I'm unsure where to start really, so you may have to excuse this somewhat vague introduction.
Also, I really have no idea on how to ask a wider majority questions on the subject. To be honest, I do have a a lot of questions I would like answering, but they're more personal and intimate ones, but I would highly appreciate some kind of feedback, or opinions regarding the issue from those who have given the time and effort to slog through this inevitable wall of text, ehe.
So, like so many of you who have been kicking about this particular part of the forum, I also find find myself as in a a relationship with someone who considers themselves as transgender. Both me and my boyfriend [by the way, please excuse the more masculine word usage, I'm sure my partner and many of you out there will understand that it's a little easier for me to actually type like this, I mean no offence] have been in a relationship now for a little under a year. A few months back, he sort of came out to me that he would very much like to be a woman. I have no real idea what he expected me to do when he told me. I could have hit the roof and gone ballistic, I could have just said nothing and just left in a rather spineless fashion. I could have just laughed it off, thinking it was a bit of a joke and not really took it on board. In all fairness I kind of surprised myself when I merely looking a little inquisitive, replied with a "Oh really, that's quite unusual..." and took it in my stride. In essence I suppose the response was a little anticlimactic...
Though that's not to say this really hasn't effected me to a degree. I'm always thinking about it in the back of my mind. One area I wanted to find out more about was genitalia and whether he was willing to get rid of it to be more womanly which had me worried; as there is one sexual organ I quite like, and considering I have a bit of a rainbow lifestyle that kind of narrows it down. I do know that he'd quite like breasts, which lead to quite an odd conversation as to trying to figure out what size would look best considering my partner is rather small - a little over five feet - and we sort of agreed that bigger is not always better. Then I sort of sit back and think if I'm actually starting to dictate what kind of woman should become, and not the kind of woman he wants to become. Causing me to get a rather awful sense of guilt when I do voice an opinion towards something. After all, this is what he wants, it's fair to say that if he doesn't like any of my opinions when it comes to bodily structure as a whole he can tell me where to stuff my ideas. So I'm a little conflicted when it comes to that.
Keeping on this kind of theme, I think back now to earlier points in our relationship when I referred to him as "dude" and such. Even now as I write this, I know full well that he would very much like it if I used the word her, but as I've said it's a little easier for me to write like this. Have I - and do I still continue to - hurt him by using such terms? When we talk face to face I try to use something more comfortable and fitting but every so often accidents will happen and I will slip up. Which again, has me gritting my teeth think I dropped a right clanger and have severely dented my partners confidence. As that is the very last thing I want to do.
When I think back, I shouldn't have really put the thought past me. He's always very effeminate and often prides himself on his more effeminate quirks, such as height, hair length, the way he'd move and his attitude towards things. Even the little things; we're both gamers, and when I think back when it comes to picking characters in games and whatnot he'd always adopt a female one instantly and reluctantly choosing a male one. As odd as this may sound, I'm sure this means an awful lot to him deep down, but it kind of saddens me that I'm never going to truly understand myself what it'd feel like. No he seems to be quite confident in openly being a lot more feminine, even when it comes to using female grooming products. He's becoming a lot more confident about this, and of course, if he feels a lot more confident about things then it helps me feel a lot more confident about this as well.
The one solitary thing I am actually scared of would be this confidence - as bad as this statement may sound. What I'm more scared of is losing the original person I love and adore. Sure, the visual appearance by be drastically different, and I've read over and over and over things which have been posted online via open letters and odd bits of text about this kind of thing. But I am awfully scared of him developing a different persona if you will. We've talked about this many times over and I've been reassured at length that this will never happen. But I guess it's my more simple brain that thinks that becoming a different person visually instantly links into becoming another person mentally. I know I shouldn't be scared, but naturally I'm a bit of a worrier anyways.
I really should wrap this up now. The post itself doesn't really have much direction and it's only a very brief [very broad use of the word brief here] of how I feel and as mentioned, this is more the sort of thing I'd like to mull over with him and a nice cup of tea. I'm sure we both need to support each other through this and I doubt it's going to be as easy and happen as casually as I believe it will. Either way, I am very much devoted to my partner and I'm sure no matter whatever skin we feel most comfortable in, I'll still be his in the long run. As despite being together so what may be such a short space of time, it feels like we've been through a lot more and there is no chance in hell I am going to openly abandon him.
