My take on it:
You'll die eventually, anyway. I don't see the need to hasten one's death over something like your innards.
You háve come a long way into it. So yes; it sounds like you're depressed and hopeless over a few pictures.
Depression is a serious condition. It's life-threatening. I'd like to say I know how you feel, since I'm clinically depressed, though not on meds. Because it's also something you can learn to live with. Not comfortably, but it doesn't need to take the mirth out of your life. And that's clinical depression; you might be treatable; curable, so to speak.
You find transsexualism repulsive? Well; I'm afraid all too many trans people can agree on that. Every one of us wishes we'd been born something we weren't. Our bodies aren't at all how we'd wish them. And we can fix that, up to a certain extent. Nobody can completely undo the way they were born, whether it's a split lip, and open back, or the wrong genitals. But all of us can correct it up to a certain extent, and live normal lives after the correction.
So yes; speak to an expert on depression. It may be linked to your gender condition; it may not be. A gender therapist is not the right person to talk to when it's about depression, so give it a go and see what pops up.
