter. My transition isn't based on my attraction to woman, I'm a male
who's trapped in the wrong body so I'm transitioning for MYSELF. Sex and hand holding are both disturbing.
Happy? No, I don't have any repressed homosexual feelings. I see myself as a straight guy and why are you
acting like I have to be gay like you? I'm just having my say. Please, is this pissing you off cause you feel
uneasy about being attracted to a male cause you're an FTM who could of just stayed in the female body
and made your life so much easier? 

Mihaelki - Thanks. Atleast you broke it down to my nicely and made me understand a fair bit.

Zombie - I've said this so many times. I am not gay neither is she. The way you said it made it seem like
I'm changing for her and not for myself. Complete lie. I am not doing this cause I'm scared it'll impact my
relationship whatsoever. It'll most likely impact on my relationship when I do transition. Funny uh? I have
plenty of girls all over me. There is so much to risk, you know? All these girls might stop approaching me
so don't go saying I'm doing this for some pussy. I could be who I am and still get these girls but I want to be
me and that's being in the right body.

[M.Grimm]

Yeah, I don't like gay sex. I think it's gross and I would never be friend a homosexual cause lesbians are butchy and gays are abnormal.

...

M.Grimm - I never said it was my business but I was clearly stating how I see and feel about this.
I didn't point out a certain someone, I'm speaking my mind in general. I'm not saying anyone "You
must be straight". I'm just stating my opinion and how I feel around those type of people. I'm being
honest.

...

Please, is this pissing you off cause you feel uneasy about being attracted to a male cause you're an FTM who could of just stayed in the female body and made your life so much easier? 

You didn't point out a certain someone but you still saw fit to broad-brush gays and lesbians as, respectively, abnormal and butchy. And then this comment here: "made your life so much easier", are you serious? Are you ignorant with regards to body dysphoria and how miserable it can make people? How could it possibly make someone's life "easier" to remain miserable forever just so they can get laid?

I do think it's great that you're being honest. Just know that it makes it clear you have a LOT of growing up to do, mentally and empathically.

Just being honest and stating my opinion, here.

[accord03]

Don't worry I don't get offended easily 
You're saying I should grow up? Some people in here can't even take honesty. I guess little kids do tell the truth 

[Lachlann]

Sex and hand holding are both disturbing.
Happy? No, I don't have any repressed homosexual feelings. I see myself as a straight guy and why are you
acting like I have to be gay like you? I'm just having my say. Please, is this pissing you off cause you feel
uneasy about being attracted to a male cause you're an FTM who could of just stayed in the female body
and made your life so much easier? 

See it's stuff like this that make you seem like you have repressed feelings. There's no way of knowing that you are unless I'm you, but this is the sort of thing people say when they're overcompensating for things, be aware of that.

Kvall isn't saying you should be a gay man, he has never even suggested that you should be. If you believe that transition is more than just for intimate relationships and sex, then you'd know why it isn't easier for a gay transman to just stay a woman. A straight relationship is a different dynamic from a gay relationship and if someone identifies as a man who is attracted to men, why would they want to be treated like a straight woman? That's not who they are, they're men, pure and simple, it's no different than wanting to be treated like a straight guy if you were in a relationship with a girl as opposed being labeled a lesbian. You aren't a lesbian, you're a straight man, it's the exact same concept just from a different end. I could easily tell you that you should just be a lesbian to make it easier on yourself, but we both know that's BS logic.

No one says you have to be gay, but I don't understand why you find it so gross and disturbing. I'm a straight ftm, I'm secure in my sexuality and I don't feel the need to be disgusted by this sort of thing. You have a right to an opinion and a say, but that doesn't make those opinions right, less ignorant or inoffencive. Honestly, anyone from the LGBT who finds any part of the LGBT gross, abnormal or wrong is a lot more offencive and ignorant to me than if a cisgender straight person said it. Why? Because they should know better. We might not have the same situations or problems but we're all under the same cause and have had similar injustices done towards us.

You're digging yourself a hole here, and I'm not trying to be rude or mean but I'm just trying to be real with you.

[accord03]

Lach - I respect what you just said. I asked this before when I started the thread and that's what I wanted to know and you broke it down to me here.

If you believe that transition is more than just for intimate relationships and sex, then you'd know why it isn't easier for a gay transman to just stay a woman. A straight relationship is a different dynamic from a gay relationship and if someone identifies as a man who is attracted to men, why would they want to be treated like a straight woman? That's not who they are, they're men, pure and simple, it's no different than wanting to be treated like a straight guy if you were in a relationship with a girl as opposed being labeled a lesbian. You aren't a lesbian, you're a straight man,

I just wanted to know these FTM are only transitioning and being attracted to male cause they enjoy being gay and you explained it.

[M.Grimm]

Many people can take honesty. What they don't want to take is someone being a small-minded jerk. Perhaps you need to take a step back and analyze which way you're coming across.